This Is the Last Time You Overthink a Man

This is the last time you're going to

overthink a man. Okay, honey bear. This

is the last time. We're going to cut it

out. And if this video doesn't do it, I

know what will. I know what will. I got

a trick up my sleeve. This is the last

time you're going to overthink a man. 10

steps to stop spiraling and enter your

unbothered era. Like me. Like me. I

sound like Borat. Five years ago or so.

You know, I was highly bothered, highly

preoccupied. And now all I'm bothered

about is my lip journey. I've developed

this allergy on my lips. If you've been

following me on my Instagram stories,

you will know the saga that this is. But

before you write in the comments, if

you're watching this on YouTube or if

you are listening to this on your

favorite podcast app, then uh listen,

the saga is real. The blood tests are

fine. Everything is fine. And it seems

to be an allergy to what? What? What?

What? What? What? Baby wipes. Baby

wipes. The chemicals and baby wipes. So,

the reason I'm holding up this Lar Ro

Pose Mama Jama is because this seems to

be a lips safe thing for me right now. I

took for granted my King Kylie era. I

took for granted the time when I used to

just pop on any lip liner and just like,

you know, paint my lips blue, purple, or

whatever teal. I actually had one of her

teal wigs at the time. Madness. Anyway,

I took it for granted. Why? Because now

we're entering the organic era. I am no

longer accepting toxic chemicals on my

face like I am not accepting toxic men.

That's right, everybody. We're going to

go through the 10 steps of entering your

unbothered era. Why? To celebrate the

last week that you can enter my course,

my 3-day intensive 1h hour video

workbooks. How is it different to the

videos I make? Is a question I get asked

a lot. Well, it's stepby-step actionable

steps. And so don't indicate at me.

Don't indicate I'm podcasting. They're

indicating like they're going to park

where I'm parked. Like I'm podcasting.

Christ. Anyway, how it's different is

because jokes aside, it's got workbooks.

It's got a protocol of how I life coach,

of how I go through steps of of what it

is, how it's done, and getting you

through the other side of it

neurologically. I'm not going to do that

on a video on YouTube or a podcast

because it's just not for people who

have subscribed to it, right? The people

have not subscribed to that. But the

people have subscribed to know how to

stop overthinking a man because you know

what you are hindering when overthinking

a man. You're hindering your progress.

You think you're hindering your

lifespan. You're hindering your

happiness. You're hindering everything.

He's really not that important, babe.

He's really not that important. And in

fact, the more importance you give him,

the less important you are to him. What

you focus on, he focuses on. So if you

want him to focus on you, you focus on

you. And if you want him to focus on

himself, guess what you got to do? You

got to focus on him, too. Isn't that

amazing? Number one, you've got to name.

You've got to name what is really

happening. Also, I've heard all of you

say that you don't like, you know, the

audio over here in the car. You don't

like the audio. Listen, I'm my husband

is building me a studio actively.

actively. I've inspired him to build me

a studio in our new house and it's going

to be a studio in my house and it's

going to be beautiful and the audio is

going to be amazing. And then you're

going to complain to me, but I liked the

authenticity when you were in your car.

And I'm going to say, "Okay, Samantha,

but remember when I was in my car and

you were complaining about the fact that

about the audio?" Well, let's go back to

that anyway.

Trusty notes on my phone. Number one,

name what is really happening. You are

not thinking about him. Okay, Samantha.

You're trying to solve a feeling. When

you're cycling about a guy, whether he

be your husband or your friend or

someone you're dating, it's never about

the guy. It is about a feeling you're

trying to resolve. Let's be honest, he

reminds you of someone in your past, of

the way your dad didn't like you or some

connection you didn't make. You are

trying to overthink because you're

trying to solve an issue inside your

nervous system. You're trying to control

your nervous system response and you're

trying to retell the story. You're

trying to refabricate the story into

something that it wasn't. The real issue

isn't the man who did nothing to you.

Gerald is just some guy you met. Okay?

He's just works at your job and he's

done nothing. You've gone on one day and

now he's not talking to you that much.

