Ep. 4: Lessons About Dating In Our 20’s | #BecauseWeSaidSoPod

[Music]

Hey guys, I'm Zama. And I'm Lindsay. And

welcome to Because We Said So.

Another Wednesday, another episode.

Another epic. We are episode 4 in, guys.

Thank you guys so much for watching and

obviously engaging. You guys are so

loyal and I love that. Last week's

episode,

you loved it. It was heavy. I mean, I

hate that so many of us related to it,

but but also it's great that everyone,

well, not everyone, but so many people

related to it cuz it feels like we just

get each other. And I feel like the

comments, someone was like, the comments

feel like therapy and f literally

literally felt like let's b your song in

the comments, which is exactly what we

created this platform for. Father's to

you guys are not good people. I fear son

when we catch our sperm donors. No,

actually for real cuz you guys did a

number on us. You donated that sperm and

left us with trauma. But they said all

the best to y'all. But you know what

guys, we come out victorious on top.

Period. Also, first and foremost,

justice for Olado. We have to talk about

it. Justice for her. On the topic of men

disappointing us. It really is sad that

we're basically living in a femicide in

South Africa and what happened to her. I

don't know. was definitely very heavy

this week, but we have to

obviously talk about it, shine some

light on it. Whatever we can do, if

there's a petition or something, please

let us know. We'll definitely get on it.

But like, yeah, just to tell her, please

be careful, girls. Cuz obviously these

men Yeah. And the thing is, it's not

even a matter of us being careful cuz I

feel like we are so careful. That's the

thing. She was careful. She was careful.

That thing of doing the fine my showing

to your friends. I feel like what can we

really do on top of that? What more do

you want? actually can't do much on top

of that. If a person wants to kword you,

they're just going to kword you and that

is very scary. We need harsher

consequences. We need the government to

take this as seriously as it is

instead busy pushing this whole white

genocide that doesn't exist. Can we

focus on matter exists? People are

actually dying. Not a hypothetical

death. They're actual. So surel if you

ever see this in some crazy world I need

you to do something boy but justice for

and sending love to her family and

friends and her friends. If anyone is

watching this you guys are in our hearts

and honestly you should not have to go

through this. However unfortunately this

is the terrible terrible world that we

live in South Africa that we live in. We

stand with each other guys as ladies we

stand with each other. But otherwise

show me I'm good. Let me think about my

week. How's it

been? It's been

cute. Like with that episode aside, cuz

that was another watching it again.

Trigger again. Again and again. Guys,

please just context whenever we do the

podcast. We have to watch it again.

Again and again. Then we watch it again

when it's live. Like

so when it's a heavy episode like with

the other two episodes, I was like,

"Hey, I was like, I don't want to watch

this every year. triggered gay 15. But

you know what? Shout out for the love,

guys. Yeah, shout out for the love. But

other than that, it's been a good week.

I'm back up kind of slightly. You're

kind of hard for me. Even show me. One

thing about me get never looking like my

problems and stuff. Do you get me? I'm

joking. I've looked like my problems so

much in the past two weeks. It's a lie.

For example, my nails are not done. And

someone in the comments clogged her

said, "Damn, ladies." Real though. Pull

it to my head, son. To my head. Do those

nails, girl. And you, my friend, I'm

good. I The food tried to catch me, but

don't think about me. You You're

fighting that food. What I've been

telling her, she needs to get a flu

shot. No, it tried to catch me like four

times. My flu lost one business day.

This one lasted two. It's It tried to

catch me, but I saidmuction.

But now my immune system, please. That's

what I'm saying. When you need an an

immunization, something's not right.

It's like, damn, this is trying to catch

me.

So, you're not wrong. That's why

it's coat sitting down with a very cozy

episode because winter damn to have my

arms up. We must also team summer

actually. And we need to just make sure

that we can keep the immune system up

just until we get even to spring. My

favorite. We still have to get into June

cuz it's usually which is usually when

it's the coldest. Jimmy, I just want to

skip to this. Can we skip to the good

part?

I'm diverse. But otherwise, Jimmy, I'm

good, man. Like, good week. Good vibes.

It's been a good one. No problem on my

side. Pop culture rewind of the week. We

always have to touch base with where we

picked up from last week. Justin Bieber

again. You're on my podcast. I'm giving

you too much screen time, guys. JB

Joseph disappointed us again. Every day

it's you. We're tired of speaking about

you, JB. Stop. What was happening on

that stage with Caesar? It was at the

Kendrick Lamar concert. Yes. And then

Kendrick brought out Scissor and Justin

Bieber. I'm just worried about him.

Like, is everything okay? It's not like

there's other substances in there. I

don't want to lie to you. Justin doesn't

seem 100%. If we're wrong, sort. But

yes, but things don't look okay. I'm

jaji team that let him go out there. Why

would you guys you can see this person

is falling off the bone. Why on earth on

the stage? Literally was like I'm going

on the stage. Shut up. Oh my goodness.

He probably was. We are scared. I'm

going on that stage. Sorry to you guys.

So imagine being there just through the

camera. I was scared like I was very

scared. I had the egg and he's not my

husband. And I was like, Justin, I'm

worried about him making love to

sister's hand about that. I feel like he

even licked it. The lights are on.

You're on stage. And your wife was She

was actually watching. Kaye was there.

She was there with her camera. She loves

him. Lord, that is crazy. She's going to

sit beside him. I hope he doesn't. But

maybe something deeper is going on

because now we can at least understand

or try to understand why he wrote that

caption. Maybe Cind off. Why did you

write that caption? you. So you're

saying in general I agree but I think

maybe that's what is being done about it

because for example once I saw that

caption as head said baby I will corre

this is what I'm saying so we're not

going to the concert this is what I'm

saying you we we didn't pick up the red

flag from well we did but I'm saying

that whoever was in the team didn't pick

up that would a sane person who loves

this person write this as a caption

exactly I don't think so even if you

didn't like her you supposed to go to

scissor I think we should reconsider

like maybe let's not put him on the

stage and put him in hospital. We always

cooking celebrities teams on here, but

like sorry though, the teams are living

you down. Maybe put us on the teams. I

don't know. Multiple team.

I'm good on that one. Honestly,

but yeah, Justin, we wish you all the

best. And Haley, oh, I saw Haiti um

thingy her business to Al to for 1

billion. You're a billionaire before

your husband. Period. I'm a father.

You're not a billionaire.

Jimmy apparently hasn't been like

claimed a billionaire yet. Really? Damn.

Apparently she's a billionaire first.

Shout out. But you know what?

You guys can

tell that.

Yeah. But for them at least you you can

claim to be the husband of a

billionaire.

You're a billionaire. I guess you

billionaire. But that's amazing. road is

really really like a cultural fun and

they've only been out I think for 3

years so they're doing incredibly well I

think they're doing really well and all

of Africa tried to

I think let's have the real thing please

Haley we're dying for it but I think

they only launched they haven't even

launched in Sephora they're only now

launching in Sephora so us getting her

we're probably going to get her a but

you have a fan base here it's okay we

love you want to

We want to try your things, baby girl.

And then going into the love is blind

world. There's two couples that are

expecting one. Our ogs, our faves,

Lauren

and Yes, guys. Oh my gosh. And they they

they share their fertility journey with

us. So that's why I feel like their

rainbow baby is just so scratched. I

love it for them. Like when I say love

it for them, they're the one couple

where I'm like, "This was meant for

you." Like this show was meant for you

guys. Not saying the others weren't, but

like them. Oh, love them. No, congrats

to them. And then of course Ad and

Ollie, which was why we have to just the

fact that that was so random at first. I

do feel like it was very random, but

love it for them. I just wouldn't have

paired them together. Like if you were

asking me to make a couple with their

personalities, even if they said choose

out of the lovers blind people and make

a couple, they were never going to be

they were never going to cross my mind.

