#ABtalks with Hande Erçel | Chapter 227 | مع هاندا ارتشيل

Not many people understand or know me

What does love mean to you?

Every person has a dream

And what's your dream?

You've said that you're curious

It's right

Has anyone ever

made you feel that you were worthless?

I never experienced crying in that sense

and that deeply affected my entire life

What's your last memory

with your mom?

There was a locked door

and you unlocked it

So, you can ask me anything

I can stay here till the evening

Hello Hande!

How are you really doing?

Thank you

How am I really doing..

Right now I’m a bit anxious and uneasy

because this isn’t something I often do

speaking openly isn't easy with everyone

But I watched you and..

You really are someone who makes people talk

You have an energy that really makes people feel good

So I’m happy to be here

So you don't do personal interviews?

I couldn't say that I do them often, no

What’s the longest interview you’ve done?

The last time was years ago

maybe four years ago I joined a program

it was about an hour and a half

it was also out of necessity

Out of necessity, okay then

Who are you, Hande?

I don't know how to

define myself here

honestly

rather than defining myself

I'd rather people

tell you who I am

because

I myself don't fully know who I am

which Hande?

There are too many Handes but

I prefer not to label that

let people label it

let people describe me

Good, but I won’t let her get comfortable easily

so let’s think

I think we never really reach a stage in life

where we know ourselves 100%

it's a lifelong journey

but

at 31 years old

God willing, may you live a long life

What have you found out about who Hande is

I mean, can we say

that Hande

is an artist? Can we say

she's a painter?

Can we say

she's a child?

What have you concluded so far?

I got it

We'll get into more details

then I can explain this

I, I mean as Hande

up to a certain age

I knew who I was

then I lost many of the things

that made me who I am

and with that loss

I'm now searching for myself again

I mean, that

absence

is pushing me

to find reasons to hold onto life again

or reasons to redefine myself

I'm in a phase

where I’m learning, trying to learn

So for now

I can't define who I am for the time being

Hande, do you feel that people

are linking their identity

to things outside

of themselves

like

their country

their family

the people they love

and we forget to seek the identity within

Of course, the environment we live in

our family, where we grow up

our friends

we are a whole with them

everywhere in me

in every part of my soul they exist

My loved ones are within me

They make me who I am

They fill in who I am

I mean

They are engraved into the deepest bit of my cells

and I can't

I can’t define myself as a separate whole or a separate being

I believe that human beings are one whole

and

If you're one, you're a thousand

and if you're a thousand, you are one

I mean

that concept

I see it as human

so

it's definitely very connected

to the environment we live in

to the family we grew up in, as I said

my loved ones, my friends

so

while defining yourself

you can't separate yourself from your bond with them

Okay, since you're a painter

imagine

a white canvas

blank

and I tell you Hande, paint for me

paint your emotional state these days on that canvas

on that board

What would you paint?

First of all

I’d get a lot of different paints

I'd buy colorful paints

I wouldn’t draw anything but

I'd bring together colors I love

that make me feel good in that moment

Colors that have energies that make me feel good

and

I’d start to dance with that canvas

and as it dances

the form it would take

the blending of those colors

That's the only way I could reflect what I'm feeling now

What are these colors?

The first thing

that comes to my mind is powder pink

although I’m not someone who dresses very colorfully

But lately

I’ve been trying to be a bit more colorful

Maybe a beautiful shade of yellow

Brown would also take place among the colors

Gray as well

Okay

What's your childhood in three words, Hande?

Three words

Cheerful

Happy

Exciting

Exciting

Why exciting?

because I used to always

get very excited about new things

I mean, I grew up in a very small place

and there were so few options where I grew up

that I would try to find the newest one among them

I grew up in a very limited place

When I say that, people don’t really get it

But really, I found out the next neighborhood existed

when I was thirteen

so I was always really excited

about new things

newcomers, new people,

So I was an always excited child

Going somewhere new

Going beyond the place I lived in

that’s why it was exciting

You know, your eyes

until now

still have the eyes

of that curious child

Really?

because when

we entered that topic

your energy completely shifted

and how excited you got

you got excited like a curious child

who wants to see

- things and explore things - yes, that's possible

That's possible

I even got thirsty!

Do you want water?

I really do

When I got excited, I realized that I got thirsty

Okay, Hande

What's the happiest memory from your childhood?

Think of it this way

We used to live in a residential complex

and the complex was circular in shape

there was a park in the middle

Me and my sister,

with my sister

we always lived in that park

and until the evening

We could do whatever we wanted in that park

and in the evening my mom

would call us from the window

''Hande, Gamze''

''Come home''

and I would always wait for my mother's voice to go home

Whenever I think of my childhood,

that's the most beautiful memory

because I know that my mom is there

and she's calling us

A mother's voice

You know, it makes me reflect

I mean

Hande, you made me think

that

a lot of things in life

we get used to them

and forget their value

until they're gone

It could be

a mother’s voice

It could be

a certain kind of cake

someone bakes for us

a family gathering

so glory be to God, really

We don’t feel these things

until we lose them

I don’t really think that way

or I’m not really like that

I wasn’t

I’ve always appreciated what I had

while it was still there

or rather this was taught to me

or like

I never

When I say I grew up without seeing lack

I never grew up seeing the absence

of anything really, but

I was always raised with the feeling that

I should value what I have

or I should appreciate the people in my life

or

someone I’ve just met

I should really know their worth

This is how I was raised, thus, nothing becomes valuable

after I lose it

They're always valuable for me since the beginning

Okay, let's play this game, Hande

you say you used to appreciate things

as long as they were there

so you didn’t really

feel their value strongly

even when they were gone

Fair?

