How to handle difficult family members | Mel Robbins #Shorts

One day I was sitting down with my

therapist, Dr. Anne Davin. She's a depth

psychologist. She's a writer. She's

honestly one of the wisest people I've

ever met in my entire [music] life. And

I was talking to her about a very

difficult family member. And this is a

person who always makes it about them.

They always know how to pull the focus

back to themselves, whether it's pouting

or it's yelling or it's mood swings. And

so I was talking with my therapist about

this relationship because I was just

like, "What am I doing wrong?" Like,

"How do I change this dynamic with this

person?" And more importantly, why are

they like this? And Ann said something I

will never forget. It changed my life.

And I'm going to read to you from the

Let Them Theory book. This is chapter 7,

page 111.

She said, "Mel, most adults are just

8-year-old children inside of big

bodies. The next time you're with this

person and you [music] feel yourself

getting triggered by something they say

or some way that they act, I just want

you to imagine the second grade version

of them present with you in the room."

Because what you're describing is

someone who has the emotional maturity

of an eight-year-old. And like it or

not, that's most adults. Why else does

your mom pout instead of saying what's

wrong? Why does your friend give you the

silent treatment? Why does your

boyfriend send you passive aggressive

texts when you're out with friends? Why

does your sister blow up and then act

like nothing happened an hour later?

It's because adults at their core are

just as emotional as children. The

difference is sometimes they're better

at hiding it. But here's the beautiful

thing about the let them theory. Instead

of getting frustrated, you begin to

understand that most people simply don't

have the tools [music] to handle their

emotions maturely. See, emotional

maturity isn't something you're born

with or that happens. It's a skill that

takes time, practice, and a desire to

learn. My therapist is right. Most

people you meet still act like an

eight-year-old child when they don't get

what they want or when they feel

uncomfortable emotions. The let them

theory is going to teach you how to stop

reacting and how to stop letting other

people's emotional maturity ruin your

life.