And they actually got together after

Perfect Match, which we've been waiting

for that season for how long now? Can we

see it, please? Netflix, please. They're

even expecting a child. That's actually

insane. Like, do you guys want to drop

it or not? Speed up the editing. I don't

know what's happening. Those people are

are moving. You guys are staying by. I

must say they they felt pretty pretty

quickly. They did. Shame. But yeah,

good. And I feel like when you when

you're at if you know, you know.

Exactly. If you know, you know. And I

feel like when you're at a certain stage

in your life, you're probably just like,

you know what? What are we waiting for?

I love him. So, why not waiting for

Exactly. Oh, like once it gets serious

for me, what are we waiting for?

No, they're pumping. We waiting for a

lot. A lot. There's a lot that we

waiting for. Won't even hold it. Oh my

god, I'm so dead. Right. Just a waiting

game. No, but I I hear you on the fact

that exale exhale. Exale. But once I get

meet the love of my life, kids

immediately soon. Very soon. Z and I

were at the bank and we were the cutest

baby. Zama was like, I want to baby. I

want a child. I want to be an aunt. I

want my eggs cracked. Zama's husband

literally come sweetie. I'm ready when

you are. Congrats have his blood. I'm

Gab.

The thing is you are Gavin. I'm such a

liar. Such a liar. But like we still

welcome you. We welcome you but don't

think you're having kids in the next in

the next three or five. You're going to

delay. Maybe in the next five. Delay him

arriving. That baby. Stay where you are

in heaven. We'll see you soon though.

That is so fair. We're going to collect

you later. Congrats to the lovers blind

couples though. Also, people were saying

that um AD coming out with her. I don't

think this is true, but they were saying

cuz you know, literally the week before

they were literally lighting that behind

up after the whole Ashley and Tyler

situation. So, they were like,

"Beautiful distraction, baby, because we

are in fact distracted. You ate with

that one." It's a whole pregnancy

announcement. So, I can't be like, "In

fact, never mind. We're going to eat.

We're going to just be happy for you."

And you know what? She kind of ate that.

You ate that. I think maybe she was

maybe gonna announce later. Later. But

then she thought you guys are cooking

me. You guys are cooking me. So I'm

gonna need that that love back. Yeah, I

need the love cuz we all love AD.

Honestly, like we all but in the context

of that season, but I don't know if it

was on purpose. What? We say announce

Kush was getting cooked. Who knows? So

we will never know the truth now, will

we? You ate that. Congrats to you. Yeah,

if you didn't, you ate it. Be a cute

little baby. I can't wait to see your

beautiful kids. Although

Ali maybe to her he's a good man instead

of him. And you know what? True. I don't

know him in real life. So maybe church

is another woman's trash. Facts. You

know, maybe we don't know him in real

life. But if I believe in that thing.

Yeah. What it is though? Like it's the

truth. It's a fact. You know what?

I won't even ask what you wanted to say.

I won't even You know what? Let me keep

my mouth your mouth shut right now

before I kill my It's the actual truth.

And while we're speaking about one man's

treasure, what is it? One man's treasure

is another man's treasure. I was going

to say truth. Whatever. Let's go on to

the topic of the

week. Guys, the topic of this week,

today we are going to be talking about

dating in our early 20ies versus dating.

Now, I can't believe we're in our late

20s. That's scary.

Oh, that's crazy. The fact that we at

the age where we can make those

comparisons guys

like insane we can compare the two and

we can compare it and we should compare

it because like literally we've

experienced everything. Why the hell are

we in our late 20s? God damn. like I

look young but next thing someone's

going to call it I look young ZX old

babe speaking about myself then someone

in the comments is going to be like you

look 28 and that's me and that's fine

cuz we are at the

end though I'm 27 actually oh yes cuz

she's 27 anyways yeah actually guys a

good good thing to start off with how

old we actually are speculate we're

telling you now how old we are so first

things us Choby when you how do you how

did you view dating like when you were

younger and how do you feel like you

view it now like just in gy like just a

quick midnight snack when I was young

dating was definitely just vibes like

definitely vibes I wasn't dating to do

any selfdevelopment I was I was dating

cuz you're hard I don't care if you have

money or not you're a DJ let's go like I

actually I didn't care as long as you

were hard and I was having a good time

never thought anything about which is

probably why I was dribbled. But that's

fine. Like that's how you you live.

That's probably why I was dribbled.

Dating before dating. I was just doing

it. Sure. But also fair. We were young.

Like what the heck? When we weren't

thinking about marriage and stuff.

Absolutely not. Like not even kids. It

was But like dating back then was more

fun for me. But like obviously that's

how you learn. I think early 20s dating

was more learning like okay this is my

type, this is not my type. like more on

a superficial level. Nothing was too

deep deep. Yeah. Older 20s when you

transition when that frontal loss even

even actually like if you in like when

you were in high school were you dating

in high school or did you not? No. So

how even even add that in cuz I know I

feel like that lays lays the foundation

foundation. We need to know where do we

come from? Dating in high school. Maybe

I was dating in

primary. I'm such a jolly girl. Jimmy

and I have of the game. She loves this

game. Maybe that's why I don't date that

much now. I finished all my dating ammo.

I was young. I was dating since primary.

Literally. Do you know how lyrics? Do

you know there was a time in primary?

Let me tell you, there was a time in

primary I was in grade six. I was dating

this white guy, Luke. Luke, if you're

watching this, shout out. Okay. Exactly.

You never know what I mean. He likes

them black chocolate. So then there was

a girl in class who was like my friend

kind of like she was like white tea and

she told me she has a crush on Luke and

I said let's date Luke and we both dated

him together. Yes. Show me. And we dated

Luke. Then at the cupcake sale he was

buying us cupcakes. Show me

how my

age is primary but like

primary high school. Oh, high school. I

My first relationship was grade eight.

He was a grade nine and I was new and I

thought he was so hard for me. I was

like, I have to do this. I love him.

Truly. And he dribbled me. It is what?

He literally came to me during break. We

used to have um these U parties. Oh yes,

I know you parties. So he went to a you

party that weekend or whatever. He

cheated on you. Monday it's called I'd

heard a little something Monday. I got

confronted. He was like, "Yeah, I did. I

did that [ __ ] So, let's break up with

it." He said, "So, because I said that

[ __ ] so let's break up real." He said,

"I don't want to make you do this."

Broke up with me second on first break

on the field. Damn. He was kind of

strict. That's so fair. Yeah. Then after

that, I think I only dated like one

other person. Seriously. Other other

than that, it was literally vibes. The

other person I did dribbled me to he was

a metric even worse. I was a popular

girl. He was a popular guy. with that

typical Barbie and K. I literally didn't

do any dating and I like really cuz I

was I feel like cuz I was at the same

girl school from when I was like

incepted

until MRE I dating was honestly the last

thing on my mind. And I also think and I

also

and I also think it's cuz I feel like in

high I didn't peak in high school like I

didn't peak in primary school high

school. I think I peaked in like varsity

after that. So, I feel like I just

wasn't interested in the male gays.

That's so I just felt like I was in my

ugly duckling era. So, I thought, you

know what? When I get to varsity, I'm

going to do a real thing proper. And I

did. And you did. I mean, I think No,

but actually, did I even did I do a real

thing proper? I did a medium thing

proper. I feel like the first couple of

years after I left school, that is when

I did my biggest one. I did my hugest

one. I feel like also dating in Cape

Town like cuz I was surrounded by

whities like the whole time. I feel like

there wasn't really I I didn't have much

desire for the people there.

But when I came to Jose Vegas, baby.

Oh my god.

Josie Berg. Yes. I won't lie. I think

that is a factor because me Durban back

in the day the boys were hot. But I talk

I talk about all the time. The Durban

[ __ ] were hard. So, in high school, I

was dating for my life, but also I I

would say I peaked cuz I was the

typical, not that I'm ging myself, I was

the typical pretty girl, popular,

everyone wanted me, that type of thing.

