How you know it's not your person | Mel Robbins #Shorts

I've been married almost 30 years. >> Congratulations.

>> Yeah, it's a lot of work. It is. >> It is. And I wish I had known the Let

them Theory sooner. In the last two years, my relationship with my husband

Chris has deepened in a way that I can't even

explain because I'm not fighting against the reality of who I'm with. And he

isn't either. And the hardest thing in the world being with somebody that you

love, who's a good person,

and knowing they're not your person. Having the courage to really see that

it's one of the hardest things in the world. And the way that you figure it

out, there's a lot of very interesting research on this. So, first of all,

you've got to let them be who they are. And you've got to see with a laser focus

that the person that's right in front of you, you should assume they're never

changing. If they watch golf all weekend, they're going to do it till

they're 60. If they are sloppy, they're probably going to be sloppy. Now, these

there are skills that people can learn, but you got to accept somebody exactly

as they are and exactly as they aren't. And how you figure out whether or not

this is your person is an issue of compatibility. And the research is very

very clear on this. So if you look at the Gottman Institute, which is a

husband and wife team, they're the world's most renowned researchers on

love and relationships. 69% of the things that people bicker about or don't

like about their partner, not going away. But most of those things aren't

deal breakers. What actually makes you not compatible is this.

There's something about this person that is going to make you go against your

values or who makes you give up on your dreams.

If staying with this person means you have to give up on some kind of dream or

vision that you have for your life, this will never work because you will slowly

resent them and blame them for the fact that you gave up on your dream. That's

how you know it's a deal breakaker. Or if there is something about your values,

like maybe you're a morning person and they sleep till two. Maybe you're

somebody who doesn't drink and you don't want to be with a drinker. Maybe you're

somebody who is um you really value traveling and this is a person that

never wants to move from their hometown. They never want to like if that's making

you give up on your vision for your life, this is a deal breakaker. And

here's how you know. Can you end your bitching about it?

If you can't end your bitching about it, then you're probably in the wrong

relationship.