Family Guy - Peter Becomes Jewish

Misses Griffin, I've got good news. Your test results came back negative. It appears the lump in your breast is not black.

Gross boob death. Breast cancer. That's the layman's term, yes. Oh, thank God. What a relief. Yeah, that was scary.

Now, Mrs. Griffin, although you're in the clear for the moment, we need to have a look at your family medical history to determine your future risk.

Huh, that's curious. I didn't realize your mother was a Holocaust survivor. My mother? Oh, no, that's.

That's impossible. She's not Jewish. According to her birth certificate, she is. Oh, my God. Wow, breast cancer's starting to look pretty good.

Mom, you're Jewish. I'm sorry I never told you, dear. When we were married, your father made me conceal the fact so he could get into country clubs.

It was the right thing to do. It was the right thing to do, dear. Oh, my God. So Grandma Hebrewburg is actually Jewish?

Yes. When she moved to America, her family changed their name. It was originally Hebrewburg Money Grabber.

That makes you Jewish, Lois. And your children, too. This kind of rocks my world even more than the time I went to that pediatrician.

Whoa, Stewie, you're getting to be a big boy. I think somebody's gonna be a football star. Oh, you. Oh, forgot your chart.

Be right back.

Whoa, Jason, you're getting to be a big boy. I think somebody's gonna be a football star. I can't believe I fell for that line.

I actually let myself believe I could be a doctor's wife. You're just fat, Stewie. Silly and fat.

Thank you for coming over, Max. I really need some advice from an actual Jewish person. Oh, it's my pleas.

Sure. This all must be very overwhelming. I just don't know what to do with this information. I've spent my whole life as a Christian.

I'll tell you what you should do with it. Absolutely nothing. That's the problem with this world. Too many people go overboard with what they believe.

Like Quagmire, when he thought he was the one getting the spin off. See you later, bitches. Have fun with your stupid goddamn giant chicken jokes and your Conway Twitter.

Hey, why is there a moving truck outside Cleveland's house? Well, I wouldn't put it quite like that, but essentially, Brian's right.

Being Jewish doesn't really have to change you or your family's life. I guess you're right. There's no reason things should be any different around here.

Shalom, Jews. Wow, dad. Where did you get all that glistening chest hair? It Came with my Star of David.

Everyone, from now on, our lives will be better. We'll be wealthy, our sons will become doctors, and we'll be in charge of charities so we don't have to contribute to them.

I'm offended by that. And I'm not even Jewish. Peter, what is all this? Look, this is my way of letting you know that I'm embracing who you are.

Oh, and I don't respond to Peter. From now on, I want you to use my Hebrew name.

Well, I. I caution you

that becoming Jewish doesn't happen overnight. It's a process that involves spiritual education and good works.

So what you're saying is that it happens overnight? Look, Peter, I'm the one with the Jewish heritage, and I really don't want to make a big deal out of this.

Leave it to a Jew to take all the fun out of being a Jew. Now, listen up. I like the hat and I like the scarf.

So we're doing this.

Kids, from now on, this is where we'll celebrate the Sabbath. Peter, this is all unnecessary. Our life was fine the way it was.

Check it out. I'm one of you guys now, huh? I'm Jewish. Yeah. Holocaust. We're number one. Look at all these short, hairy men.

God, I feel like I'm on the forest moon of Endor. Good afternoon. As we approach the Passover holiday, let us remember the struggle of our people as they labored under the yoke of Pharaoh's despotic rule.

Hey, if anyone appreciates a good yoke, it's the use.

That's my Jewish laugh. I'm working on a Jewish laugh. Peter, I'm so embarrassed right now. Can we please just go?

Hi. You're pretty. Oh, thank you.

Mom, is sodomy illegal if you're Jewish? I hope so, Meg. I really do.

It's not Lois. It's not.

Dad, this isn't the way to school. Yes, it is, Chris. One of the best parts about being Jewish is getting to take advantage of their excellent schools.

I'm not going to no Jewish school. Sitting around all day with a bunch of short, hairy guys. I'll feel like I'm on the forest moon of Endor.

Didn't you. Didn't you make that joke the other day? Oh, yeah, no, I just. I wasn't sure if everybody had

had heard.

Giggity, giggity, giggity goo Stick around.