So, it was like easy peasy, lemon, lemon

square, let's go. I hear you. Then

varsity I feel like because I didn't

really know anyone in Joberg. I didn't

really date till I started like

gradually just started dating the wrong

guys and batch of [ __ ] wrong batch of

[ __ ] guys. There's something like you

know that say where people are like

don't be with Jabila comes to Jerber and

like just see the big I swear like I

don't want to say that was me but I feel

like in the dating scene I was like guys

like the men in Johannesburg if I'm

comparing it now to Cape Town with it

was just like oil and water like

diabolically sensational. Do you get me?

Like like from looks to like everything

it doesn't compare. There's just even

when I when I went to vast and obviously

like you got to interact with people

from different places. Anytime I'd

interact with like I wasn't interacting

with Cape Town men like at all. I was

like get away from it like immediately.

I think that's I want the [ __ ] from

overseas.

It's the out of town [ __ ] is the se

value of the sun. I want something else

cuz also you don't want to stay in what

you know. You want to experience new

things. Agreed. When you come from a

different city, like you come from Cape

Town, I came from I'm Durban. When you

come to Joberg, all these men are

untouched to me. All these men are

strangers. Like cuz when I my friends

that are from Jober at the time would be

like, h so and so is this, so and so is

this. I'm like, stranger. Exactly. You

don't have any context. Which is

actually um it's a good and a bad thing

because

obviously like you don't have any

context on these people. So you'll just

like date them, get to know them.

Everyone else is looking at you like you

are sick. What are you doing?

Everyone's looking at you like you're

crazy. Do you know that? I can't believe

you've decided to say. And even for us,

like we obviously met later on, not

ours, not our late 20s, but later on.

And even we would like be talking about

people just like situations we've been

with and like would be like, damn,

that's so crazy. And it's like, baby, I

had no contact. I didn't have contact. I

was going in black. I was just in a joke

dating. So I was just working with what

I had which was my know my non-existent

knowledge just trying to figure it out.

Zero regrets out loud to you. I don't

out of ball 20s. Zero regrets though.

Regrets were in the room with us. But

maybe you no regrets are in the room

with me. But I wanted to ask also what

would you say um was your type back

then? Is it the same your type now? Is

it the same your type now? What

for me? I don't know what I'm saying.

You guys hear me? What's your type now?

Does you guys get me though? I'm sorry.

Safe space.

Um, I need to think about this one. My

type, early 20s, was always the typical

pretty boy, the guy that everybody

wants. Tattoos, tall, scrummish in the

face.

Those of you who, if anyone knows who

I've been with in the past, you know I'm

not lying.

But I feel like late 20s it's I've been

less strict when it comes to that. I

still would prefer a good-looking person

obviously, but like I'm not as like

65 blue eyes. No, like now I'm more it

matters what's on the inside. But it's

the soul that needs a surgery. The soul.

But obviously I don't stray too far away

from it. Not too far. But like I'm more

like you know what? Let's see what try

20s like I was like get away from me.

I'm the same though because I but

actually I'm trying to think when I was

in varsity because I really wasn't I

really wasn't dating in high school but

in varsity I was the same in terms of I

wanted someone who looks good someone

with a little muscle. I love a good

muscle. I love a good bicep

bicep. I was not even I really wasn't

interested in people's personalities.

That's why I know for a fact that I

really wasn't dating for anything

longterm. I was dating for the fun of

the game, for the love of the game.

Because when I look back, I'm like, if I

was choosing based on personality, none

of you [ __ ] would have made the cut.

Exactly. Like, I was doing it based off

of just, oh, I like this guy. Give me

attention. Let's do something. Let's see

something now. Oh, wow. Stress is kind

of extensive. But when it comes to

looks, I don't feel like I'm as like

obsessed with looks as I was when I was

younger. I can streng For me, I always

say like I just need my person to be hot

to me. Whether you think he's ugly or

not, I don't care. I think he's

delicious. Not a conventional beauty is

like you just need to be cutie. In terms

of personality, I feel like I'm such a

loud girl. So, I need to answer that for

you. Tommy, I love me a quiet a man who

says nothing. I can say enough for the

both of us. I promise you, I've got

enough to say. So I feel like that's

also why I think now compared to my

younger days I'm less open to dating men

who are in the industry because

oh yeah okay and big huge personality

and I love that for guys to be my friend

although I don't even like friendships

but I'm saying like I would prefer that

type of personality in a friendship

whereas in a partner close that mouth

like immediately real to me I don't I

don't want to hear a pip squeak come out

of that mouth like I thought about it

the other day I don't If I like quiet, I

don't like loud, but like someone who

Yes, I like charismatic men because I'm

very charismatic. So, I like a man where

we both banter. We both can speak to

people. The perfect way I usually put it

to like when I tell people is I like a

chameleon. Someone who can fit. Why did

I hear comedian? I was like,

no thanks. And she know

I like chameleons. Like a man that can

fit in any space.

Whether we like it or not is a different

story. Whether

we can fit in anywhere. So I like a

partner and it's like the same. So I

don't like mute per se, but like say

something but don't be that guy that's

hovering over the table. See, my problem

is that with Jobbook men, it's either

you are well, what I've, let me not say

it's either for everyone, but I've

noticed a lot of the time, the man who's

charismatic is just loud and it's like,

close that mouth. Loud as hell. So,

that's I think where I'm also coming

from. Obviously, like you can speak, I'm

being dramatic, but like in hushed

tones. I really do feel like even in

situations if we get into a social

situation, I can talk enough. I really

can. Enough for the both of You don't

actually have to say you can say

something here and there but like you

don't have to be the large cuz I feel

like my personality is large and in

charge we're yappers literally. So like

as my man don't have and like whenever

Zam and I are out somewhere and maybe we

meet people or whatever and there's just

that one girl who's talking trust me Z

and I are nudging each other like oh my

god. Can you keep quiet when the bottles

are the bottles are here and here? Okay,

mind you, you're not the one paying.

Exactly. The one who's paying is quiet.

It's quiet, but the one without paying,

the voice is the loudest in the room.

Oh, but J. Oh my goodness. That is so

true. That is so true. For me, for me,

what do you prefer in dating now than in

your early 20s? Prefer now? Oh, there's

a lot for me qualities. I just feel like

for now while I'm dating, a lot of

people always say like, don't date for

marriage. I feel like I'm too old to say

that. Um, not to say that I'm dating

like everyone from the first date is an

audition for my marriage. No, but I feel

like just I feel like people who say

dating for marriage is just like dating

more intentionally. Looking for specific

characteristics for me if I go on a

first date with someone of which guys

getting me on a first date is a very

tough job. I can't stand dating. Cannot

stand. I literally hated them. Like if

someone did with you, just know

you something. I don't even like dating

strangers. is like I prefer to date

people not like like com what am I

saying I don't like to date people who

are complete strangers rather yes I

would like I like to I normally tend to

date people that are referred to me by

someone else or I meet you in a social

setting where my friends there and

you're a friend of a friend of a friend

of that is better for me but like when I

go on a first date if I ask you my like

basic questions like things like uh

spirituality things like what is your

fiveyear plan do you have kids I'm going

to ask you all that on the first date

and if the questions are not aligning,

you're never seeing me again, baby.

Literally, goodbye. And that's no hate

and no like judgment. Happy for you.

Love you. Love your life. But I think

for me right now, I don't waste my time.

Like if I know from the first get go

that you're not my man. I'm not going to

I I don't like doing things for the sake

of dating because I actually don't This

is going to sound like insane, but I

don't enjoy like male company that much.

I get that. Do you get what I'm saying?

It's exhausting. Yeah, dating is

exhausting. I don't enjoy it for just

Yeah. I don't I don't enjoy it enough to

just do it just for the sake of dating.

