Jordan Schlansky’s Origin Story | Team Coco Radio

I'm here with a very special guest at

the moment this is someone

I get asked about more than anyone else

I've worked with

in late night Wherever I Go

wherever I go in the world

uh probably once a day people come up to

me and say

what's the deal with Jordan schlansky he

is a phenomenon so I thought I'd have

Jordan come in sit down and maybe we'd

talk about this and see if we can't

figure out

uh what this relationship is uh really

all about so sitting here is George

Lansky hello Jordan hi

are you close enough to the microphone

you have to tell me that's not my

responsibility okay well why don't you

put the microphone a little closer to

your mouth

you are being an incredible prick

already I didn't realize it was

functioning as an audio engineer but I'm

happy to comply okay I'm not an audio

engineer but I could tell immediately I

don't know how these are calibrated

you've been in this studio many times

this is my first appearance okay you if

you're listening right now and you're

driving and you're uh clenching the

wheel angrily uh I apologize that's

because

like me when someone comes on and takes

an arrogant

inhuman tone you get upset why would you

assume I know how many inches this is

meant to be from my mouth that's like

quite an assumption that's a great Point

how many inches is this from my mouth

you just opened yourself up to I mean if

the Impractical Jokers right now were on

the line they'd be having a blast you

how many inches is this from my mouth

Jordan let's get started before you get

combative or strange please answer these

questions succinctly how did you come to

work for me do you remember the year I

do the year was 1994. I was an unpaid

intern initially and then I was hired to

continue my employment okay so you

started out as an intern and then some

idiot decided to hire you on

permanently and you were paid and then

eventually you got a title on the show

which was

oh I don't remember what I started at

there were news titles yes I'm sure

there were numerous what was the title

you ended up with associate producer

right man if there's ever been a vague

term uh it would have to be associate

producer because we started using you on

the show and when I say using you I mean

featuring you as a personality because

you're so unusual I think it was uh

Frank Smiley I'll give Frank Smiley the

credit Frank's my longtime producer on

our show said Jordan's fascinating we

need to get him on camera I thought that

was kind of immoral you know uh in a way

to take advantage of someone with your

limitations and exploit you but Frank

was determined and we did and so I I

also blame Frank for empowering you

um Frank do Frank's here by the way

Frank well do you remember

um Jordan worked on the show and then

you one day said uh we got to get this

guy on on camera well I mean

it was an easy softball for you to hit

out of the park every time because we

had this relationship and it wasn't

being recorded yes the relationship that

people see in these remotes was

basically going on in the office every

single day yes and people think oh is

this an act no it's not an act because

it was going on for several years before

we you even thought to put this on

camera that's right it was during the

writer's strike when we were desperate

for

um material that wasn't that didn't need

any writing yeah you just needed me and

Jordan in a room together and stuff

would start to happen right because he

so naturally

um provocative yes there's nobody like

Jordan and

um

he's a strange man yeah and uh it um you

know it's obvious that America loves him

yeah America has taken you to its

Collective bosom I do mean bosom Jordan

I swear to God almost every day people

ask me what's the deal with Jordan my

son loves in and out the In-N-Out

hamburger chain here in California

and a bunch of years ago we're passing

one and my son is really hungry and he

says hey can we go to In and Out and I

say sure thing so we pull over into the

parking lot and my son goes into place

his order

and uh uh I'm standing outside the car

a truck a semi truck screeches to a halt

the driver puts it in neutral and puts

on the emergency brake jumps out and

runs across the highway

and says to me I just have to know is

Jordan real

that's the kind of I mean he this guy

thre he put his life in danger to find

out if you are real I still don't have

the answer I still don't know exactly

what you did on our show what does an

associate producer do what was your job

what did you do for us why did we pay

you uh well across the entertainment

industry the title associate producer is

somewhat variable I had a multitude of

responsibilities geared towards the

smooth operation of the show okay again

what a cloud of nonsense well I could

tell you uh what one of my

responsibilities was not and that was

not to explain to you what I do okay oh

okay so that was not your job let me

explain to people listening right now

if you're familiar at all with the

defense mechanisms behind a modern

nuclear sub here's how it works if it's

attacked what happens is that the the

enemy ship fires a torpedo at it that

homes in on the large metallic structure

that is the sub as it gets close one of

the things that the sub that's being

attacked can do is it can shoot out a

lot of metal shards and junk out of the

side and that distracts the missile so

it veers off and attacks the space the

junk that's been emitted and doesn't hit

the actual sub that's what you do every

time I ask you what do you do for a job

you open your mouth and you eject a

bunch of and it misdirects the

question uh the question explodes

harmlessly often the Briny deep and your

sub is saved and you you seem to take

pride in your own ignorance as to my

responsibilities as if this is something

you should be bragging about not

understanding what your employees do

it's not my responsibility to explain to

you it's a belabor every detail of what

I do what the real question is what are

you doing right now

what are you doing to fill your time I'm

doing a Serious XM do you realize what

an honor it is to get channel 106. do

you know what was on channel 106 before

I took it over do you consider this a

full-time occupation I don't know I'm

really enjoying it and I think you're

just bitter that you're not able to skim

uh any of your own cashola off my off my

Sirius XM gig I think you're angry that

you can't be associate producer of

SiriusXM channel 106. I'm indifferent

I'm here to ask the question answer the

questions that you asked me well I love

it when different people start shouting

at me

I'm completely indifferent