Okay

But can a person truly comprehend

100% of the value of something

while it’s still present?

100%

I mean

I can’t say they comprehend it 100%

But

As long as you don’t make it feel worthless

if there’s not a single moment when you make it feel worthless

then for you or for them

it can be 100%

That’s why

Whatever loved one is with me

or whatever I value in my life

I try to never make them feel worthless

I always chose to never make them feel worthless

If you don’t make them feel even once like they’re unimportant

That means you valued them 100%

believing in them 100%

embracing them

accepting them

Has anyone ever

made you feel that you were worthless

Of course that happened

Of course

and is that the reason

why you insist on making everyone feel valuable

so that no one

feels the way you once felt?

No, it's not that

because I didn’t know that feeling as a child

the feeling of being made to feel worthless

I never experienced that in my childhood

I was

raised with a lot of care

so I didn’t know that feeling

I came to know this feeling later on

What is it like when people feel worthless

and what can happen to them

I learned that later

So it's not that

I treat people with value because I’ve felt or experienced it

I give value just because someone is human

That’s how I behave

and then it becomes their choice

whether they value me or not

that part is out of my hands

What's the hardest phase of your childhood?

We mentioned the happiest, what about the hardest?

The hardest phase of my childhood..

Honestly, when I think back to my childhood

I can’t find a tough phase

because I experienced everything much later

starting from my teenage years

I could say my teenage years

because I was a very difficult child

But I don't really have a painful memory in my childhood

not many at least

I had a really beautiful childhood

Or I want to believe that

Because the days that came later were so bad

That I want to say my childhood was really beautiful

at least

Let's get into another topic

Is beauty something important?

Beauty is important

Okay..

Especially in the beginning of your career.

Were you disturbed by the fact that some people

used to link your success to your beauty?

This is a great question

Well..

of course this

I mean

from both sides

I really didn’t know how to answer because

now

you try to achieve something

but people

have a certain perspective towards you

they see you

as beautiful

or not beautiful at all

they find you ordinary

or they think you’re the most beautiful girl in the world

but you’re trying to achieve something else there

You’re seeking a different kind of approval

You’re trying to be liked

You’re trying to pursue a profession

and when people only assess you physically..

They already don’t see it

and this

no matter how much you try here

no matter how much

you try to prove something

If they didn’t change their perspective of you

Then you can’t change it

Of course, from the time I first started until now

There are a lot of such judgments and opinions

but

this is no longer in my hands

I’ve realized that

and what's the other side?

On the other hand,

You’re beautiful, but what does beauty mean to you?

I mean, yes

You are beautiful

But what does beauty mean to you?

What does beauty mean to you?

I don’t want to say this cliché line

but it’s something I truly believe in

and because of that

I defend it wholeheartedly

beauty is truly something

that comes from both inside and outside

No matter how beautiful you are

if there's a bit of evil in your heart..

Beauty

can't really be seen

It can't be seen, but

If beauty flows from within you

If kindness truly comes from the heart

if compassion and conscience truly flow from your heart

then you can be infinitely beautiful

There’s a saying you might like, that I always repeat

Let me tell it to you

By Socrates

He says

I’ll say it in English

"Speak so I can see you"

Speak so I can see you

For me, this is

If I ever get a tattoo it’ll be “Speak so I can see you”

Because from the outside,

it's very easy

to be impressed by someone

if they’re good-looking

But let them speak

Then you’ll know whether they’re truly beautiful or not

Yes

So this is one of the most beautiful sayings

I’ve ever learned

It's really beautiful

Okay

I told you about success

and how people often associate success with beauty

"Of course she became successful, she’s beautiful"

But success is a word

What does success mean to you, Hande?

First of all, I think

It's about how much closer you get

to the dreams you built, that’s success

I mean, not through people’s eyes, but your own

Every person has a dream

a place they want to reach

Success is how close you get to that place

And what's your dream?

Right now, I have a lot of dreams

Get started!

Very long

I've got a very long journey ahead

Despite that, I believe haven’t even started on my journey yet

so

I won't be really able to say

all of my dreams one by one

But truly

both for myself

and

to be a source of inspiration

I have many dreams I’ve envisioned

Give me one of them

Okay

The drawings I make

I want them to reach a certain point

I want to exhibit my drawings to people now

When will the exhibit be held?

Yes

I want to hold an exhibition but

When I get to a certain age

No, when?

When is the exhibition?

When as in ''What time?''

Well, I'm already drawing now

I've been drawing for a very long time

I have a studio

and I started drawing there too

But

I'm not talking about right now

when I reach a certain age

I want people to say “This is a Hande Erçel masterpiece”

Are you the type who doesn’t like

to share your dreams

until you accomplish them?

Yeah, I don’t really share them, yeah

That's obvious

Well

Because I'm afraid, I have fears

like, what if it doesn’t happen

I still haven’t figured it out

I mean sometimes, even this interview

Okay?

I don't know, sometimes if

I tell someone, I don’t even tell

like, even my family doesn’t know

no one knows

No one knows that I’m doing an interview with Hande today

except the team

Okay

But I ask myself, ''Am I being too paranoid?''

And it’s okay, you can say

or maybe it’s better not to say

I don’t know

I'm the same

exactly the same

I don't share a lot of stuff

until it actually happens..