And I know like people always say like,

"Yeah, just date. I get to know what you

like and what you don't like." But like

if I realize on the first date I don't

like something even if I realize while

we're still chatting that like no you

too much or having toxic masculinity,

I'm running away from you. I'm not going

to give you the benefit of the doubt

unfortunately cuz I'm wasting everyone's

time. I agree. The minute I see a

loophole or a red flag or anything that

I don't like, I think let's wrap it up

right now. For example, respectfully.

No, respectfully. First of all, recently

actually, and you know this,

I'm so scared. What are you going to say

now? No, I want to touch on something. I

am I've I've always been team shoots,

right? I've always been team shoots. And

that's where we differ, guys. If I see

something I like, I'm getting it, right?

But I realized recently that the only

reason it worked out for me in my early

20s dating is because it was a different

time then. The reason why it doesn't

work now is because dating now is

different. Let me land. When I was

approaching men in my early 20s or like

back then, whatever. I feel like then

men were more they courted more and they

were more like send you flowers. So when

I shoot my shots, I'm basically saying,

"Hey, I'm interested in you. You take it

from there. And they usually would. Most

of the shots I've shot, they've landed.

If not all. I don't want to lie to you.

Don't want to c. Yeah.

Yeah. And stuff. It lands. Shoot and

stuff. So now recently, I shot my shot

at someone, right? And I remember was

like, I can't believe you still do this

cuz I haven't shot my shot in like two

years. One year I was dating. Damn.

Period. Queen. So for the past two

years, I was out of it obviously. So now

I was like hm let me let me tint it to

myself and let me try something short by

shot guys couldn't know and someone was

like damn you still do this for me I

have to try myself out and see if it's

still period queen guys the men now want

to be chased they're girls so shooting

your shot doesn't work I want to tell

you now as someone who strongly believed

in shooting your shots don't do it in

this day and age because it blurs the

lines now when I shot my shots it was

almost like now I have to take the

keep it going. Like since you said

the thing is maybe like actually that

doesn't work. I was going to say maybe

it's just like the guys who are just

older than us where I'm thinking you

guys were at the same age when we were 5

years ago you guys were at that. So no

like the problem here is just that I

feel like now cuz you think you you're a

little cute. You think you're up you

think you up in I must go you up there

and won't be there. I want to tell you

guys it ended two weeks later.

Guys, this is why I haven't shot my shot

like ever in general. I just don't I

will never give you the chance firstly

to do that. Secondly, and to be fair, I

only now only actually thought of that

blowing the lines thing now when we're

having the conversation about it. But

like I feel like maybe subconsciously it

was also in my mind, but like I only was

like actually maybe that's also another

reason why I just don't want you to feel

like I came after you there. You're

supposed to come after me. You supposed

to chase me. cuz yeah I feel like they

become lazy and oh show me pull up

yourselves case in points like I was

like for the first time I fully

understood why you don't shoot your shot

before I was like cuz it's always worked

out for me shout out thank god I was

like why what's so bad about it but now

I was like oh sweetie you'll never see

me approach lazy again they're very lazy

very complacent we can't be just texting

for 3 weeks there's no one's initiating

a date no one's asking what what's your

favorite rose what's your favorite I

mean what's your favorite flower That

should happen like very immediately like

immediately to me at least a bouquet of

flowers two weeks in and again those two

things should have happened at that

point. If it's not happening you still

want me to ask for those things. Sorry

baby. Impossible. Literally impossible.

So like I think that's the biggest

difference I've seen in dating now

versus back then. The men

now and I can't do it. But they say

though in a relationship but I feel like

in a relationship. Yes. In a

relationship. True. in a relationship

and I feel like even then there needs to

be a tug and pull from both sides.

There's no way I'm the one tugging a

man. I'm the one. The saying is he who

finds a wife finds a good thing. Not she

who finds a husband finds a husband.

I've never seen that thing in the Bible.

So since you're supposed to find me even

in dating that's how it works. A man is

supposed to coach you. And it goes back

to which I wanted to ask you about. How

do you feel about this thing that men

think they're the prize right? Oh, to be

honest, you know what? I'm going to keep

it a stakiolis because if you're looking

at a specific bracket of men, that top

1% that everyone wants, the guy who's

successful, who has his [ __ ] together,

he doesn't have kids, unlike he treats

his family well, he treats his he's

good. He's in the 1% of men, even

probably less than that. Cuz I'm talking

about now the 1% is the one that have

money. So the ones that are good people

and have good characters and are

spiritual men, they're even a lesser

percentage. So now if we're looking at

the ratio of those men to good women,

unfortunately men become the prize

because what they are spoiled for choice

and we have what about two men to choose

from. So for them very easy for them to

date you, cheat on you. Oh, you're so

mad. I'm going to date the next girl.

I'm going to They obviously then they

don't have the characteristics that I'm

talking about. But you guys get what I'm

trying to say. the man that you would

want. There's not a lot of them. The

guys that are have all those

characteristics, the ones that if we're

being honest, we're not all going to

date them, unfortunately, because

unfortunately there's just not enough of

them. Black men specifically. So, I feel

like that is why a lot of the time the

girls will start to move like the men

are the prize and hate that for us

because we are the prize. But I feel

like because there is such a discrepancy

with the number of good men to women,

they end up being the prize. I was going

to say I feel like because of the

numbers thing, sure. However, the the

the the reasons why men think they're

the prize are wrong because we've had

this conversation with a group of men

once where the reason their reasons for

thinking they're the prize were reasons

such as they were like, I have a good

job. I have a house. I have a car. I'm

successful. I'm What did they say? I'm a

well. What did they say? A high value

man. And the high value women, he's

saying that to meet someone at his where

he's at. Yes. Yes. Yes. So, it's like

cuz I have all these things that makes

me the prize, whatever, or high value

man, whatever. I'm like, okay. But then

all the things that you've listed, women

can have the exact same things. I can

have a car. I can have a house. I can be

smart. I can be I work out, healthy,

successful, all these things, all the

things you've just listed. I could be

the same things. So then, doesn't that

make me the prize, too? Is everyone then

a prize? You are the prize. But even the

the guy in question is not going to date

someone like you. He's going to date

someone who feels like he's the prize.

1,000%. But Jimmy, what I'm trying to

basically explain is say the reasons men

think they're the prize. Women have it.

Valid reasons. Because it's reasons

women have those things. So that doesn't

make you a prize cuz it's not if we

define a prize, right? A prize means

it's above something else. Everyone

wants it. Yes, everyone wants it because

there's something special about it.

Actually, that's a perfect way to put

it. There's something special about it.

But if the things you've listed to me

sound like me, then we're both special.

So then there's no prize in that sense.

Which is why I think I was saying a

prize to me is like a man who the

emotional intelligence he's actively

worked on it because men don't take the

time to work on those things the same

way we take the time to work on those

things. A man who not only says it's

God-fearing but also practices it

because I've dated men where they say

they're God-fearing. You do all these

things but your life

doesn't you commit adultery for example

you're a cheater that cheats in the

world but you say you're a godfearing

man you go to church all these things

then why do you commit adultery for

example so those are the things that I

look for yes money and things like that

are great but that's not what makes you

a prize to me to me that's like the

bonus of like I want a partner who is

successful and makes money but that

doesn't make you a prize because I'm

going to be successful and I'm going to

make money 100% % but I feel like the

way that they look at it is that they're

putting it at the men make money and

that stuff their personality that's the

problem and so that's why also those

things for them when they even think

about the the word prize they think

about but I've got money I've got that's

even why like men a lot of the times are

just getting money whatever just to get

a certain type of girl or or piece

certain type of that's the only reason

so for them that's why they don't try to

when they're trying to get to know you

they want to flash stuff and to confuse

you from the fact that there is no

emotional intelligence there There's no

like inner work that has been done. You

haven't healed from your relationship

that you were in when you were 17. All

those things haven't happened. You

haven't done the work. So for you, the

only thing that you're thinking about

being the prize is that monetary value.

