Azie Tesfai speaks out on digital violence

Excellencies, ladies and gentlemen,

thank you for having me.

I have had three stalkers in my life and

two of them use digital tools as their

weapon.

Digital violence does not just stay

online. It seeps into your routines,

your sleep, your travel, your

relationships, and even your identity.

I know this because it happened to me.

The first stalker entered my life

through a lie. so ordinary that it still

unnerves me. He tracked down an old

friend and told them that he had lost my

number and they had no reason to

distrust him. And in one casual gesture,

a stranger gained access to my life. His

messages were innocuous enough, the kind

that you answer once or twice while

trying to place a face. But the moment

it was clear he was someone I didn't

know, I stopped responding.

The silence didn't diffuse him, it

inflamed him.

For 3 years, thousands of messages

poured in between 11:00 p.m. and 5:00

a.m., sometimes hundreds within a single

night, cycling from adoration to anger.

His entitlement swelled as my refusal to

engage continued.

Then it crossed into something more

dangerous.

One night, he texted what I had worn

that day. He had been close enough to

observe me intimately, yet remained a

face that I could not identify.

There is a specific terror in being

watched by someone without a face. It

forces you to scan every room wondering

if they are already there.

Eventually, his unwanted affection

turned into explicit death threats. And

each time I went to the police, I heard

a version of the same dismissal. Because

you don't know his name, because he

hasn't approached you physically, and

because it's all digital, there is

legally nothing we can do. One officer

suggested I buy mace and learn how to

shoot a gun. Translation: protect

yourself.

So I did. I learned what streets to

avoid. I carried a switchblade when

exiting my car and my home. But that

small comfort was also a small prison. I

have lived like that for years.

And even with all of those precautions,

I then dealt with a second digital

stalker that lived in a different

country.

He found me through a television show I

was on and convinced himself that we

were in a relationship.

I didn't know he existed until one night

I found out he was following me. I'd

gone to a play and was told that an

unwell man had been asking for me. So

that night I downloaded Twitter and

other social media apps that I don't

normally keep on my phone. And within

minutes I was staring at a reality I

hadn't known was unfolding.

increasingly obsessive post, sexually

explicit images addressed directly to

me. I was in that country for a

Comic-Con appearance because I was

playing a superhero on a television

show. And ironically, I had never felt

less empowered.

Once again, this time in a different

country, the authorities told me nothing

could be done because he hadn't

physically approached me, because he

knew me from a TV show. His online

messages fell under the umbrella of free

speech.

I walked in expecting safety and instead

I was questioned about how I had

obtained information about him.

When a threat is credible, victim safety

must matter more than a stalker's claim

to privacy.

The solutions that I was offered were

all variations of the same demand. Stay

with a friend who has a 24-hour doorman.

Travel quietly. Make yourself hard to

find. Become less visible. Shrink.

disappear.

Honestly, I still follow most of that

advice. Many women do because until the

law treats digital predation as harm, we

are expected to protect ourselves by

becoming invisible,

by erasing ourselves.

And the most that is offered are

restraining orders. And I find that

those often fail, especially where

obsessions and mental illness are

involved.

Eventually, using my own resources and

investigators, I identified my first

stalker,

he was a stranger with a documented

history of brutal physical violence

against women.

Proving that digital threats, physical

violence, stalking, and course of

control are not separate phenomena.

Soon after this, I learned this truth

again in the most devastating way. My

cousin Assarret, I mean really my sister

in all the ways that mattered. The one

who had always told me to guard myself,

was killed by her fianceé.

She was strong and joyful and

independent. And if it could happen to

her, it could happen to any of us.

In my grief, I realized that there is a

permission structure that has been

created through digital violence that is

enabling femicide.

These men believe women are an object

and their possessions.

I'm still not entirely safe. My most

recent stalker is not a resolved issue,

but I am choosing to speak now for

Asmet, for myself, and for the countless

women who don't have the resources that

I've had to survive.

We need laws that recognize digital

stalking and credible online threats as

violence. We need platforms held

accountable for the ecosystems that they

create and profit from. We must all

commit to making sure protection is

possible before harm becomes

irreversible.

We deserve laws that protect us while we

are still alive to be protected.

Thank you. [applause]