I don’t really like talking about things

I wasn’t like that before

I used to share right away

Thinking like, ''It will happen''

But now I've moved past that

I realized it wouldn’t happen after talking about it

maybe we’re draining its energy

like

maybe I talk about it so much that

its energy gets used up

So now I’ve learned to hold it back a little, to keep it to myself

You know, I noticed

there’s another nice angle to that

Like why is it better not to say anything?

I’ll tell you why

The problem is when you tell people you love

that you have something big

Let’s say for example

let’s say today’s interview

So I tell maybe

four people who love you

''Oh, you're doing an interview with Hande?!''

and in the end the interview doesn’t happen

Now I have to feel

the pressure, not just because I didn’t see you

but from the four people

Whom I shared the information with

Now I have to say, "She got sick, so she won’t be able to make it."

So now the pressure multiplies, instead of just me being upset

now there’s pressure from four people

who were expecting it

And the same thing happened to me recently

I was in South Korea

and there was supposed to be

an interview with Chris Martin

from Coldplay

So I told my kids

because they love Coldplay

I told my ex-wife because she’s obsessed

with Coldplay

And then Chris

got very sick

So we couldn’t film the episode

So the pressure wasn’t just Anas’ pressure

It was my kids’ pressure

It was the pressure of their mother

So I felt like I wish I hadn’t told anyone

Just finished everything

then told them

You get me?

Yes, that’s exactly what I’m talking about

sometimes it’s

all set not to happen

and you’re left stuck with what you said

so true

I'd rather stay stuck with it myself than making everyone have expectations, you know?

I read, Hande

that

your fans who love you

were very worried about you for a while

because you lost a lot of weight

I don’t know how much exactly, I didn’t see

but why were they so worried about you?

I don’t know

I mean, I didn’t even lose that much weight

I was actually like this

actually, here’s the thing, the misunderstanding is

People thought I was very overweight

I mean

I was very young

It’s been twelve years since I got into the industry

and during my teenage years

My process of gaining and losing weight

Happened before the eyes of people

That people thought I was really overweight

and that I lost a lot of weight

actually that’s not the case

I gained weight for about a year and a half

about eight kilos

I was eight kilos heavier than now

and I lost those eight kilos after

a year and a half, two years

that’s all that happened

but people blow these things way out of proportion

I don’t know why

you know

these were the comments made toward my body

How many cheeseburgers have you eaten?

I don’t eat meat

Oh, never?!

- No döner kebap, iskender kebap or anything? - I don't eat red meat

Iskender kebap is number one for me

I love it

I don't consume red meat

So you only eat fish? Pescatarian?

Pescatarian, yes, fish

I only don't eat red meat

No, not really pescatarian

I only don't eat red meat

Okay, you eat chicken?

Yes

Now I do

Unfortunately, that's the case

Okay

Alright

I want to get into an important topic

which is loss

So

Your mother’s name is Aylin?

Right?

Okay, Aylin

Describe your mom for me

She is life

She is joy

She is love and life herself

The sea

Everything, really

Your mother passed away because of cancer

Right?

How did you as Hande, deal with the loss

of something great and significant in your life?

At first, you don’t really understand

you don’t realize

what it could be

And

I still don’t know if I managed to cope

But

I held to one thing, to be honest

What did she want from me?

What would she have wanted from me?

now or back then

if she were here what would she say to me

I always shaped my life accordingly

I always asked what her words would be

Because

in a way you know

because, she is my flesh, my bones and my cells

her existence is within me

and somehow you know the answer

I kept going by holding onto that

Did I cope?

This isn’t something one can cope with

Or something

I could say is over and done

This

is something you learn to swim with

Somewhere in those seas..

And I’m in that sea

swimming to find her

Swimming toward the day I reunite with her

It’s a journey

How long has it been since she passed away?

Six years

Six years

I was twenty-five

Does one become used to loss?

You don't get used to it

But I think the greatest gift God gives

the ability to forget or to adapt

you become

you learn to live with it

I mean

one day comes

and it hits like the first day

You scream and cry out loud

and you get sad

but another day comes

and you're like, okay wait

You accept that she is now in a different

and if that’s what getting used to means

I don’t know what to even call it

Maybe it's adaptation

Maybe

I haven’t experienced

the kind of loss you’ve experienced

but I’ve experienced other types

and one thing I’ve learned

about loss

is that

you can’t expect

today’s feeling

to be the same tomorrow

like

if I feel fine today

I shouldn't say okay that’s it

I’m fine now and will be from now on

or if I feel down today

I shouldn’t say I’ll be depressed

for the next six months

I noticed it’s like stocks, like the stock market

one day you feel okay

but you shouldn’t get too excited

and say

I’ll feel okay tomorrow too, no, maybe you’ll feel down tomorrow

so this is something

you take one day at a time, that’s what I’ve lived

Yeah, it never really goes that way

Really, just like you said

like the stock market, one day like this, one day like that

I guess you just get used to it

or you adapt

people use certain words

I'm still unsure about it

Your niece, Mavi?

Mavi

It means Blue?

Yes

Okay

Mavi

The cute little girl, how old is she now?

She will turn six, five and a half now

Okay

Mavi also had cancer

and she was able to beat it, right?

Okay, how is she now?

Now, thank God

Thankfully, she's doing great

Mavi went through that when she was two and a half years old

Of course, she resembled a hope for us after my mom passed away

Then we had another shock

But thankfully, everything is fine now

There are things she has to be careful about for the rest of her life

and there are things we have to be careful about too

But right now she’s a

very sweet, cheerful and lively little girl

Do you like the idea

of having children one day?

