Better Call Sock

[Laughter]

All right. Don socks. Socks. What? Look

at his face. Look at his face. All

right. I'm going to start with my

opening statement. Mr. John Sock over

here was out in public when out of

nowhere he randomly decided to say that

FNAF flooror sucks. That is my opening

statement. Okay. Uh we're Okay. All

right. Mr. lawyer. What's What's your

opening statement here? Well, you see,

um, my client here has been diagnosed

with autism. The wrong kind. What do you

mean the wrong kind? You hearing this

[ __ ] judge?

Judge, you hear the [ __ ] So, on the

scene, we had the one and only God.

What? And I'd like to call my witness,

God, to the stand.

Yeah. Do you have it?

Oh, I just muted him. As as you do as

God and then I see this [ __ ] say

that FAS Lord is bad. All right, Turner,

you can go.

Oh, that's me. Um, my client's main

problem was with the FNAF 2 music box

and that didn't have an explanation

behind it and was quite inconvenient.

The next problem in proving that my

client here is innocent is that security

cameras do not check out. They're

trolling over there. That's awesome.

Breaking news. Hold on. What's the

breaking news?

All right. So, who's this? You're seeing

this. Chat, you seeing this? Chat, you

seeing this?

All right. All right. So, is that your

evidence, prosecutor? Objection. Um, the

defense's um statement is a little bit

sus.

Shut up. So, the reason he didn't fully

understand how the FNAF 2 music box

works is because he he had the Player 2

controller and it wasn't fully

functional. And I think part of that,

his attribution to not understanding any

of that has caused him to hate

everything about FNAF and say that FNAF

4 sucks. I see how you have a valid

point here. My client, you know, he's

just been so focused on the Alamo.

Remember, it's the Alamo. How do you not

remember the Alamo? This is alongside

the War of 1812,

you know? Sure. That's one of the most

beautiful pictures I've ever seen. Wa.

That's actually really good. It's a It's

like a third grade picture, except it

actually kind of looks good. Oh, now I

can kind of see it. That's fantastic. If

If the defendant is autistic, wouldn't

they enjoy the FNAF lore?

Oh. Oh, I got your prosecutor.

Objection.

Wait. Wait. What?

I have a witness to bring up. The one

and only Toy Chica. Oh my god. Hello. I

am Toy Chica from Hit Movie 2 that is

coming out soon. Me and God were having

conversations together about this cuz

you know, God likes to hit. And uh God

sent me down to the world to talk to

talk to what is his name. We had a

conversation about that floor and every

time we tried to talk about it, he just

told me to turn to the witness. Although

this has happened. I turned into Toy

Chica.

We've had information with this by this

witness except I wasn't paying

attention.

Pay attention more. This construction

Oh, I can't. Never mind. Got no more

evidence. No more evidence. My clients

just like that. No. Okay. Something to

our attention real quick. Oh my god.

Jurors, do you have any second opinions?

I don't think that uh someone so

autistic could hate hate on the FNAF

lore in public. Exactly.

I find that

against John S not guilty. No.

Oh well.

I go this is this is the most [ __ ]

thing I've ever come up with cuz I don't

[ __ ] know what to say. John Mock

Santa Claus is the witness. All right.

Hello. Hello. All right. I'd like to

present my evidence. Oh. Um I didn't

mean to do that. Uh anyway. All right.

All right. So the most the most critical

situation about this. Mr. John lock over

here has been hating on Minecraft and

Terraria. They said they battle let out

because of moist critical. Moist

critical is the reason behind this. So I

find the defendant guilty of hating on

that because of moist critical. And also

Mr. John Lock has been at Hooters. And

then all the femas have been telling us

that Terrarian Minecraft should battle

it out and we'll see which one is

better. Very well

turning. Okay.

Um, what the [ __ ] Your honor, my client

could not have been recognized at Fenboy

Hooters because he was wearing I think

fake glasses and a mustache. Breaking

news. Breaking news. Oh, okay.

Additionally, your honor, my client

doesn't even play Minecraft in Terraria

because he's spending all his money on

the Fortnite battle pass. I would like

to call my witness Santa Claus at the

stand. Oh, why am I here? Uh, that Mr.

John Lock over there. Hate is hating on

and Minecraft. Hey, can we get Yes, John

Lock. I remember putting his name down

on the naughty list quite often. Almost

every single member of his family gets a

naughty Christmas because they have sex

every other day. What? Tony, would you

like to speak to cross examination?

Uh, Mr. Santa Claus. Yes, I have a

different face, but I'm

[Laughter]

For what reason is my client being on

the naughty list uh valid in this trial

about his opinion on his alleged

opinion? Duck beachario.

Big news. Oh, holy [ __ ] Wait, then who

do we bring in? Have access to the

naughty list. Drew, are you hearing this

[ __ ] I hear this [ __ ] bro. Get this

fake Santa Claus out of here. Yeah. I'm

totally Santa. I swear on my life. Get

the [ __ ] out of here. Prosecutor.

So, my rebuttal for everything the

attorney has said is uh nuhuh. Nuh-uh.

John Lock over here is uh is guilty of

doing such a thing. Mr. John Lock over

here is also from Paris, France, which

means he hates everything. As a French

person, I feel like that's irrelevant.

No, I'm not I'm not

actually French. Oh, Canadian French.

Oh, I hate you then cuz I'm Canadian

English. Even if the defense does not

like the French,

uh my client is actually Russian. He he

has this uh used vodka bottle uh uh

direct directly from Vladimir Putin

himself. Uh likely John Lock is actually

not Russian cuz he's actually from the

[ __ ]

Greek. He deserves to be in jail for his

atrocious opinions. Breaking news. Oh,

breaking news. Breaking news.

[Laughter]

[Music]

Finally, Hutsune Miku.

Who hates Hat

Miku Miku Miku?

Friends with Hut

Miku. He could not be a

bad

guilty. Drop the case. Drop the case.

Press Miku. That's all you're honor.

Drop the case. Drop the case. He's the

Miku. Not guilty. Not guilty. Not

guilty. You dropped the case. Drop the

case.

I find him. Not guilty. Let's go.

Stinky.

What is that? That evidence shows

uncontrollably Jake and every

uh guys, the judge is gone. Oh no.

Judge. Uh [ __ ] What? We're back. It's

Mal. It's abusive. And she hit him with

the used wine bottle, which made him

want to go even more. Are you hearing

this? Yeah. Oh, I'm hearing it. And

Shadow the Hedgehog was there. Shadow

the Hedgehog. I think we've heard

enough. Your honor, permission to

masturbate. I I showed you my evidence.

Okay. Well, my evidence is that we have

a used condom. Okay. And this used

condom has the exact DNA of Mr. Stinky