This One Question Fixes Most Fights

What do you think most of us get wrong

about how we communicate? That arguments

are something to win, not something to

unravel. I teach that arguments are are

knots in the conversation. And what gets

worse is when you pull your way and I

pull my way versus looking at it and

saying, "Help me with the knot. How can

we unravel this? How can we smooth it

out?" Never win an argument. If

somebody's telling you or teaching you

or you read some book on how to win

every argument, they're just selling you

something. Anytime there's

miscommunication, it is because what is

sent is not what is received. So what

you thought you said is not what they

heard. And often you're just on

different frequencies. And so he's why'd

you say that? The question is, what did

you hear? And so it's that understanding

of what did you hear when I said that?

Because I know what I meant and what did

you

[Music]