Stop Rambling: The 3-2-1 Speaking Trick That Makes You Sound Like A CEO

If you want better conversations,

conversations where people actually

listen to you, where you stop rambling,

where you sound sharp, fast, decisive,

then today's [music] episode is for you.

Because I've realized something.

Communication isn't a soft skill. It's a

science. And scientists [music] can now

tell you what makes someone magnetic and

what makes [music] someone instantly

forgettable. So, I'm going to give you a

bunch of researchbacked,

neurosciencebacked communication tools

that I've realized almost all of the top

1% use, but nobody else talks about.

This is how you change the way you speak

in minutes, not years.

Mindset shift number one. People mirror

your micro behaviors in about 200

milliseconds. Think like less than the

blink of an eye. This is something

called the neuroecho effect. And it's

pretty wild. So neuroscientists at the

University of Parma discovered that your

brain has mirror neurons that fire

within 200 milliseconds of watching

someone else move or emote, which

basically means people don't respond to

what you say. They respond to the

emotional signal you send before the

words even happen. So if you speak

intention, their nervous system tenses.

If you speak more certainty, their

nervous system calms. If you are

scattered, they kind of mirror that

scattered. If you speak grounded, they

become more grounded. And this is the

real reason that top speakers or the

people that you look up to or the CEOs

you look up to in the world, they look

pretty calm when they speak because

they're actually trying to regulate the

room's nervous system without anyone

noticing. You know, I remember when I

walked into a room of a bunch of private

equity guys. You can imagine a mahogany

table, a bunch of guys in suits sitting

around it. I'm the youngest person by

far. I'm the only female. I know it's a

stereotype, but it's what happened at

that point. We were coming in to talk

about my company and there was no chair

for me. Nobody stood up. Nobody asked to

pull up a chair. And uh they were sort

of all arguing on top of each other,

talking about things, ignoring me. And

there's many ways I could have

approached this conversation, but I

walked in. Then I pulled up a chair and

I just sat down quietly and I waited. I

didn't try to speak over them. I didn't

try to push through them. I just sat

there like I had all the time in the

world for them to figure out their small

things. Because here's why. I made a

promise to myself that I do not make

myself small for small men. And I don't

think you should do so either. You know,

I've walked into PE meetings where

everyone is talking over each other like

caffeinated squirrels. I don't play that

game. I sit quiet and within like 30 to

90 seconds, the entire energy shifts

back towards you because people mirror

these micro behaviors faster than they

actually process your words. They would

never listen to me if I started piping

in, if I stop started shouting, if I

tried to get their attention and said,

"Quietly, let the room come to you."

Then there's this other thing that's

fascinating about the brain and the way

you communicate and that is that the

brain is addicted to novelty, not logic.

So they call this the orienting

response. So if you want to instantly

grab somebody's attention, you need to

give them something unexpected, right?

So there's a Russian neuroscientist that

discovered this reflex. But anytime a

brain encounters novelty, it diverts a

lot of processing power to it. And so

your brain is actually wired to

prioritize surprise, curiosity, pattern

breaks over logical information. That's

how we get you on TikTok with these

crazy clickbait little videos that

happen, right? So the way you start a

conversation matters more than the

conversation itself, which is crazy. If

you lead with something that disrupts

the brain, that is surprising fact, a

bold statement, a strange question. The

brain literally has to pay attention and

then it has to stick there for a second

because it's actually manually

processing it. sort of like a a car

starting up a motor slowly. So, I want

you to ask yourself, how many times do

you worry about all the things that

you're going to say to somebody, but not

just what the first sentence is. Three,

I think people judge your intelligence

by clarity, not complexity. This took me

a long time to realize. It's called the

simplicity anchor. So, a study from the

University of Munich found something

really fascinating. When speakers use

simple language, listeners rate them as

smarter, more competent, more

trustworthy. But when speakers use

complicated or overly technical

language, listeners assume they're

hiding something insecure. Not as smart

as they look. And I've seen this

firsthand. When you go into an

investment meeting, one of the first

things you want to do is you want the

other person to think that you're smart.

You're asking for money from them. But

immediately listen to it next time you

get your spidey senses up on somebody

because they start using words like

cogent and I find this to be divisive

instead of like that makes sense and I'm

not sure everybody would agree with

that. So if you want people to think

you're smart the crazy part you got to

stop trying to sound smart. Simplicity

actually shows a new IQ signal. It shows

a higher IQ signal. The other part about

this that's true is that questions

actually increase dopamine. So they call

this the curiosity loop. Carnegie Melon

scientists discovered that when you ask

someone a question, especially an

open-ended one, their brain releases

dopamine, right? That's like the

happiness drug. Dopamine makes people

more alert, more engaged, and more

curious. This is why questions pull

people into conversations, not away from

them. How many times have you been in a

conversation with somebody and they're

just talking about themselves and you

want to die until like you can get a

word in or potentially, I don't know,

respond to something? That's why one of

the most famous books of all time which

is uh how to win friends and influence

people by Dale Carnegie. The entire book

you can skip it. The book goes like

this. Shut up, listen more. People care

more about what you know about them than

what they know about you. So try opening

next time with something like, hey, can

I ask you something I've never asked

before? Do you want to hear something

strange? Can I test an idea on you? It's

like, ooh, me? I'm so special. This is

just for you and I. It's something

unique. You know, I once closed a deal

because I asked the seller what would

make this sale feel like a relief

instead of a risk. I could just tell he

was like super tight. He didn't want to

sell his business. I actually there's so

many physical reactions people have. He

had these little hives. It actually uh

happens a lot on men. I've noticed when

they're nervous, they'll break out in

kind of red splotches on their neck. And

I could just tell he was in a heightened

state. He didn't really want to talk

about his business financials. He was

kind of scared that they were too messed

up in order for me to want to buy this

business. And so he was getting

heightened and heightened and

heightened. And even though I was trying

to downregulate, I couldn't break him

out of it. But I said instead, I just

kind of leaned in quietly and was like,

"Hey, what would make this sale feel

like a relief instead of a risk?" And

I'm quietly giving it to him. I'm

leaning in, showing intent. I'm very

focused on him. and his entire body

changed because questions chemically

shift conversations,