That’s a bit of a scary idea for me

That's why I'm asking

Yes, but

I can't say I don't want

I do

Yes

I have such a strong bond with my mom

or with my sister

or with Mavi

With my sister, her mom

with me

we create such strong bonds

So I

I’d like to build that bond with someone

who is of my own flesh and blood

I'd like to add chains to this bond

Right

Look, I'm not sitting here trying to

convince you of something

or say

''Don’t be afraid''

or

no, you will be afraid

and that’s okay

it's totally normal

You know, the other day

I was talking to

We have a cat

It's Istanbul!

I know!

The other day

a couple days ago I was talking to

the manager who works with me

So I told him

We humans

see certain words

in a negative light

but their absence

is also negative. What do I mean by that?

If you have zero fear

that’s not good

anxiety, if it’s zero

that’s not good either

Everything is good in moderation

I mean you should have a little fear

but if you’re too afraid, you freeze

and you end up doing nothing with your life, you make no decisions

Anxiety

a little bit of it is good

like we get nervous, we check the camera

we talk, it’s okay

it’s good

but

too much anxiety

can also paralyze you and

you might get a panic attack or something

so we shouldn't take

things as in either zero or a hundred

A little anxiety is good

A little fear is good

So if you're afraid for your kids

Be afraid

But not too much

Be afraid enough to say, okay

I'll do a genetic test

I want to check the genetics between me and my husband

Okay nice

So you check, there are

some genetic risks

That's one

Pregnancy timing, what you eat

what you do

These are things a person can do

But after that, the rest is in God’s hands

We made a genetic test for Mavi

and it wasn't genetic-based

We had such an unfortunate situation, yes

Sometimes it's divine

You say it's God's will

He wanted another test

You know, there's something

I’ve been talking about a lot lately

What's the difference between

someone successful and someone who’s not

There are many traits

in a successful person compared

to a person who’s not successful

One of the most important traits

of a successful person is

someone who takes opportunities

Because opportunities are available to many people

You and I just walking in the street today

someone sends us an email or talks to us, there's a lot of opportunities

But many people are scared

They don’t take the opportunities

But some people do take them

The big difference between people

The person who takes opportunities

That’s one

Second

the person who knows

how to get back up after falling

Some people, once they fall

they stay down

for months and months

sometimes years, sometimes a lifetime

And some people

get upset

for a day or two, a week or two

but then they say okay

That’s it

Let’s go

I have to live

I have to do something

So, like you said

even with what happened to Mavi

what happened happened

and one must adapt and go on

and look for the next problem or the next challenge

That’s the most important thing in life

It’s a never-ending problem solving game

Life

Yes, that’s exactly it actually

I believe some things will eventually end

But

generally speaking

this is life, this is what it is

really

you fall and get back up

as long as you can keep falling and getting back up

life will make you fall again

maybe if I hadn’t gotten up when I fell

life wouldn’t have hit me again

So maybe, in a way, you're also directing it

I’m here, I’m strong, I can carry it

I can handle it

Then life says to you..

Oh, you’re used to it now

Then try once again

sometimes it feels like that to me

sometimes I wonder whether maybe you need to just fall and stay there for a while

Right

If you had a daughter one day, would you name her 'Aylin'?

Aylis is Mavi’s first name

I know

But your daughter..

No, I wouldn't

That's special for Mavi

Mavi is very special for us

It's her name

Mavi is our family's light

Our everything

That's why

I cannot connect that with anyone else

Okay

Hande, did your view of life

change after the loss

the loss of your mother?

Yes, because I realized that until then

I didn’t really know life

I didn’t know anything at all

I never experienced crying in that sense

I wasn’t aware of it

or what really makes me happy

what makes me angry

those things didn’t exist

or I wasn’t aware of them

I was living much more superficially

I’d fixate on something and say I’ll do it

I’d chase after it but never look back

After that, I learned

really

what emotions are

what life really is

what a human is

these are thing I learned later on in life

But I’m glad I learned it that way

I’m glad I didn’t know it earlier

so that I could live that kind of youth

I had a fun kind of youth

What does love mean to you?

I'm a person who's in deep love

I mean

I'm also very much in love with Mavi

I have three kids

I have three dogs

I say I have three kids

I'm in deep love with them too

and I'm in deep love with my friends too

I'm also very in love with my partner in my relationship

like

love

feels to me like the highest emotion I can experience

it encompasses everything

beyond all other feelings

The feeling that I can experience

that makes me feel most fulfilled

that fills my chest

love is something that makes my heart grow

Okay

Where is my..

Exactly!

Do you have the other one?

Okay, Hande

These are faster questions

Okay

Yes

They're lighter

Was our conversation that heavy?

No

I can go much deeper, don't worry

Okay

I noticed that

What's the emoji you use the most?

There's this emoji melting towards the side

Why, are you always tired?

You're drained?

No, not the tired one

I understand

- The one smiling and melting - I understand, but why?

Okay, okay

What's the weirdest dream you've seen?

The weirdest dream I've seen..

I saw it very recently

last week

I saw it exactly a week ago

I’m in an ocean with my sister

like a

there’s something like a dock in the middle of the ocean

and I’m jumping into the sea from it

We dived in

imagine cartoon dolphins

two dolphins

baby dolphins

they had cartoon faces

they looked like they were drawn

a dolphin came to each of us

we started petting them

the dolphin wraps around my neck

I’m hugging it

this was such a beautiful dream

probably that's the last

yes, the last one recently

What do you spend your money most on?

My dogs

Okay

Beauty, is it a blessing or a curse?

a blessing

Oh, you say ''Nimet'' in Turkey..

Do you find yourself as beautiful as people find you?