But he kind of said hi at the water

machine. Is that what you guys do when

you walk corporate? that you go to a

water machine or a coffee machine. It's

emotional chaos that you're trying to

calm. It is the fact that he has

triggered in you some kind of memory and

some kind of response, not viscerally,

but in your mind about who he reminds

you of. You're trying to solve an

insecurity through a strategy that's not

going to work because that person's not

your dad. That person is not the person

who didn't approve of you in your

childhood. That person cannot give you

the validation that you so badly seek in

yourself. I've just blown my nose

because my children keep giving me the

plague

from school. Let me just check that I'm

not feral.

I'm feralish, but not that feral.

Number two, so that's the first thing.

You've got to understand that the

obsession is not about him. As magical

of a unicorn as he seems, it's never

about him. If you are a level of

obsession or overthinking like why did

he say this, why did he say that? Why

didn't he say this? Why didn't he say

that? He is not just a man. He's now a

representation of something different.

Step two, you must catch the pattern to

interrupt the cycle. Awareness is the

beginning of power. Okay? Awareness is

where people change. Alcoholics

synonymous is admitting to the issue

that is at hand. Walk yourself through a

real timeline of the spiral, checking

messages, obsessing, and over replying

and redirecting. Read back the messages.

You don't read back the messages because

you're embarrassed. You're embarrassed

to see how overengaged you are, how much

how little he's replying to. You know

when you pull up a phone and you see the

text messages and yours are like chunk

chunk chunk chunk chunk and he's like

one line, one line, one line. In the

beginning of my relationship with my

husband, I used to do that too. And I

know that I'm cycling because into my

anxious attachment. Like my husband

doesn't care anymore. It's it's it's

been a while. Like I go back and forth.

But I know that would have been deeply

unattractive in the beginning because I

can see when I cycle back into it. And

it's not because of our relationship now

because I'm secure in that relationship,

but it's more so about when I get

insecure about myself. Like for example,

right now he's stressed with our house

build and all that stuff and he is

sounding distant on the phone and he's

sounding angry on the phone. To be

honest, I don't really care because I

care more about my bloody lip allergy.

Okay. But when I'm feeling sensitive,

I'm like, why is he sounding different?

He doesn't love me the same way. And

it's just not true. Like, it's not all

about you, dear anxiously attached

woman. You need to pause when this is

happening and say, "I'm spiraling." Do

you not think I want to be like, "Babe,

what's wrong? What's wrong? Are you

upset? What's wrong? No one's upset.

You're going to make me upset."

There's a light above my head. You're

going to make me upset by always asking

if I'm upset. It's deeply annoying and

deeply disrespectful because as an

anxiously attached person, you never see

another person's reality for what it is.

You never see their real emotions. You

never see their real kind of

intricacies. And you always expect your

emotions to be catered to. Your emotions

are always number one and is deeply

annoying. Interrupt it with a ritual

like putting your phone in the drawer

where it always goes. Go outside journal

in my new journal that's coming out. In

the links below, I will put in the

description links below the links for

the expression of interest of our

magnificent journal which will transform

your life because you're going to

journal away and you will see that

instead of when you're spiraling

requesting a human being who never

caused a spiral in the first place,

you're going to address the human being

who is responsible for it and that is

yourself. Hi gorgeous. Sorry to

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Number three, step number three, get

obsessed with your nervous system, not

him. You see how I I don't know if

you've been on my stories. Like I said,

I'm obsessed with this whole lip

condition that I have

because I really want to wear nice

lipstick and I really want to look like

a cute pretty girl and it's really

unhinged and it's been 6 months and it's

really upsetting me. Okay, so I am

obsessed about things like building my

business and doing the journal. You're

never going to believe the color of this

journal. It is so cute, hot, and

amazing. You're going to love it. But

you need to start being obsessed with

your own health. I'm seeing a naturopath

at the moment for this. You need to

start doing yoga. You need to start

doing whatever it is you got to do to be

obsessed about your own progression in

life and your own health because that's

the thing that's going to make you

attractive and magical and

irreplaceable. Not chasing him. The

difference between he loves me and I

feel safe is everything. It is

absolutely everything. You do not need

him to love you to feel safe. You need

to feel safe around yourself. You need

to be the big bad adult that you're

searching for in him. You are the adult

now. You need to take your little self

in your hands, give yourself a cuddle,

and keep it stepping, keep it moving.

