It Took Me 50+ years to realize what I'll tell you in 10 minutes...

[snorts]

[clears throat]

I need to tell you something and I need

you to really hear me.

That thing you're chasing,

the money, the promotion, the house, the

body, the respect,

whatever it is that you think is going

to finally make your life work.

It's not going to give you what you

think it will. I'm William, 77 years

old, and I spent 50 years of my life

running after things that were never

going to fill the hole I was trying to

fill. [music]

50 years.

That's a long time to be chasing the

wrong thing.

So sit with me for a few [music] minutes

because what took me half a century to

figure out, I'm going to try to give to

you right now. And maybe, just maybe,

you won't waste as much time as I did.

We all do this thing. We all say, "I'll

be happy when I'll be happy when I get

the promotion. I'll be happy when I pay

off the house. I'll be happy when I

retire. I'll be happy when people

finally respect me." I said that my

whole life. My whole damn life. And you

know what? I got the promotion. I paid

off the house. I retired. People respect

me, I think. I don't know. [music] At

77, you stop keeping track. But here's

what nobody tells you. When you get the

thing, there's always another thing.

Always. The finish line moves. [music]

You think you're almost there, and then

you look up and it's further away than

when you started. I spent 50 years

running toward a finish line that didn't

exist. Let me tell you something about

myself that I'm not proud of. I grew up

poor. [music] Not starving poor, but

poor enough to know it. My father worked

at a factory his whole life. Came home

tired every night, [music] hands all

beat up, and people still looked at him

like he was nothing, like he didn't

matter. I watched that. I was maybe 10,

11 years old and I watched how people

treated my father and something in me

said that's not going to be me. [music]

I'm going to be somebody. I'm going to

make people respect me. So that's what I

did. I worked. Lord, I worked [music]

60, 70 hours a week sometimes. Missed my

kids growing up. Missed [music] dinners.

Missed baseball games. Missed

everything. But I was building

something. [music] I was becoming

somebody. By 52, I was a vice president,

corner office. [music] People called me

sir. My name was on the door. And you

know what? I felt

nothing. [music] I mean, not nothing. I

felt I don't know how to describe it.

[music] Empty. I guess like I climbed

all the way up this mountain and when I

got to the top, there was nothing there.

just another mountain. [music]

I remember sitting in that corner

office, door closed, looking out the

window, thinking, "This is it. This is

what I gave up everything for." Took me

another 20 years to understand what

happened. 20 years. [music] I'm a slow

learner, I guess. Here's what I finally

figured out. [music] I wasn't chasing

money. I wasn't chasing titles. I wasn't

even chasing respect. [music] Not

really. I was chasing a feeling. I

wanted to feel like I was enough,

[music] like I mattered, like I was

worthy of being here. That's what I was

really after. And I thought if I just

achieved enough, [music] if I just

climbed high enough, I'd finally feel

it. But you can't get that feeling from

a job title. You can't get it from a

paycheck. [music] You can't get it from

people calling you sir. That feeling,

the feeling of being enough. I could

have given that to myself the whole

time. I didn't need anyone's permission.

I didn't need to earn it. I just needed

to decide. Decide that I was worthy,

that I mattered, that I was enough

exactly as I was. [music] I could have

done that at 25. I did it at 73.

That's 48 years I wasted trying to earn

something that was already mine. Same

thing happened with my marriage.

Different story, same mistake. I thought

if I provided enough, if I gave my wife

the house, the cars, the nice things,

[music]

she'd be happy. We'd be happy. That was

my job, right? Provide. So, I provided.

I provided the hell out of that

marriage. But you know what my wife

actually wanted? She wanted me present

[music] listening there and I wasn't. I

was at work or thinking about work or

too tired from work to be any kind of

company. We almost split up when I was

about 48. And it wasn't because I wasn't

successful. It was because I was gone.

Even when I was home, I was gone. She

told me once, I remember this clear as

anything. She said, [music] "William, I

don't need the money. I need you. I need

you to look at me. [music] I need you to

hear me. I need you to be here." And I

didn't understand. I thought I was being

here. [music] I was paying the bills,

wasn't I? I was keeping a roof over our

heads. [music] Took me a long time to

understand the difference between

providing for someone and being [music]

present with someone. They're not the

same thing. Not even close.

>> [music]

>> I'm 77 now. Most of my friends are

around my age. [music] Some older, some

younger. A few of them are gone already.

And I've noticed something interesting.

[music]

The ones who are miserable, they're

still chasing, still comparing, still

keeping score. I got a friend. He's 84

years old and he's still mad that his

neighbor has a nicer car. 84. Still

looking over the fence. still measuring

himself against other people and he's

miserable. [music]

Absolutely miserable. I got another

friend. She's 79 [music] and all she

talks about is what she doesn't have.

Her knees hurt. Her kids don't call

enough. Her pension isn't big enough.

