How do you know someone is NOT a Narcissist?

How do you know someone is not a

narcissist? As a therapist, one of the

most important parts of diagnosing isn't

always deciding what someone has. It's

being able to rule out what they don't

have. So, when I assess for narcissistic

personality disorder, I'm not just

looking for traits that fit the

criteria. I'm also looking for signs

that tell me that this person does not

qualify for the diagnosis. So, here are

a few indicators I look for when ruling

out narcissistic personality disorder.

Number one, their relationship patterns.

Are their relationships stable overall?

Are they constantly chaotic, filled with

conflict, drama, grudges, and fallouts?

People with NPD usually leave behind a

trail of fractured relationships,

partners, friends, even family members.

So when I see someone who maintains

mostly stable connections, where

disagreements happen, but where healthy

pairs also happen, that's often a strong

sign against NPD. Number two, how they

view others. People with narcissistic

personality disorder tend to see others

through a hierarchy of worth. They view

some people as better and others as

beneath them. Not because of one skill,

but based on status or usefulness. So

when someone sees people as

fundamentally equal, that everyone has

different strengths and weaknesses, but

the same intrinsic value, that's another

sign that narcissism is probably not

present. Number three is a super

important one. It's how they treat

animals. And I don't just mean dogs and

cats. I mean small vulnerable animals

like frogs, rabbits or birds. If someone

shows empathy and affection toward

living creatures that can't give them

anything in return, that often tells me

a lot. However, it can be performative

empathy. So, they need a long track

record of it. But treating animals well

suggests that they can connect

emotionally and feel compassion, which

are qualities rarely seen in someone

with true NPD.