Yes, I do

Did fame change your perception towards yourself?

It changed it

How?

Fame is such a thing..

it gives you the chance

to look at yourself again

you start to see yourself again

not from people’s eyes

not what they think about you

you're now very

open

now you’re so open that wherever you look, you see yourself

because

everyone can now see you anytime, anywhere

and your energy is completely scattered

so you need to turn inward and look at yourself

''Where did I leave myself?''

like where exactly am I right now

in which

Which energy state stayed within me?

you need to reintegrate with yourself

you need to re-connect somewhere inside yourself

that’s why

Yes, it helped me

to look at myself again

Yes, you know..

This is an important topic we rarely talk about,

and not everyone understands it

I mean

for example,

sometimes when I talk to the team

Like the emoji you use, the melting one

I tell them

if I’m walking now

and thirty people stop me

I have to be kind and respectful

to all 30 people

even if I’m dying inside

but I have to because why

What's the fault of the person who’s seeing me for the first time

who wants to talk to me or take a picture

just because I’m tired, it’s not their fault

so I have to

push myself

and be kind and respectful even though

inside I’m tired

Kind and respectful

but after 30 people

only famous people will get me

I don’t know if you understand what I mean

I completely understand what you mean

because I’ve experienced the exact thing you described a lot

I still experience it a lot

yes, many times I felt

I’m dying inside

like I’m drying up, many times

and

Despite that, you have to

be and appear okay,

But you still hope the other person

would see and understand that from your eyes

Yes, of course you have to be very respectful

They know you, they love you

They want to get to know you

that’s completely different

but

I think they should be able to see it in your eyes sometimes

In such moments

if I don't go through such moments anyway

I would just hug hug everyone with joy

but sometimes there are moments

where truly my energy

doesn’t allow it

when I expect some respect too

Do I manage to do it? No, but..

sometimes I feel that we shouldn't experience that

only because we're constantly in the public eye

You said

a person has to pull themselves together

How do you take care of yourself

and put yourself back together again?

What do I do..

I’m not someone who is far from their center

this much

How can I say it..

I may seem all over the place

I travel a lot, I work a lot

I’m everywhere

but I’m not someone who lost their center

Whenever I

turn to myself

I’m immediately at home

immediately with my family

immediately with my partner

like

I’m with my friends

I never lost that axis

I still meet up with my childhood friends

My closest friends in life are still the ones

I’ve been with them since I was five

I mean

I never

opened up much to the outside world anyway

Thus, I ground myself wherever I left myself

by meeting up with them

by finding my roots and my essence

I gather myself back

You know Hande..

I was in an interview

not long ago chatting with someone

and

he said something I always say, but he said it

better than I do

What did he say?

He said, you know Anas

you as Hande

Me, as Anas

We juggle many balls in life

Family, work

Dogs..

Health, etc..

So we have to

play with all of life's balls

in order to keep a sustainable life

Some people sometimes throw you a ball

Take this one too

And you're trying to..

not let any ball fall

I always used the same metaphor

Okay?

But he said it in an even better way

He said, it's always okay to add more balls

But he said

What's most important

is to know which of these balls is made from crystal

Because if this ball falls, it will break

and you'll break as well

and you say, okay

Family

is crystal

Mavi is crystal

My partner, is crystal

Alone time

is crystal

Maybe some things

like friends

You'd say, okay

I won't see my friends this week

I'll see them in two weeks

It's okay, it's a rubber ball

not a crystal ball

Some stuff, you can never neglect

because your identity would break along with them

And some other stuff, even if they fall

You're going to pick it back up

and continue, just don’t leave it down for too long

That's one of the most beautiful things I've heard, this week

I can't even imagine

seeing it break

that image can't even come to my mind

So you have to protect them

I mean really protect them, you know

I protect them as much as I can

I hug them here like this

Good

You've said

''I have learned that love is relative''

''and when I love myself''

''people start loving me''

Can you explain more what you meant by that?

Every person is really a reflection of another

I believe in that

and

let me give you an example from now

I came here

I'm having this conversation with you

and I

feel such good

energy in myself right now

Right now, I love myself so much here

doing something like this for the first time

knowing you wouldn't judge me

or that I won’t judge myself

I’m giving myself that compassion

and I believe my energy is being transmitted to you

You also now know

''Wait a minute''

''Maybe I can actually like this girl''

''Maybe this girl''

''is really here with her genuine love''

That’s exactly what I’m talking about

If I find this within myself

I believe that I will reflect it outward as well

I believe this is how I will be perceived by others

I'm not talking about those with evil hearts

people full of malice

or those who feed on hatred

there's nothing we can do about them anymore

that's it

the reality of our time, unfortunately

But that’s exactly what I’m talking about

If I love myself

If I treat myself with enough compassion

then you’ll treat me that way too

you'll love me too

Right

You know, the more I live

the more I realize that

the outer world

is a reflection of your inner world

That’s what I started to notice

How we see life

How

How we design our lives

What you do with your life..

I feel all of that

has to start from the inside

And that’s something I’ve started to see more and more

I mean, I can’t really say that

because I see out there

things that have nothing to do with me

or maybe it does

There are such strange and incomprehensible things, unfortunately

It’s not about my perspective on life

If I’m reflecting this, that would be so sad

I should immediately

do something about myself

But I don’t think it’s about me

It's about a completely different world

It's like there's a bubble

right here

my own little bubble

and then there's another bubble here

completely different, filled with negativity

a bubble releasing smoke

maybe over here there's someone else's own little pink bubble

That's what I'm talking about

this is not my perspective

maybe I’m just seeing it this way from the outside

maybe if I stepped in it would be different

But I’m also sure it wouldn’t

You know something

that has been recently on my mind, Hande

I was talking

to my psychiatrist

the therapist

and he told me

There's a study by Carl Jung

Carl Jung found

in his studies

that every person

has an inner image

of their partner

their ideal partner

What I mean is

if I ask you

Who’s your dream man?

and you ask me, Anas who’s

Who’s the woman of your dreams?