And to be fair, it is something that we

must let me not just say money, but

success as a man. The things that

however you as a person or as a woman

quantify it, unfortunately like if you

are looking for a successful man and a

I'm going to say a high value man and

I'm including the characteristics here.

Yes. But they need because a lot of them

will have the money and this and that

but however they don't have the

characteristics all those things. So at

that point again they would those men

probably wouldn't consider themselves a

prize but if we're looking at the

context of what we're saying yeah they

are the prize because there's not going

to be a lot of them. Most of those guys

are not good people and that's what

raised the the the I feel like what

you're saying is the reason the prize

conversation came up in the first place.

But I think it got lost in the sauce and

then men started being like we are the

rise and it's like that's not what we

meant. The ego that's come into it is

where the danger comes in because I feel

like oh my gosh you're a boy. Like

relax. You're literally a boy. You're

literally a guy and you forunately I

will never see you as a prize. It'll

never But in a relationship it shouldn't

be like that. You shouldn't be with

someone who you don't feel like is

surprised. Even as a man, you shouldn't

be with a woman who you do not see as a

prize. You should feel that your woman

is pride. She's She's the hottest bread.

Yes. Yes. You think she's attractive

inside and out? Inside and out. Exactly.

So that's what we need to start basing

these things off of. Like let's be so

guys for real. Okay. Show me I'm going

to bring this to a little bit more of

like a the spicy side. when you feel

like you were in your earlier 20ies to

now in terms of your sexuality, how did

you kind of view it and how were you

moving through

through your life with that move your

life with that early 20s?

Early 20s um without obviously being TM

but early 20s I was definitely just

living my best life. M

um I didn't really think much about like

what does what will it make me look like

or I was just like if I'm attracted to

you and there's a vibe going and it ends

up getting there good and well let's do

it you know what I mean so early 20s was

definitely the experimental phase if I

can say figuring out what I like what I

don't like what is this now what is it

don't like that don't do that keep doing

that that's what early 20s

And then definitely more strict like way

way way way more strict things like

celibacy for example and also even in

when I decide to get to that point with

someone it takes a while for me to get

to that point I have to go through

certain steps that I've set in my head

of like okay I like this I like this

he's done this he's done this he's

ticked this tic this then we can

transition to that at this stage of my

life I'm not there's no casual little

things happening. No, no, no, no. So,

those are the differences on my side.

That's fair. Me for when I was in my

earlier 20s, I feel like cuz I was I

just started doing things, frying chips

a bit late. I feel like Yeah, we both

can can agree with each other in that

part. I was very experimental in my

early 20ies, like very experimental,

just trying to see what's out there and

kind of just feeling myself out. That's

lowkey why I say like regrets because I

just wish that like I didn't make some

of the the decisions that I made in my

It's not like that deep. I will live

with them. I will survive through this.

But it's just like I feel like I wish I

had a little bit more like boundaries. I

wish I had more boundaries when I was

younger because I feel like I was just

at the time though, if I'm being honest,

I did feel very liberated in my

sexuality. I feel like I was having fun.

I was doing what I do. But then like

when my frontal lobe developed, I was

like, "Girl, oh my god." Of course

though, like when the frontal lobe

develops, what you were doing in your

early 20s? Yes. I was very like scared

of myself. Yeah. And I was just like,

"Girl, what do you think was happening?"

Do you know what I'm saying? But I feel

like now I'm at a place where and I also

feel like me getting into a relationship

really helped me just like give me time

to rethink. Okay, you know what? How do

I even if I'm in stay in this

relationship going forward even if this

relationship ends how do I want to move

forward in my relationships going

forward um what type of standards and

boundaries am I standing for am I having

for myself now and being very strict

about like even if this relationship

ends I need to stand on business about

myself so even that like there's no I

don't do anything casual anymore that's

even gone back to now why the dating and

stuff like taking me on a date if

there's if I don't see anything coming

out of it, it's just a waste of my time

because really and truly like what are

we doing? Yeah. So, yeah, all those

things like just being very very

meticulous about the type of energy that

I allow into my space, my home, my aura,

everything like my soul. I I want to go

back to the frontal lobe thing. I think

that's really just what it is. Like how

we were moving in our early 20s is all

we knew. It's all that felt right at the

time. I guess that's why I say I don't

regret it cuz I'm like I'm glad I did it

to know like it was fun. It was great. I

will never do it again though because

these are the things I took from it.

These are the I took from it. These are

the lessons I took from it. Let's keep

it moving. Now in my 20s I know better.

If you do that [ __ ] you're not serious.

But that's what I'm saying. Like for me,

if someone were to ask me for advice, my

advice to a young person wouldn't be

like, "Oh my word, just explore." I

would say do that, but I would still use

my experiences to be as a cautionary.

Not like guys, it wasn't that bad. And I

feel like I'm making it sound terrible.

It's not even bad. What were you doing?

But

but I'm saying like I would definitely

um advise a young person to kind of just

be be strict about your body, right? Be

strict about who you share yourself with

in any capacity. Like be very strict

about the energy you let into your life.

Be strict about yourself. Like you must

stay safe. Stay safe. You know what I

mean? Wrap it up. Wrap that thing up.

Exactly. has a lot of experiment. All

that experimenting you do, whatever you

decide to do, wrap that thing up cuz you

don't guys don't have kids. Please, when

you're young unnecessarily, please don't

do things

like don't. But yeah, I would just I

wouldn't advise the next person to kind

of live. Look, I would experiment within

boundaries like be boundaried about what

you're doing. Know what you're doing. Be

cognizant about everything that you're

doing. Think about things before you do

them. I was a very spontaneous. I used

to just on a whim. Do you think I had

any tags? I was like,

let's go. And that's why it's like

[ __ ] is not the only thing I got. It's

really not like and even in the early

20s sometimes like maybe like their legs

here a week later. I'd be like that is

kind of insane. You see my point though?

That's what I'm havinging. That's what

I'm having now. It's like that post

clarity. Okay, speaking of, let's play a

little cutsy cutie game. Okay. Right.

So, we're going to play a little game,

guys. I'm introducing something fresh on

the podcast. So, you seem so nervous.

So, I want to play a game

where if you had to describe your exes

or guys you've been with or maybe a

future suitor using brands, like brand

names, what would they be? A future sua.

Even the future Yeah. Anything you want

it to be, you can go first. any brand.

Let me first think of my exes though

because I feel like they deserve the I'm

joking. I only have one. I was about to

say love you guys down but literally

don't only have one for now. Um same

though. In fact, I don't have any

anymore. I actually have now the one I

had is Thomas anymore.

Um they played this game on that uncut.

Oh yes. The uncut card. That's actually

where I got the idea from. Yes. Yes.

Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. My first brand is

going to be my first brand is going to

be Escom.

I'm choosing Escom

because once upon a time was a light in

my life but then after that load

shedding in my life but other than

that thing you're enjoying that light

watching TV. It was nice.

Straight up.

Mine would be and of course it's on top

of my head cuz love them. Mine would be

Zie. Okay. Period. But this is to

describe my future sua. Okay. Zuzie

because Zuzi is reliable. Gazi delivers

in minutes. I want a man that's honored.

Period. A reliable man. He's available

around the clock. He's always on. Baby,

I've come back from the cup at 2:00 a.m.

I want to see you. He's giving that whip

and he's coming straight to doing your

real thing. He might bring me a little

glass of wine. He might bring me a

little something, a little snack, a

little something. I wonder a little

something

at any time of the day. For me, I like a

little I like a reliable man. Okay.

Period. On business. And one thing about

Zyza, even at close to midnight, if you

need that that bottle of wine, Nika, you

can be at 12 and you're like, I actually

want another bottle. I actually love

this one. He will be there for you even

go. So future be era that era. Okay, let

me

uh something. Okay. Okay. Okay. My next

one is going to be deonz pizza.

Why? Because he had something mean.

He has something mean.

We love a little something. I have

literally no one specific in mind. So no

one take this. This is not for you. It's

a future

su like something mey.

