ТРИВОЖНИЙ ТИП прив'язаності: 3 стадії і ліки від страху, що тебе кинуть чи розлюблять

friends, hello to all. At the heart of the anxious type of attachment is also fear,

only this fear that they will fall out of love with me, they will not love me and I will be abandoned because

you were not loved or abandoned in childhood and now you think that you deserve

love and you idealize it so love and you think that for

you, relationships are associated with the fact that you will find your ideal love, everything

will be great with you, every moment of your life together will be absolutely as

happy as possible, you will have perfect sex, an ideal emotional type of understanding of each

other, you will always match in temperament you will have a better mood, you will have

a perfect fusion, you will die in one day And that it will be angelic heavenly happiness and that

the Birds will always sing and pink hearts will burst with such

champagne bubbles, in short, you expect from the relationship a perfect constant

of permanent billion percent happiness and when it approaches you the prospect

of a relationship, on the contrary, you can cling to it very strongly, for example,

on the fifth day, you can already offer a person to meet because you are starting to

worry that oh-oh-oh, the relationship hasn't started yet And what are they already like? Yes, I just

remembered this joke What girls are like on the first date She has already

lost in herself that how did they get married how did they already have children how did these children

grow up this is an alarming type of attachment That is, you are frankly in a hurry and an alarming

type of attachment it consists of three stages the first here is a prospect of a relationship appears

and you think oh oh oh I'll give everything I'll give praise I'll give support

I'll give empathy I'll give attention I'll give Gifts I'll give Surprises I'll give everything everything

everything everything perfect sex and as much as possible if only this a person

understood that I am perfect for her, cool And she fell in love with me and then we would

finally be together, that is, you are a little like a dog in a relationship, you want

perfect everything at once, total happiness and you are ready to give it. That is, in

principle, it was possible I would say that these are ideal partners in a relationship, but this

does not lead to happiness in the same way as avoiding attachment, and especially yes,

there can be such unpleasant situations when you are anxious, for example, you

are attached, and the person next to you avoids attachment and she

started getting closer to you. She felt fear and she wants to move away from you a little and you

at this moment feel even more anxious and you want to pursue her, you

want to catch up with her, you want to find out everything about her, why she

distances herself from you and it turns out that if at the first stage you give much more and

much faster and much more unconditionally than it would be adequate for a person of this

love, all of all of all empathy and attention, and of course then the person wants

to distance himself from you or he just wants to rest or he just wants to stop pouring

a little without you Well, she doesn't want such a direct super-super sweet cloying

paradise and when she starts to distance herself from you, then you start to feel

even more anxious, that is, at first you have anxiety that you won't fall in love,

there won't be a relationship Then you have anxiety that a person might leave you She can

leave you, and here it is very difficult for you to endure without a person for a while.

That is, in essence, it is an analogue of love addiction. And you begin to break down

when a person is not around, you cannot tolerate a certain distance and you

begin to get mad and you begin to feel anxiety, you begin to feel

sadness, you want to be closer to this person, you want to get angry with her and you

start to pursue her, that is, because of your anxiety, you start to

give her even more of everything and even more bitterly if and then when the person does not particularly

satisfy some of your needs, God forbid, she distanced herself what's more

, you already start to feel angry , these are

the same feelings, feelings, feelings, feelings, and anger .

he doesn't matter, then I'll leave him first or

I don't need him [ __ ]

at all, I made a dramatic mistake, I spent the best

years of my life on him, and now I have to leave him first so as not to worry about how

he will leave me, and then you can or to throw or throw

various such hysterical scandals, i.e. to express your

emotional needs in such a violent way, the satisfaction of which you did not ask for and because you also have them

excessive, because you give a person much more than you have, for example, you

give there for 12, and you need for 10, and you also demand for yourself, if

more than a normal person was going to give you

[music] treatment for an anxious type

of attachment, accordingly, it will be consist of the following steps: first, when you

may just have a relationship and you are still at the first stage of a relationship, on the contrary, you

should slow yourself down, please try not to rush, try not

to do things faster than they should happen naturally, and vice versa, I

would advise you freeze for as long as possible, well, don’t deliberately

freeze a person, yes, that is, if he shows some initiative, of course you

agree, but you just do n’t

initiate it yourself .