I'd tell you for example

Someone beautiful, natural, smart, independent

educated, elegant

I’d say things that I consciously am aware of

That's what I can say

but then you say, Okay Anas, let me see your history

Come over here

you say, Anas the girl you used to love

and the one before her

and the one before her

they have nothing to do with what you just told me

So he was saying, a person must look at

their pattern

what they keep repeating

like the girl who says

''Every time I fall in love''

''My boyfriend cheats''

They are all cheaters

so the question is, is the problem

with them

or is the problem with your choice

and what you're attracted to

why do you only get attracted

to the kind of people who cheat

so here's the question

Back to Carl Jung, the psychologist…

used to say that

everyone has an inner image

an unconscious image

of what they're attracted to

it's very different from what you say

but sometimes it's the same

and you're in a very good place

if what you say

matches the inner image you carry of a partner

so this is

exactly where one needs to

reflect on their behavior, like why

are we drawn to this kind of friends or this kind of business managers

or this kind of lovers

because I say

I don’t like that

but why do I still choose it?

and this goes back to childhood..

So the reason you said

You get drawn maybe

You said, if the external world is a reflection of me

Then why am I only seeing these things that I don't like

but one must ask themselves these questions

Now it's your turn, the mic is yours

I totally get you

and I respect your view

That's a perfect conclusion but

I believe we must also think like the following..

Just the other day

someone who means a lot in my life

said something like this

and it really stayed with me

since the moment I heard it

I've been thinking about it

it was really important

they said

now this is a different topic, I’ll continue on it

I won’t share the exact example they gave, but

if you're choosing someone

The version of you at that age is choosing, not you

If you spend five years with someone

or a year or ten years

The version you’ve become

that’s not you anymore

for the new version of you to chose them

now there's another issue here

if you're keep making the same mistakes and choices

then you haven’t changed

You still haven’t figured out what you want, or as you said

subconsciously

you haven’t looked at what’s there and what you want

That’s why you keep ending up in the same place

You're picking the same apple

but

if you realize you've changed

That you’re no longer that person

if you look back at yourself

if you dig in a little

You choose someone else as the person you've become,

maybe the one you choose

becomes your reflection

maybe they truly are the person you want

I grabbed the mic and talked

Right

You know, I've heard something weird

You have a sister, right?

Yes

What's your age difference?

One and a half year

Not even two

Are you from the same parents?

- Yes - Okay

Do you know that you don't have the same parents like her?

How come!

There's no two sibling in the world

Who have been born to the same parents

Unless they're twins

Why?

Because your mom and dad change everyday

When your parents had Hande

They were a different version

or copy

of the parents who had your sister

That was the same example they gave

The one I just said I didn’t want to share

That’s exactly what they were talking about

They said when they

weren't the same person they were when they had their first child

so how could they raise the second the same way

I really liked that

It was the exact same example

That’s why I remembered it

Okay

How old would you be if you didn’t know your age?

I want to feel younger but

I really love my age too

I love what my thirties have brought me

But I feel like life

owes me something, so

I want to stay 24

Okay

Do you believe in love at first sight?

I do, yes

How?

I want to understand how

Well, actually it depends

it varies from person to person and

Then maybe there's toxicity at first sight

That's also possible

That's also possible

The problem is

Do you know why I’m bringing this up?

Because love

depends on what your concept of love is

Some people say love is

when you respect someone and trust someone

Not attraction

Attraction is attraction

That’s fine

Attraction is one thing

But to love a person

you need to know them and trust them

and you need to respect them

So how can I love someone at first sight

and say, I respect you and I trust you

at the supermarket

At first sight? That’s hard

Well, love

You can fall in love

at first sight

you can fall in love,

but whether you will share a life together

That’s something you decide along the way

So

we can’t rule it out by saying

“It can’t be love at first sight”

You fall in love

But it’s a journey

And in that journey, let’s see what happens

Will you trust? Will you accept?

That’s a different issue, I think

I can’t combine that with the main issue

because the real story starts after that

Okay okay, fine

What’s the most important thing in a love relationship?

Compassion

Good answer

A date with your partner..

but you can’t spend more than $20, what do you do?

I have a very clear answer to this

On a Sunday

We have nothing to do

We’re at home,

I, the kids

our three dogs

are all with us

Winter or summer, doesn’t matter

We’ve ordered our favorite ice cream

We’ve put on our favorite show

Eating our ice cream

Laying down, cuddling the kids

What’s your favorite color

at this point in your life?

Blue

Three reasons why

It wasn't this way before, but blue became light for me

It became the sea

It gives me a different kind of peace

Blue always gives me..

It used to be navy blue before

But now it’s

shifted to a lighter blue

Blue always awakens a feeling

of peace inside me

I guess

there’s something ancestral about it

White, blue, that kind of thing

Maybe it’s something to do with them, I don’t know

It reminds me of my mother

and my baby is 'Mavi' (blue)

Why

What does blue represent to you?

Freedom

Freedom, nice

And you said the sea too, right?

Why the sea?