Everything is a complaint. Everything is

a problem. [music] She's been unhappy as

long as I've known her. and she's going

to be unhappy until the day she dies

because she's still waiting for

something outside of her to change

[music] so she can finally be okay. But

then I got other friends and these

people. [music] I don't know what it is

exactly, but they got something, a

lightness, a peace. They're not trying

to prove anything [music] to anyone.

They're not keeping score. They're just

here, present, curious about things,

[music] enjoying what's in front of

them. My friend Earl, he's 86, [music]

and this man is the happiest person I

know. He doesn't have much. Little

apartment, fixed income, health isn't

great, but he wakes up every morning

grateful. [music] He's always learning

something new, reading something, asking

questions about things. [music] He told

me once, he said, "William, I spent 60

years trying to be somebody. [music] Now

I'm just trying to be here, and it's so

much better." That's the difference.

It's not money. It's not health. [music]

It's not even family, though, that

helps. It's whether you've made peace

with yourself, whether you've stopped

chasing [music]

and started being. You want to know what

real freedom feels like? [music] I'll

tell you what it feels like. It's not

having a bunch of money. I got friends

with money who are trapped in their own

heads, [music] worried about everything,

can't enjoy anything. Real freedom is

when the things that used to bother you

don't bother you anymore. [music]

When someone says something nasty and it

rolls off you like water. [music]

When you're not walking around needing

everyone to like you. When you can look

in the mirror, see an [music] 77y old

man looking back at you and say, "Yeah,

that's me and I'm okay with that." Real

freedom is not needing anything outside

of you to be okay inside of you. And

that, my friend, that takes most people

a lifetime to figure out. Some people

never figure it out. They die still

chasing, still waiting, still thinking

happiness is around the next corner.

Here's [music] the trap, and I want you

to really understand this. You think

once you get the thing, you'll be

satisfied. But you won't. There's always

another thing. I paid off my house when

I was 58. Thought I'd feel free. Thought

I'd finally relax. You know what

happened? I started worrying about the

next thing. Retirement savings, health

care costs. What if the market crashes?

What if this? What if that? The fear

didn't go away when my circumstances

changed. The fear just found something

new to attach itself to. And that's when

I realized something important. The fear

doesn't leave when your life gets

better. The fear leaves when you change.

[music]

When you decide you're not going to let

it run your life anymore. When you

decide that you're okay right now,

today, regardless of what happens

tomorrow. That's an inside job. No

amount of money can do that for you. No

achievement, no relationship. It's

something you got to do yourself.

everything I thought I wanted, the

title, the money, the house, the

respect, I didn't actually want those

things. I wanted to feel safe. [music] I

wanted to feel like I mattered. I wanted

to feel loved. And I was looking for

those feelings in all the wrong places.

[music] I was trying to get them from my

job, from my bank account, from other

people's opinions. But those feelings,

safety, [music] worthiness, love, I

could have given them to myself any

time. I didn't need to earn them. I just

needed to accept them. Except that I was

already safe, already worthy, already

loved. That sounds [music] simple. I

know it does. But it took me 50 years to

really understand it. And I'm still

working on it. Honestly, [music] 77

years old and I'm still practicing.

Young people think happiness is at the

finish line. [music] I thought that too.

But there is no finish line. You get one

[music] thing, there's another thing.

You solve one problem, another one shows

up. [music] That's just life. That's how

it works. So if you're waiting until

everything is perfect to be happy,

you're going to wait forever [music]

because it's never going to be perfect.

Something's always going to be wrong.

[music] Something's always going to be

missing. The journey is the destination.

I heard someone say that once and I

didn't understand [music] it. Now I do.

This is it. Right here, right now. This

is your life. Not when you get the

promotion. Not when you meet the right

person. Not when you pay off the debt.

[music] Now, if you can't find some

peace on the way to where you're going,

you're not going to find it when you get

there either. I promise you that. I've

been there. The arrival doesn't feel

like you think it's going to [music]

feel. So, here's what I want you to take

from all this. Stop waiting. Stop

telling yourself, "I'll be happy when."

[music] That's a lie. I believed that

lie for 50 years and all it gave me was

50 years of postponed living. Whatever

you think you need to be happy, you

don't need it. [music] What you need is

to decide you're enough right now,

today, with everything exactly as it

[music] is. You're enough. You hear me?

You're already enough. [music] You don't

have to prove it. You don't have to earn

it. You just have to accept it.

I'm 77 years old. I've made a lot of

mistakes. I've chased a lot of wrong

things. [music]

I've wasted a lot of time. But the one

thing I know for sure is this.

Everything you're looking for is already

inside you. [music]

You just got to stop running long enough

to notice.

If this meant something to you, share it

with somebody who's grinding themselves

into dust, chasing something that's

never going to make them whole. And tell

me in the comments, what's your I'll be

happy when? What are you waiting for?

What would change if you just decided

you were enough right now?

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