Okay? You need your your nervous system

needs to be regulated. I am not going to

regulate your nervous system here on

this YouTube video, on this podcast that

you're listening to. Maybe I can do an

in-depth one or go on my unbothered

3-day intensive. It's my favorite thing

I've ever done. You will really enjoy

it. Regulated women don't chase. You

need to regulate your own emotional

feelings. You know, spiral. They just

receive attention when it is given. And

if it's not given, they understand that

perhaps that person's not for them or

perhaps it's not there at the time.

Like, let's take my example. My

husband's stressed about our build. If I

was still anxiously attached and I was

overthinking men, I would do his head in

by being like, "What's wrong? What's

wrong?" And blowing up his phone and

texting him cute things because that's

what you do, right? You want to like

text him something cute. Check he's

still interested in you. Give a person

space, please, Samantha. Number four,

let the fantasy die. Let the fantasy

die. You're not addicted to him. You're

addicted to the potential. Let's call it

what it is. A madeup connection with

someone who hasn't actually earned your

energy, earned your time, done anything

for you. A lot of times if I ask a

woman, what is it that she finds so

appealing about this doofus? She never

knows what it is. He's not done

anything. You've basically given him

attributes and then fallen in love with

yourself. Yeah. You need to separate who

he is versus who you want him to be. You

have invested time in him. Therefore,

you've equated that time you've invested

into the investment portfolio thinking

my time is worth a lot. So, I've

invested in him. That means he must be

worth something. Or baby girl, you were

wrong. And you need to fold those

investments and move on quicker as

opposed to wasting more time. He's not

confusing. He's not confused. He's just

not consistent. And he doesn't like you

that much. You know what? Don't be

afraid to say he doesn't like me that

much. It's not going to be at a deficit

to you. He's not going to take anything

away from you. And I know why you're

scared to say it. Because in the case

that he does like you enough and then

you miss out on a good guy and a good

guy on a good guy. Listen, if he likes

you enough and he's a good guy, you're

not going to miss out on him, he's still

going to pursue you. He will. Let's move

on to number five. Number five, choose

embodiment over strategy. Okay.

Attraction isn't built through analysis.

It's felt through energy. Like you

cannot I I did my live speaking

engagement last week, a live podcast,

and it was like, how do I make him like

me? How do I meet the guy? How do I This

is why apps kill vibes, right? And I

hate to sound like a hippie, but it is.

The energy of how he makes you feel and

how you make him feel is not something

that can be scripted or explained or

written down. It just cannot. It just

happens, right? So, you sitting there

being like, "Oh, what should I text him

next is not actually going to move the

needle. If he's not attracted to you in

that way, nothing is going to change.

The energy of I like me and you can come

along or not is super super attractive."

And if you want to work on the

attraction between you and him, what you

need to work on is your unconfidence and

energetic feel. Why are you pulling your

car out behind me when I'm telling women

stuff? Go. I've got a lot of videos on

confidence and how to feel confident in

yourself. Just write my name and the

right confidence. Number six, this is

very important. Build your self-rust

muscle. Build your selfrust muscle.

Selfrust is like a muscle. You got to

work it out and then it becomes

stronger. Okay? If you stop overthinking

about him and start trusting yourself,

that is the path to freedom and actually

being attractive to everyone. What will

happen? Ask yourself that question.

Journal on it and meditate on it. If I

stop centering him and start centering

me and start trusting me and not seeking

his validation, a real glow up starts

relationship-wise, body-wise, looks

wise. When you start believing your own

intuition again, when you start to

believe in your own value again, and you

start to seek your own validation, not

his validation, your own validation.

When can you really pat yourself on the

back and be like, "Yes, I did good. I

love that for me." If you feel confused

about whether he likes you or not, the

answer is no. Outsourcing your sanity to

someone else is just a crazy thing to

do. You need to be consistent and there

for yourself like a constant source of

inspiration and aspiration. You need to

be seeking your own validation. Number

seven, remember what you bring to the

table. You're not begging to be picked.

Please never be begging to be picked by

someone. You not understanding the end

goal is tragic, right? You think that if

you win, you will win his approval and

be forever in love. Amen. You won't.