Because

If I weren’t born as a human, I would’ve preferred

to be a fish in the sea

The sea is such

a limitless indescribable world,

which I think is still an undiscovered world

Probably because of my excitement and curiosity

Okay then

We said favorite color

What’s your favorite animal?

Dog

Horse

Dogs and horses

Let’s go with the dog

Three reasons why dogs

They’re scholars, very wise

Very

They're very sensitive, I mean they experience emotions so purely

Infinitely

like, that much

Unconditional and pure

I mean pure energy

That’s why

and they're friends

Okay, so the color

is you

so you

are describing who Hande is

Freedom

Peace

You remind yourself of your mother

So that's who you are

Okay?

Why?

Why did you have this reaction?

I liked it

I really liked it

I started the conversation by saying I can't describe who I am

I really liked it

And look, before I move to the second point

Hande, you were talking about your energy

with me, right

First of all, we’re in a very

I didn’t know we’d be filming here

But they chose this location

And I learned that

I don’t believe in coincidences

I don't believe in coincidences anymore

So I don’t know why we chose this place,

There's a certain vibe

And specific colors

And you’re wearing blue, behind you it’s blue

And your energy

You're very zen

You have a calming energy

I don’t know what you’ve done in your life in the past two years

after your mother

But it looks like you’ve really worked on yourself

So you have

a foundation

You're calm

When you said 'Calm'

That blue has peace in it

I know

Without you saying it

Thank you

I really like that

Thanks a lot

Freedom, peace

Remembering your mother

The animal

resembles the ideal partner

Okay?

It's important to you that your partner

your boyfriend, fiancé, or future husband

They must be a friend

He must be very innocent with his feelings

Generous with his emotions

Gives without any agenda

Without any nonsense

And you said first, you told me

They’re smart, scholars

What do you mean by scholars?

I didn’t understand

Because I was talking about my dogs

I’ll give the example about my dogs

When I say scholars

I mean this

My children are like that

Dogs in general are like that

They have scholars' souls

as if

they came into this world knowing everything

they came into this world knowing every person

and the way they look at me

or at anyone else

that

they can sense all your energy

as if they can transfer to you the whole nature

they pass on everything to you

they have such wise souls

True

And you know, I noticed

something you said 20 minutes ago

You said

when someone is scattered and they need to give away their energy

they wish that someone would understand them just from a glance

So dogs understand you

without you speaking

You know

We humans are kind of dumb, we don’t get that

we don’t notice

Yes, exactly, I wish that was the case..

What’s the best advice someone has ever given to you?

I can't recall anything someone said

Yeah, nothing specific comes to mind

I mean

There are people I really love in my life

Especially women, in particular

I always hear this from them

generally

I'm going to talk about something general

something they always say

They always told me to keep going

Always

keep going

That’s what I've always done

Whenever I felt like stopping

they told me to keep going

and I kept going

But in general, all the women

I love and who impacted my life said that

You know that the shark

dies if it stops moving

Did you know that?

Yes

So life is the same

Meaning, a person must always keep going

I think you used the word “devam et”

I heard it in Turkish

But I mean

one must keep going

If you stop, you start to fall

Okay, Hande

I asked you this

When are you going to do your art exhibition?

We need to set a target

Five years, two years, one year

No, not to that extent

Not to that extent

It’s just

the shooting schedules are very intense

and I need to reach a certain

number of paintings and I haven’t reached that yet

Hopefully next year

- Okay - Yes

It was supposed to be two years ago

But hopefully next year

Okay

If I educate myself more in art

I’ll definitely come see it

But I need to educate myself more

I hope you come, I’ll definitely let you know

What's something you can't forgive?

There is

There’s something, not just a thing

It's a situation

Back then

during those hard times

the tough times I talked about

I was made to feel so

bad by my own society

That's why

I experienced situations that I can't forgive

People's social media comments

or like magazine comments

were so strange and superficial

Some situations that I will never forgive happened

I can say it was them, yes

Without knowing me at all, people..

without fully understanding what I went through

They said such terrible things

Like you said, maybe they thought I was overweight

Although it's up to me to be overweight

But to me, I wasn’t

But

about my weight

my acting

my circle

I was attacked a lot back then because of these things

And what I was going through was completely different

I wish they had picked a better time

But that

deeply affected my entire life

Maybe even this calmness I’ve developed today

could be because of that

It affected me so much

That I won’t forgive it

I was so young

And at that very young age

These aren't things that should never be done to a young girl

It was a terrible example

A terrible thing

Done to such a young girl

Really awful actions

I’ll never forgive that period

I don’t forgive it

Do you feel that

not forgiving someone can exhaust you more?

No

I don’t feel exhausted by this

I was already so tired

let it be that I don’t forgive

Then let me be tired of not forgiving

This amount of tiredness is acceptable

Let it be

I keep it here

Exactly

What’s the most hurtful thing

someone has ever told you?

That you can’t forget

You know, during that time

Back then, they said such harsh things to me

They called me “bazlama” (flatbread)

Many harsh things were said

About my body

About my face

About my acting

I was harshly judged

I was attacked a lot

Awful things were said to me

There are so many of them

that they can’t be counted

So I can’t really name something specific

And imagine this

There’s a crowd

They choose someone

And they do everything to make that person feel bad

They do it collectively

Not just one person

They do it collectively

and that collective cruelty

at some point it leaves an effect, unfortunately

Even if not by one person

that collective cruelty

is such a strong energy

And you end up creating that effect on a very young girl

How were you able to get out of that viscous cycle?

You were a young and sensitive girl and all that attack was directed to you

How did you get out of it?

