Let Them: The world's best boundary | Mel Robbins #Short

People can only give you what they have

to give. And there's a really

interesting expert that I talked to

recently. His name is Dr. Avlon. And

he's a child psychologist who's been at

Mass General Brighgam for 30 years. And

he said this statement that I will never

forget. He said, "People do well when

they can."

And if somebody is not doing well by

you, it means they're not able to.

they're either lacking some kind of

skill or they're lacking some kind of

experience or they're lacking the

capacity

to do well.

>> And when I heard him say that, it was

such a beautiful thing because I think

we go through life looking at other

people as the source of love and power

and validation and peace in our lives.

And the truth is, you're that source for

yourself.

And when somebody doesn't treat us well,

we immediately think they're evil or

that we're somehow like a loser. What if

you could look at people and just say,

"Let them let them be who they are." And

if they don't treat you with the level

of respect or they don't treat you with

the level of compassion,

let them. But then say, "Let me let me

choose how I'm going to look at this

because I choose to see other people

through a very different lens." If you

don't have friends that invite you out,

it's your responsibility to create a

social life. If you don't have a sister

that calls you back, it's your

responsibility to talk to her about it

and to tell talk to her about the impact

that has on you and to ask for what you

need. And then you got to let them

again.

>> And when they don't ultimately make the

effort, then it comes back to you and

you say, "Well, what do I value?"

If you value family and if you value

relationship connections, you're not

going to rely on other people to be the

one to reach out. You're going to

realize this is a core value of mine and

my life is my responsibility. And so

instead of being upset with my sister,

I'm going to choose to be the one

because sometimes in life, your gift is

that you're the one that's proactive.

Sometimes in life, the fact that you

reach out all the time is the lifeline

that somebody needs. Sometimes you're

going through a period in your life

where you have more capacity and the

people in your life are drowning with a

divorce or child care or caring for

somebody else or a massive issue at work

and they don't have the capacity. People

do well when they can.