Do you want to my past life? Do you want

to be me? Not now. Please God for that

is a threat. You have something.

He has something meaty. I don't want to

be me. Have something. I I don't want to

have I don't want to be something messy.

You know, it's we like it's me. You hate

that. Peachy 18. Oh my gosh. Mine My

other one would

be Cadbury. Okay.

I like them chocolate brown. I like the

chocolate so so sweet. How does it

taste? How does it taste so sweet? I

like him so sweet. I like a good taste.

Okay. Period. You know, top deck. We

can. Yeah. Yeah. Dark chocolate and a

white chocolate on top. White chocolate.

You look duck.

Toby, let's be in a Cbury era again. I'm

so dead. Puerto Rican and a dark

chocolate and it's me. She's a Puerto

Rican question. Mind you, there's a guy

in the garage once who was like, "Yo,

this see I had blonde braids." He was

like, "Well, my braids. I going to be

Puerto Rican." Yeah, she's Puerto Rican,

guys. So, I am I'm the Puerto Rican top

on the deck. Latino. What's your next

one? Um,

okay. This one is kind of sad for

me. My next one is going to be Batu. If

you know that sneaker brand because he

walked out of my

life. He walked out of my life. He wore

that Batu and he kept moving. He said,

"You know what? I'm putting on those

shoes and I'm walking out." But he never

buy a man's shoes because he'll walk out

of your life. I'm taking it on board.

I'm taking it on board. We got to take

those notes, too. Taking it on board,

guys. Never buy a [ __ ] sneakers ever

again. Jimmy, he walked out, but you

know,

well, did he walk out? Jimmy, he walked

out. What do you mean fair and I'm not

talking about my ex? I'm not fair.

Yeah. Yeah. But

yeah, this would be my last one. Okay.

after this is fried. No, literally. My

last one would

be, you know what? I've been seeing the

naked signs everywhere. The naked

insurance company. Okay. Okay. Okay.

Okay. I think that goes without saying.

Oh. Oh. And I was PG-18. She's PG30

right now. Naked insurance because naked

insurance. Why? Explain. We want to know

exactly the same. Why is this naked? Oh

my gosh. Insurance. But anyway, actually

to wrap up this topic, I wanted to ask

what do you feel like you have taken or

you took away from your last

relationship relationships in your

20ies? Like what do you feel like you're

taking out and you're you're bringing

them with you into the woman you want to

be? That's to do with everything.

Whether it is the emotional, the chips

frying. I feel like we're allowed to say

sex. I don't know why I'm calling it

frying. They're frying the chips. I just

love that metaphor so much.

I love it. But yeah, all of those things

like what do you feel like you learned

that you like that you didn't like that

you'd like to take into the women the

lands that you will be as we walk into

our 30s and late 20s? Hey, for me in our

30s are not far. Um I would

say specifically in my most recent

relationship cuz I'd say in my late 20s

that's my last serious relationship and

then before that it was early 20s. So

I'll divide the two. In my last one, I

would say what I definitely learned

is one, I have a lot of work to do in

terms of what is required in terms of

being a wife.

Um, I realized that I actually don't

know what that takes, which is what we

spoke about last week. But just to

specify, it's just like things like at

the end of the day, it takes two,

there's two of you, and you have to

sacrifice to accommodate your partner.

to um you're not just thinking for

yourself. So like when you guys are

together, you have to remember when I'm

hungry, he's also hungry. So you got to

cook for both of us. For example, just

stupid example, I had to learn to think

outside of myself and think for two

people. Um which is something I

struggled with. Um also prioritizing. I

sucked at that and my last relationship

made that stick out like it's so dumb.

like to learn how to prioritize and not

be complacent. Um, be on top of things.

And then in terms of sexual things, I'd

say to be more vocal about what you

like. I used to be very accommodative.

Um, but I learned be vocal. Say what you

like. What's going to happen? He's not

going to say no. And I feel like that

does come with age cuz I feel like you

get as you grow older, you get more

confident. So in those situations,

you're like actually period kid. This is

what I want. I'm so scared. But when

you're old, you're like and I see what I

like. It makes sense though cuz at the

end of the day, you're young. Like what

are you actually supposed to know?

Exactly. But when you're older, also I

think you've learned your body more. So

it's easier for you to be like, "This is

what I like. I'd like us to do this.

This is this." So I was more vocal in

that sense and more liberated and not so

nervous and scared and so in my shell.

And then also spiritually I was like you

say you want to date a god-fearing man

but like when it's happening you have to

be intentional about it. You both have

to be on the same page cuz even in that

there's still discrepancies because we

may both be God-fearing going to church

but like we are on different wavelengths

when it comes to that. So I learned that

you have to communicate that so we both

on the same page and we both you know

because ideally we're going to have kids

one day. So we would like to raise the

child under the same spiritual regime.

So we kind of have to the people who

don't want to do that like that's really

interesting to me. I don't know how they

do it like especially those

relationships. So one is Muslim, one's

Christian. I'd love to know how. But for

me I guess preference for me I'd like us

to be on the same page. But those are

the things I'd think about top of my

head. Yeah. That I've taken that I'd

like to take moving forward to your next

relationship. Into my next relationship.

That is a clean list. I won't even hold

you of of lessons and things that you're

going to

take. And one thing about life though

and dating, you will learn a lot about

yourself. For me, I'll say my biggest

one is um to not compromise on the

things that you want. I feel like that's

what I really learned out of my last

relationship. And I feel like that's why

I'm like very much how I've explained

myself to be in this in this whole

podcast. I feel like it's all based off

of that. like don't compromise on the

things that you want cuz I don't feel

like I want thing want anything insane.

So it's very important for me to expand

on business about the things that are

your non-negotiables. Don't nyagaza

because as soon as you start nyagazing,

you start nyagazing in different areas

of the relationship and now you don't

look like you stand on business. You

don't look like you are even sure about

what you want because you said you

wanted this yesterday but then today cuz

you changed my mind. Yeah, you changed

my mind. This didn't work out in the

same way. Exactly. And there must be

things that you are not willing to

negotiate on. Of course, in all

relationships, you must learn

compromise. That's another thing I feel

like I'm just learning as a person

outside of relationships. I want things

done my way or the high way. And I feel

like that goes back to the conversation

we were having last week about

hyperindependence because I've always

had the leeway to do things however the

hell I want since I was 18. I haven't

lived at home since I was 18. So, I've

been doing things my own way ever since.

Like, no one tells me what to do. So now

getting into a relationship and kind of

being like, okay, we should compromise.

Like it's a it's a give and take. You

also need to be willing to let go of

some things to accommodate for the next

person's sake. So I feel like that is a

big one that I took from my last

relationship as well. Like girl, be

willing to compromise. As much as you

expect it of the next person, expect it

of yourself. The next one also is to

give people grace. That doesn't mean let

people dance on your head, but everyone

is human and every you have flaws just

like the next person has flaws. So

really take in that take that into

consideration and be mindful. Be mindful

also everything that she said. I'll be

honest, everything you said is same for

me spiritually as well. Um for me what I

realized is also like I feel like we're

all on our own spiritual journeys. So,

it's just about, as you said,

communication and just both I feel like

both parties just need to be willing to

build a relationship spiritually

together individually and together where

we are. I feel like we just need to be

able to meet somewhere in the middle and

be willing to grow each other, pouring

into each other type situation. And I

feel like that's also a big one, just

being able to pour into each other. I

want someone who can pour into me, I

pour into you.

Do you get what I'm

saying? That's a really good one. I

think it's Sorry, just last one cuz you

just reminded me. Another one I really

learned in my last relationship is that

see something for what it is and don't

like gas out yourself out of it because

because everything else was so great.

I'd see like this one thing and be like

maybe it's not what it it is what it is.