There was already something much bigger I was dealing with

Like I said, I was

in my own bubble

and it was a separate place

There, I mean

That's when I was able to separate everything

What I was dealing with

I was fighting for my life

I have a soul here

I was defending myself

I was like, just leave me alone

That’s why I think I could get out of it

Otherwise, have I been a girl who

hadn't experienced any of this before

I could have fallen into that pit

and done all sorts of things

I could’ve changed a lot

I could’ve turned into a very bad person

My issue was something else

I had a problem

It was something else

I stayed on this path

I remained in this calmness

This is a hypothetical question

If I gave you a letter

with the date of your death

Would you open it or not?

I’d open it

Why?

I’d open it right away

- I’d open it for sure - Why!

I’d want to know

Because if I go

I'll reunite with those I love,

If I stay, I’ll be with my loved ones here

It doesn’t really make a difference for me

I moved past that a long time ago

So I’d open it right away

I would live here to the fullest

and then I’d go

You said you’re curious, actually right, very curious

It shows

Okay, now

We're going to play this game

Only one question, mix these

mix this for me

okay

and then do this

and I'll choose one for you

I will ask you a question

okay

Oh nice

Alright, so I'm going to ask you the question

and this is how you answer

before answering throw this

Okay

Okay, what is the thing

To the floor?

that makes you feel powerful?

a story

Like I said, growing up in a very small place

I first came to Istanbul at seventeen

and I didn't really have any travel experience

then I started working

after I started working

I went on some trips with a few friends but

one day I grabbed my backpack

I bought a ticket

and went on a trip alone

and I went to a place I had been before

because I didn’t trust myself enough

to go somewhere completely unfamiliar

So I went to a place I knew

and

without knowing any other places

without going to familiar spots

I walked out of the airport

I wandered through streets

I sat in a café

had something to drink

went for dinner

It was such a trip

where I was just myself

My first solo trip made with my own earned money

that was such a big power for me

yes I remember that

it was one of the moments when I felt the strongest

Nice

See, when someone sits and thinks, they remember beautiful things

Yeah

I find many things when I think

What do you fear the most?

My biggest fear

I don’t want to summon it

I think you understand me now

I'm afraid to attract the energy if I say it

No, I mean

you didn’t get the question?

Then, let me say that my biggest fear is losing someone else

one of the people I love most

yes, that’s my biggest fear

But are you afraid of dying yourself?

No

What is the one thing

Hande, that you need most in your life today?

Right now I’m at a place in life where

I say thank God

and

beyond gratitude, there's nothing

I feel that I need

thank God that...

there’s nothing missing

Yes

I feel like if I say something

it might be wrong

I mean

everything is good right now

everything is really good right now

my job

my career

my family, my relationship, everything is going so well

what I might need

maybe a bit more rest

but that’s also my own choice so I can’t really complain

When was the last time

you hugged your father?

Two weeks ago

How’s your relationship with him?

Good, my relationship with my father was always good

But still, things are changing

and those changing things

I mean

what he’s experiencing is very different

from what I’m experiencing

but both of us

respect each other’s space

But our relationship is good

I love my father very much

Yeah, I relate

What’s your last memory with your mom?

As a family, we listen to Sezen Aksu a lot

Maybe you know Sezen Aksu

We listen to Sezen Aksu and

I mean

my mom knew all of her songs

She knew them all by heart

one of my last memories with her

I played a Sezen Aksu song in the hospital

My mom turned and looked at me

swaying her head

We sat silently together

and listened to a Sezen Aksu song

We mentioned her a lot today

Are you happy?

Yes

I'm happy

Are you at a good place in your life?

Yes

I'm in a good place

thank God, yes

Thank God

I worked so hard for this, I really worked hard but now

Thank God

Are you someone who really

hides her emotions?

I mean, do you avoid showing your feelings to others?

I don’t hide my feelings, actually

but

not many people understand or know me

I mean truly know me

I don't communicate much

with people I don’t know

Actually I don’t hide it, it’s not something I do consciously

I used to be a very outgoing social butterfly

but I’ve changed a lot

because as I said

people started judging so much without knowing or understanding

especially with social media and this new world

They judge me without knowing me a lot

that I no longer feel the need to explain myself

I only explain myself to those who truly

want to know me

I want to know

Now there's one more person who knows me, and I liked that

I'm curious

about people

You know..

I love getting to know people

The funny thing is, Hande, sometimes when I’m at the supermarket

or a restaurant

or talking to someone over coffee, they ask, “Is this ABtalks?”

and I’m like,

I’m the same person

Whether in front of the camera or not

But even if you take the camera away

While we're sitting

I would sit the same way

Same

Bring a coffee

We will talk, but not on text

No texting

I can do this for two hours

Okay, we're going to finish now

If I take Hande's heart

and put it outside

what does Hande’s heart say to her?

That it’s tired

but

still ready to open new rooms

I mean

It wouldn’t say “enough”

It would want to grow

New doors, new rooms

It would blossom with new flowers

It would say that it wants these flowers

and that it still hasn’t given up on them

but it would also say it’s tired

This is the last question

Hande in one word

Joy

Joyful

Joy

Okay

I’ll ask a bonus question

Go ahead

What’s the question..

What’s a question you don’t want me to ask?

And what is it?

I think nothing was left unsaid between us

That's also true

Because I talked about things I usually say I would never talk about today

There was a locked door and you unlocked it

So

Send it, I’m waiting

You can ask anything

I can stay here till the evening

That’s for another interview

Not #ABtalks

I agree

Thank you

Thanks

I appreciate it