for this person, this time is necessary for

you, so that you simply, with the passage of time, make sure for yourself

that this person loves you and needs you, because you

had such an experience in your childhood when you were abandoned and demonstrated by your actions and deeds that

you are not loved And you have a panicky, total fear that you will not be loved

and if you suddenly relax, you know, you lie down in a boat and just float

down the river with the current, and that's how you swim and swim and events pass by you and

evidence accumulates that people need you, that you for her, it is also important

when you have And the more you accumulate these facts, the more you

will be calm, because you will already have concrete evidence that a person

loves you, and normal people with a secure type of attachment need time to

be convinced because you are really that person, because she is more

picky than you and she is really interested in having a normal, adequate,

cool person next to her, and she needs time first to get to know you and she needs time to

form a safe closeness because she is a safe closeness takes longer to form

than anxious intimacy because anxious intimacy is

a dangerous intimacy, i.e. wait calmly, do not tolerate events and give the person

the opportunity to prove to you simply by their adequate actions and deeds that they

need you, are interesting and will be responsible and attentive to you And

that you are what she really sees you and she needs you And that she won't leave you Yes, and even

on this first step, I want to advise you very, very strongly, don't give

the person any attention, praise, empathy, or gifts.

three/quarters of what is

normal for you because you can just throw her like that and suffocate her already with this

love' that Well, she can become really uncomfortable from this at the second stage

when you understand that you have developed such love independence and you can't

to endure a breakdown on your own that you really start a breakdown without

a person, then here you need to learn to divert attention you need to have your own

personal communication outside the space of this person, your own hobbies and activities That is,

you should really have a focus in your life

of interesting and real attention for yourself Where are you going There is distraction . This is your

inner temple. This is something very, very intimate, personal, which is only for you, which

is only yours. This is super-super something so authentic. That is, you must know yourself,

love yourself and respect yourself.

it is best to divert attention to communication, to creativity, to learning, to

sports, some kind of activity, and in the third stage, when the anxiety is already

at its maximum, and you are already convinced that this person does not love you, that he

does not value you, that you mean nothing to him, then you need to do

cognitive restructuring, which is well-known to all of us. That is, you take and write this person

does not love me, you write arguments that confirm these facts. It was most likely

an invented trigger, which is a manifestation of transference. That is, you

confused this person, your current

lover, with someone from your of the past

. Who really

despised you. Who insulted you .

this person doesn't love you. That is, you directly gathered the facts and it turns out that she is you

despises that she does not respect you, it also happens that you choose

the same people under the influence of a love scenario. Like your father or mother or grandfather, and these people

are not really ready to give you safe closeness, then you really have to

make a decision to break up with this person and look for a real,

safe and suitable one who will appreciate and love you. But if it just

seemed to you that this person does not love you and there will be more arguments against it

, for example, you met a person there a week ago and she did not

write to you for two days and she said I won't write to you because I'm preparing for exams

, for example, she told you there five times that I like you two times she

said I love you three times she asked you out on a date two times she gave

you a surprise, that is, she's like let's go and shows that she loves you by actions. And

even if at the moment, under the influence of your emotions, your resentment,

it temporarily seems to you that she does not love you, then you calm down and

understand that your emotions do not correspond to reality, and these facts and arguments

calm you down and you understand that you don't have to trust this opinion of Alya, he doesn't

love me in the same way as with the avoidant type of attachment, the anxious type

of attachment can be overcome only with the help of regular active training

in practice, therefore, friends, I wish you successful training, I wish us all

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