What you will find is that you will have

to always be proving yourself to someone

who didn't really want you. It's like

you're trying to sell a car that

somebody didn't want to someone who

didn't want the car, right? As opposed

to selling their dream car, which you

wouldn't even have to sell because it's

a dream car. You could be like, "Get on

the wait list." If it was a dream car,

right? But you're selling them something

that they did not want, trying to

convince them. You're trying to say that

you're worth it when he should know

that. Like life gets hard enough. Okay.

You need to list out your standards,

your values and traits and desires and

everything about you that makes you the

person that you are and start seeing

your own traits as interesting,

valuable, commoditable as opposed to his

because you're focusing so much on him.

He should be anxious about losing you.

That's the reality. And you you right

now don't see him as human and as

fallible and as somebody who could be

scared of losing you. But he is human

and as soon as you see your value, he

will be scared of losing you. You are

not asking to be chosen. You are

deciding who is lucky enough to sit at

the table with you. You need to change

the perspective of how you see it.

Number eight, before I go and get my son

from school, we got three more points.

Okay. Claim your mental real estate.

It's very expensive to be running around

in your brain. Okay? Even though you

waste your time and energy on him, it's

not going towards your dream life. Every

second you spend focusing on him is the

every second you get less hot, less

cute, less forward moving, less

desirable to people in the future. Okay?

It's energetic ROI, return of

investment, right? You are spending a

lot of investment on him and it's never

going to return. Where are your thoughts

going? Where is your energy going?

Because as I said, the more you think

about him, the more he'll think about

himself. Fitness, business, what makes

you happy, rituals, friends, goals, like

there are so many things that's going to

make you a whole rounded amazing person.

Put yourself back at the center of your

own story. You have really made him the

main character of the movie. That is

your life. Whatever your name is. Okay,

I want to say Jessica again, but that's

illegal. I cannot say Jessica anymore.

I'm going to go with Patricia. Patricia.

Patricia. Rowanne. Rowan. Okay. Renee.

Renee. You need to put yourself at the

at the center of your story. Jokes

aside, like you only get this go around

on the merrygoround once. It's so

interesting. It's so exciting. You will

never come back looking like you, being

you, being here, being with your family.

Oh my god, everything is so tangible and

beautiful and once in a lifetime. And oh

my god, I never want it to end. Like

honestly, it petrifies me. the fact that

likeh it's just so wonderful and wants

you know and you're putting this guy at

the center of it honestly. Number nine,

practice your detachment girl era. Okay,

calm, confident, and non-performative.

Non-performative is my favorite

adjective. I don't know what the word

is. Grammar of the moment. It's not

fake. It's not icky. It's not

manipulative. is just super grounded

into the wholeness of who you are. You

know what? I think this is my grounded

unbothered era. Like I am not bothered

on performative makeup that has a lot of

chemicals in it and performative food

that has a lot of chemicals in it. I am

grounded and real and so should you be.

Don't chase attract. Just be in your

moment and be really you know what just

like do you know how rare it is to see a

genuine human being these days? People

aren't genuine and you need to just be a

genuine human being and if he doesn't

like you, then let the doornob hit him

where the good Lord split him. Trust

that the universe has something for you

that is amazing and intricate and

beautiful and he will be a shadow in the

past. Number 10, anchor your unbothered

identity.

This is where it becomes permanent.

Okay, detachment isn't a phase, it's a

practice. It's a practice and a power

move that you've got to practice every

day. If you get the unbothered master

class, you've got access to it for two

years. You can download all the

workbooks. You can have all the

information, okay? And you can watch it

again and again. When I knew

that I had to discover my own worth

before I try to like market myself to

anyone, it doesn't work. That is when

something shifted for me. And I really

want that for you. It is your era to

become unbothered. It is your era to

become the main character.

And it's really not about him, baby.

It's about you. You know, it's really

about you. And now, I promised my

Instagram stories to show them all the

clean beauty I got. So, I'm going to go

and do that. Go on stories if you want

to see more from me. And I'll see you in

unbothered. Doors are closing on the 7th

of August. And I hope we can get

unbothered together. Love you lots like

Jod. Bye-bye.

[Music]