It is what it is, girl. and either you

bring it up and you talk about it or ask

a friend or whatever. I just think

there's so many things that I overlooked

or for the sake that everything else was

rainbows and butterflies that it's like

it was almost like if I look at this one

too hard it's going to taint the rainbow

and butterflies. But I think you need to

look at it because it will come up at

some point. So a big thing I learned was

like as good as it is if this thing is

meant to be when you bring up this thing

that you're seeing it won't ruin what

you guys have. Exactly. You'll be able

Exactly. And you'll be able to address

the issue at hand cuz the relationship

as a whole is not the issue. This

specific is an issue. And I feel like if

we both figure out a solution, we can

kind of meet at a good place. But if no

one's saying anything, by the time

things are said, bomb, no, I hear you. I

hear you. I hear you. And even going

back, I don't I don't think I put in my

my sexual thing, but I cosign everything

that Lance said. I feel like with growth

and with age, you just become so much

more confident. And I feel like you

enjoy it more. And I feel like at the

stage I'm at, I'm the most confident

I've ever been. I feel like when I was

growing up, like when I was young, I was

just very like cuz I guess I didn't have

much like dating interaction, whatever

with I was very timid when I did start

dating and having interactions with men.

I feel like I was very just like, but

now I'm very like, sis, what's gay? Like

I can I can vocalize everything that I

do want, what I don't want. And I love

that for me. I love that too. Yeah.

Yeah. Shut up.

Age not far from that. It's knocking on

our door. But you know what? I love that

with age comes wisdom. Like grows.

That's my favorite part about aging.

Happy dating, guys. We're not aging for

nothing. Indeminent. May you find your

partners. Yes. Hopefully, guys. And

please let us know your guys' dating wos

in the description box. Your highlights,

your low lightss. We love to know. I

feel like we could even make this a

topic again cuz talk about with dating

now. There's guys with all the topics

even the topics we spoke about yesterday

last week. We can trust me you guys will

hear about it again because to be honest

with you. Okay guys, we're going to get

into one of my faves for the podcast

which is the dilemma segment. This is

where you guys send us in your dilemas

and we use our two brains that are

better than one to answer your dilemas.

So let's get into the first one. It

says, "Hey ladies, I need your help,

son. Met this guy. He's so sweet and

pays attention to literally everything I

say. A king." So, so far so good. We

were supposed to go on a date this

coming weekend, but I postponed due to

what I'm about to tell you. So, we So,

we chatting. So, I think she we were we

were chatting it up as usual this past

Saturday. Guy sends me a message saying

he needs to tell me something. I say,

"Okay, what is it?" He goes on to tell

me that he lost his front teeth in a car

accident 5 years ago. I try reassure him

and tell him it won't be an issue. Now,

problem is I went to look at his

pictures and he doesn't smile or show

his teeth in any of them. Now, I'm

afraid I'll get the surprise of my life

on the date. I postponed it because I'm

afraid I'll laugh in his face and this

is clearly an insecurity of his um

because he's telling me prior to us

meeting. I was hoping this would stop

being funny to me by now, but every time

I think about it, I just laugh. Should I

just forget about him or be honest with

him?

Guys, when I read this, I said, "You

guys are not re living real lives.

This cannot be a real life that you're

living."

I don't know why that is taking me. It's

actually Dals. I haven't said that in so

long in this in this episode. I'm so

proud of myself. You can finally say

it's Davalo because it actually is Dal

and he's married. True. Jimmy, so what

do you advise her? She's saying, "Should

I just forget about him or be honest

with him?" So, I'm assuming they've

never met. Yeah, they haven't. They've

just

Yes, they haven't met like at all. And

she looks at his

pictures. So, she doesn't want to get to

the dead and see there's no teeth on

that thing. Mhm. Maybe he wears falsies.

He doesn't show me cuz he wouldn't have

told her that if he wears falsies.

There's actually no way he wears there's

no teeth at all. Show me.

Oh.

Um, I'll be honest. I'll say the hard

thing. I would tell him papas the tea

situation is not going to work for me. I

don't want to hold you. The problem here

though is that she reassured him. That's

where you went wrong. Gabrielle, you

went too far because Gabriel reassuring

him was where the problem is. Because

now you do actually have a problem with

it. So why'd you reassure him? You see

the queen trying to be the good guy.

Don't be the good guy. Don't be the good

guy. You tell him, he's going to be

like good woman. And he's there thinking

you're a good woman and you're bad. But

and I think Are we wrong? We're not

wrong. Unfortunately, I feel like though

there's nothing wrong with admitting

that in the process of dating someone,

looks do matter to a certain extent,

there's actually nothing wrong with

that. The problem here is that you

reassure him. That's the only problem

that you're having to but I don't think

you should. I think you should be

honest, but don't say it in a mean way.

Just be like,

um, I lied about the meaning thing. Cuz

the thing is, if you get there and you

love it and that's going to be mean, so

love don't laugh at him rather just be

like, you know what, I actually thought

about the tea situation and it's not

going to work for me. It's not going to

work. papas to me. I don't know. I just

feel like should we even talk about the

teeth? Like I don't you have to What are

you going to say? I'm obviously anti-

ghosting. I don't believe in so much.

All right. I think she needs to come up

with something for me. Oh my god. I'm

worried about him. Like what? Telling

him that those teeth of yours, I don't

want to see them. She's not going to say

it like that. I know, but he's going to

know it is cuz at some stage the

band-aid must be ripped off. Should we

maybe on my end? I'm just scared to like

break that man's heart. This is so fair

because Yeah. Listen to me. But if not,

if you are nervous about it, which is

fair if you want to spare his feelings,

you're going to have to come up with

something. Pull up something out of of

thin air. Maybe just say, "You know

what? I'm actually not ready for seeing

someone say that." So before we waste

more of each other's time, I think let's

wrap it up before we even meet each

other. Before we meet, let's wrap it up

now. Whatever. Because guys telling him

that inking I'm seeing you. The thing is

he brought it up. That was your perfect

option saying you know what actually no

the problem here was the reassurance cuz

he actually brought it up. He's the one.

You could have gone to the in that

moment. You could have said you know

what now that you've told me this I

actually don't want to do this. But now

cuz she's reassured you must come back

and say those teeth you speak of I can't

be with him. But I feel like it's I

don't know. Is it better or worse than

pointing out something in his

personality that doesn't exist?

But what are you pointing out in the

personality? Chimmy, I don't know.

Whatever thing she's going to make up

just say she's not in the position to

date right now. Oh, okay. Fair enough.

See, it's not you. It's me. See, guys,

that is that is a crazy dilemma, though.

I want you to know that. Anyways, the

next one. So, I got married. Let me make

sure I'm bringing this to the beginning.

Yeah, I am. Okay. So, I got married six

month ago months ago to the sweetest

man. We have a beautiful daughter. He

loves me in excl this word. All the

best. And I'm so grateful for him.

However, I recently met an ex-brite of

mine who I believe gave me the best

eggplant chips of my entire existence. I

was kind of seeing him and my hubby at

the same time over three years. Um, but

three years ago, sorry. But I had to

pick one cuz I don't know how to have

more than one partner. TBH, my husband

won my heart. I never knew I was a

waterfall until my encounters with the

side exp. And though my sex life with

husb is great, it's just never been to

that

standard. Ah, [ __ ] dead. I think you

know where I'm going with this. Me and

said bite live in different towns, but

we bumped into each other when I

traveled there for work and kind of

started talking again. He wanted to come

to my hotel that night, but thank God it

didn't happen. He says he'll be

traveling to my city very soon. I've

been fantasizing about him and

reminiscing on our encounters all week.

What should I do? Baton, nothing. I

mean, I know I obviously shouldn't cheat

on my husband. It's just extremely hard

not to think about that, man. Stop

thinking.

I'm going to need you to stop thinking

about that part of yours.

Because the worst thing you can do with

yourself is remember that thing. And

don't think about it. Oh my god. Someone

from your past will be good better in

bed than your present. The chances of

very high happening are high. But I we

all know this in life and I think I've

also learned it personally. Don't do

some instant gratification for something

you want to maintain forever.

