What’s the smartest way you’ve tested your daughter’s boyfriend?

What's the smartest way you've tested

your daughter's boyfriend? I pretended I

didn't speak English around him for 6

months and heard everything he said when

he thought I couldn't understand. My

daughter Emma started dating this guy

Kyle last year. Nice-l lookinging kid,

always super polite around me and my

wife. Maybe too polite. He'd bring

flowers every time he came over. Always

offered to help with dishes. Called me

sir non-stop. Something felt rehearsed

about it. I was born in Brazil but moved

here when I was 10. No accent at all

anymore. But my parents taught me to

never lose my Portuguese. One night at

dinner, Emma mentioned that Kyle was

taking Spanish in college. I got this

crazy idea. Next time he came over, I

pretended I barely spoke English. just

smiled, nodded, and spoke Portuguese

with Emma translating. Said I'd had a

stroke that affected my language center.

Emma was confused, but played along when

I explained my plan in private. She

thought I was being ridiculous, but

agreed to help. The first few weeks,

Kyle was exactly the same. Super

respectful, patient with the language

barrier. He even downloaded a

translation app. By month two, cracks

started showing. When Emma left to use

the bathroom, he'd mutter things under

his breath. "This food is disgusting.

How long is this dinner going to take?"

Once I heard him quietly mock my accent

to himself. I pretended not to notice,

just smiled and offered more food. When

Emma's birthday came around, Kyle showed

up with an expensive bracelet. Later, I

overheard him on the phone in our

backyard. Yeah, I returned the cheap one

and got the silver one instead. Her

dad's loaded. Got to look the part. That

was interesting. I'm comfortable, but

definitely not loaded. We live in a

normal three-bedroom house. I drive a

2016 Subaru. One Saturday, Emma had a

shift at the hospital. She's in nursing

school. Kyle came by anyway. Said he

left his charger. I let him in, still

doing my broken English act. While I

pretended to watch a Portuguese soccer

game, he took pictures of our mail, our

investment statements, even opened my

desk drawer when he thought I wasn't

looking. The next week, I accidentally

left fake bank statements showing a

negative balance and massive debt on the

kitchen counter just to see what would

happen. 3 days later, Kyle told Emma he

needed space and wasn't sure about their

relationship. Said he wanted to find

himself before getting serious with

anyone. Emma was heartbroken but

suspicious. She asked if my test had

shown anything. I told her everything

I'd heard. We waited to see if Kyle

would come back once the fake bank

statements disappeared. Sure enough, 2

weeks later, he texted her saying he'd

worked through his issues and wanted to

try again. Emma invited him over for

dinner. He brought the usual flowers,

called me sir again. I served his

favorite meal, the one he'd called

disgusting behind my back. Halfway

through dinner, Emma started speaking to

me in perfect English. I responded the

same way. Kyle froze with his fork

halfway to his mouth. "You You speak

English?" he stammered, looking at me.

"I've spoken English for 35 years," I

said. "Almost as long as I've been able

to spot guys who date my daughter for

her money." The color drained from his

face. Emma placed her phone on the

table, playing a recording of him from

last week. "Once I'm in with her family,

her dad can hook me up with one of his

doctor friends. Then I'm set for life."

He tried denying everything. Said I

misunderstood. That my English must not

be good enough to understand context.

Emma held up his phone. He'd left it

unlocked when he went to the bathroom.

And these texts to your friends about my

rich family you plan to use. Am I

misunderstanding those, too? He grabbed

his phone and stormed out. Called Emma

crazy. Called me a sneaky old man. Emma

cried that night, but told me the next

morning she was grateful. 6 months of

hurt is better than years of lies. Dad

Kyle's now dating the daughter of a car

dealership owner. Emma's with a guy she

met at nursing school. He brings

homemade cookies instead of store-bought

flowers and talks to me the same way

whether Emma's in the room or