So if you just want to do a little quick

quick that that waterfall you speak of

that waterfall, you're going to need

your husband to teach your husband to do

a new because what? You're gonna get

that postnut clarity and you're gonna

literally want to scream 40 days and 40

nights. Especially if you're saying you

love your husband, he's great. Did you

guys have a child together? Girl, forget

about that sex and teach your husband to

take you to the max. Go to a sex

therapist if you have. To be honest,

it's not even Let's be honest, right?

Had this guy not come back into your

life, would you even be thinking about

the sex you had with him? No. You

wouldn't be thinking about it. The only

reason you think about it is because

he's in your life right now and he's

going to be in your life for 5 seconds.

Hold on a little while longer.

Literally, it will pass. Like, yeah,

this will pass, my dear. God is tempting

you right now. And I need you to pass

this test. It's not even God who's

tempting you. It's the devil. The devil.

Actually, it's thevil. The devil is

tempting you right now. And I need you

to pause this. No. Pause it, [ __ ]

Don't do that thing. Don't put yourself

in a position where you can be tempted

to do something you know you don't want

to do. You're going to regret it.

Because at the end of the day, you are

just human. So, do not put yourself in

an environment. Don't even Don't let him

come to your hotel. Don't let him come

to Forget like forget about your mind.

You guys shouldn't have each other's

numbers because clearly you guys are

each other's spots. You can't be

trusted. So I think stop communication

first and foremost to you don't think

about it but if if cuz she said her sex

life with her husband is good but if

you're comparing it to that guy maybe

you do need to kick it up a little notch

teach your husband to let that waterfall

but this is why I always say when I put

my hands on premarital sex because you

wouldn't even compare him to anything

had you guys he had no sex before

marriage he was on to something because

you wouldn't be comparing anything to

anything that's the I always think about

because even the fact that You are

having perfectly okay sex with your

husband. You fine with it. But you're

comparing it to that other guy sex with

his sex being better is completely

normal. It's literally fine. You wanting

to have it wanting to have it again.

Yes. Because even you said your husband

won your heart over that. It's not worth

ruining your marriage and you're blowing

up your family that your kid is some

quick quick shame.

This is why guys, if you haven't had

sex, don't do it.

Wait for that husband. Get married. Take

it from me. Like I promise you. Don't

you w up that window.

Don't let out that antidote.

Don't let that go. He was on to

something. He really antidote.

Please, [ __ ] I hope you've heard us

today. But moving on to

music. This is where we talk about what

we've been listening to this week. what

we're both listening to as a squad. Um

the link is always in the description

box. We have Spotify, we have Apple

Music, all those things. We're listening

to the X. Um I have submitted two songs,

but actually the song I'm going to talk

about now because I can't remember who

the artist cuz my phone is on the floor

right now. Um

that's why I got distracted when I was

bringing the intro. I was like, you know

what, that phone is on the floor and I'm

not facing it right now. Um the other

song that I put in is Ba Vula. I think

it's by Fazo featuring it's the remix

featuring Calvin Momo and someone else.

Okay. But it is so good. I really love

it. Personally, what I realized I really

love like Amabiano songs that put in

gospely type vibes, things that are

prayers. A lot of Amabiano songs are

prayers. I love it. Message. I

love what the Amabiano artists are doing

is their big one. And I love it so much.

Shout out to like I'm a band with MS. I

love it so much. Batini boners. Batsini.

We love them too. I fear to me. I love

them. I don't want to lie to you. I love

it down. But the ones with the like

Gabza is doing his huge one with the

gospel. She's the king of gospel. I'm

awes.

Oh my gosh. You had to

clarify

please shut please. No but real

actually. That is a married man. All the

best today. I love him musically, but I

wanted to say I don't know if it's just

and I know you agree. So, we say us if

it's just us. Guys, in the clubs these

days, they're not playing that sing

along piano anymore. Why? What's

happening? Why are you guys playing on

the instrumental? We don't like it. And

we were literally saying cuz we Lant and

I have been inside for the longest time,

guys. We've been hibernating. Cool. It's

a winter after all. And we went out this

past weekend and we were like, "Oh my

gosh." Like, firstly, we didn't even

know how the songs that were being

played, which is a very indicator.

Secondly, why are you guys playing weird

instrumentals with me? I was like, I

would love to sing

P something. The whole time we were just

like, we don't even know what time is.

Mind you, I went out two days in a row

cuz you didn't. Yes, you went out of It

was the same at live even. It was only

when Young Ster performed where we did a

little bit of a something. Once he

dropped that mic, it was back to

instrumentals. I said, "I don't know

who's DJing right now on the decks, but

I need you guys to play some tunes."

Yes, guys. Get back to that. Like we

want to go to the club and maybe they're

playing for the maybe the young kids

like the crowd would be dancing. You saw

that tempo crowd. They were trying they

were trying to dance doing a little

trick. But I'm just saying that if you

want to get the people going put on some

piano we can't sing to you. It's okay to

play Scorpion Kings. I think it's fine.

It's so safe. I think it's okay. I'd

love to hear it but maybe it's in right

though.

Sorry. We're not wrong. me always

playing the song. Hey, by the copyright.

And also for the people who have been

asking us why we don't play the music

copyright, you guys, we don't want to

get a copyright track on this channel.

We just got in the partner program.

They're going to kick us out. We want

that journey. Like, please go click on

the playlist, please. Like I say, all

our songs are there. Is this your second

song, Jimmy? Yes, that's it.

Butterflies. Yeah, it's there. So, song

is what's falls and rides butterflies.

Yeah, it's an R&B song. Very cute song.

Giving new school R&B, which I like. to

me. Anything with Joyce Rice? Yes, she's

got a scrumptious voice. What I'm

listening to this week? Um, only because

love her lose.

Who is it? When you laughing because

like love her as in like I would date

her.

She's not lying, guys. She's actually

really not lying. Her name is K1. Love

her sound. She makes really good music.

Um, my favorite song from hers I think

would be Worst Behavior and Eyes Wide

Open. Good song. The song's trending on

Tik Tok right now. It's called Do What I

Say and I will do What? Which one is Is

it Which is worst behavior? Worst

behavior is the one where there's a

remix with Kaani. So, first got a normal

one, then there's a remix. That's why

I'm asking. I was asking if Kani's on

it. She's on and they're making out in

that music video. Should it be period?

She wanted to be her so badly. I really

wanted to be me. Who? What is the name?

Kwan. Kwan is spelled Kwan, if you're

listening, please come give my girl a

kiss. Just a little just you guys. I'm

as straight as uncooked spaghetti. But

like with her, she could go I can come.

Oh my god. So much hunger on this

episode. Love

but and she makes really good music

though cuz like desire aside she's she

is it easy for you to put the dance

desire aside my friend. I'm going to put

aside for you guys. I'll put the the

design aside. She makes really really

good music. She's a UK artist actually

and she's like slowly breaking into like

mainstream. Tik Tok is really doing a

thing for her. And Kanani as well. She

actually has another song with Kanani

called Clothes Off. She's also very

sexual but good song, good artist. Love

her. So, she'll be on the playlist this

week. Guys, go listen to our playlist.

It literally bangs so hard if I do say

so. I was listening to it like in the

shower. Yeah, guys, it's delicious. Go

and listen to it. We're eating. But

anyways, guys, we have come to that time

of the episode that sucks. I know, guys.

I'm crying, too. Literally. However, we

have to leave and we have to see you

next week. We can't have forever. We

can't have forever. But please do not

forget to let us know your guys'

thoughts in the comments. If you guys

are listening to us, what is good?

Please don't forget to rate us on

Spotify and on Apple Podcast. It really

does help our podcast out. Don't forget

to subscribe. I noticed a lot of you

guys are watching. No subscription. Why

subscribe honey? You clearly love it. So

stay and subs. But we will see you guys

in the next one. Bye bye.

[Music]