WIN The War In Your HEAD And Find PEACE | David Goggins

everybody I'm excited to share today's

conversation with David Goggins with you

but prior to doing that I want to warn

you the language use in this interview

is very strong and there's profanity use

throughout the conversation David speaks

in this interview like David speaks and

so if you have children that you don't

want to hear very intense language this

would not be the interview for you to

listen to or watch and you can make sure

that they're out of the room or anywhere

around you when they're listening to it

or if you yourself are offended by

strong language like that I just want to

warn you as a friend that maybe this

isn't the interview for you if you can

tolerate it or it doesn't bother you at

all it's gonna change your life though

what's motivating you as of stories I'm

telling you about what I did in my life

once I stopped living that I'm no more

yes as a man Lupe another man you know

where the man's done I didn't want to

win I still don't want to win for some

reason I don't care about winning for

some I just want to go to distance the

Helmick was very different than most of

them it has on her feet the whole time

my stress fractures my I'm blown up my

legs are broken up since they humming

now there's no walking I can't heal so

what I did was I casted the duct tape so

I put the duct tape over the sock but

basically it's a 45 minutes my legs and

when they go numb

you don't feel and people say why did

you do that is either that or not be

company

welcome back to max out everybody I got

him right there

that's Goggins everyone number one

requested guest you don't know this for

my show the last two years is you really

yeah yeah really honored honored I got

to tell you the best by far off-camera

conversation I have ever had is what

we've been having I think you would

agree but good for you that's very good

for both of their real good and

hopefully that'll transition over to the

show itself but this this is a gentleman

who completed Navy SEAL training Army

Ranger training Air Force attack P

training I believe he's the only person

in history to do that sir this is a guy

did three hell weeks sixty plus ultra

marathons where I'll run with broken

bones for 30 miles to get into one of

the mega ultra marathons and a lot of

people call him him the toughest man

alive but I'm excited because I get to

call him my friend now I've enjoyed this

conversation so much and I think you

guys are gonna join the on camera one so

this is Goggins everybody appreciate you

happy man thank you thank you okay if I

call you David gosh fine man David gagas

it's fine Goggins David just don't call

me Dave okay will you

you're Goggins now but you grew up david

Goggins right and i most people know

this about your upbringing because i

want to get into this stuff but I was

fascinated before I met you like what

makes this you know I'm saying like what

are the circumstances the conditions the

thinking that turned somebody into you

right and so start a little bit with

like how you grew up because I think

that's part of the story well my dad so

I grew up in Buffalo New York my my dad

really helped create this I'm not giving

him credit

yeah like oh he was a great dad like

clap my hands for his ass he helped

create this because he was just that he

was a devil mm you know he was a guy

that had to be very insecure very beat

down something had happened to him he

was younger because the way he treated

me my brother my mom was just horrible

so he would beat us my mom my brother my

me and I'm not something like oh you got

in trouble and something to give you

whipping and he would he was a drunk

okay so whenever he woke up man he woke

up drinking went to bed drinking and

that's how it was him he get

drunk he's got violent it's my mom

caught my dad cheating we got home about

four o'clock in the morning so about

seven eight years old and I hear some

ruckus outside my room as I'm getting

ready bed down for the night and my mom

and dad are outside my room because

there's a staircase right there and my

dad is smacking the hell out my mom and

knocks her almost unconscious where

she's kind of out of it you know she's

kind of loopy she falls down he grabs

her by her hair and dragging the other

stairs by her hair and so at this age

I'm certain thinking man you know what

the [ __ ] should I do man like you know

I'm scared but then something made me

saying you got to go and do something

homework but I'm scared to death of this

guy he's been beating the [ __ ] out of me

since I can remember

and I mean like laying me out for

nothing I'm still thinking man okay man

like I am I gonna do so my brother he

and I were very different where my

brother would see the fighting he would

go to this room and hide I didn't do

that I always stuck around so this time

I stuck around I decided to help her out

so going on the stairs and I jump on his

back and literally he tells my mom

you're raising the gangster and she's

like on the floor and Ethan was smiling

almost like proud but that smile went to

a frown pretty quick and he beat the

living hell out of me

and he beat me literally from my neck

down to my ankles like black and blue so

the next morning I wasn't going to

school half the day my mom woke up and

she pulled the covers back and what she

saw was how bruised I was and so when

she pulled the covers back and saw a

bruise that was I'll never forget

looking at her face because she used to

write letters screaming you know for me

and my brother to miss PE because we

were so bruised up from getting beaten

so you know how he's sick or whatever

and so you know she was lying a lot for

my dad so this particular day she got a

letter but when I laid in the bed I

looked at my mom and she put the covers

back I'll never forget looking at her

face and her face is tattooed in my

brain and while I say that this past

year I got the VFW Awards

for Americanism award and if you google

david Goggins VFW award I'm in front of

5,000 veterans I'm getting this amazing

award John McCain got it and I'm up here

thinking about my freaking this award

this is amazing it's for giving back and

also having a great military career and

I could give this six minute long speech

and I'm up there man I'm talking and I'm

thinking I'm thinking people who helped

me out I get to my mom she's sitting

back you know she's sitting right here

on stage right behind me and I haven't

cried in 30 years I came a picture

haven't cried in 30 I don't do that and

I turn around and say and I you know I

want to thank my mom for not picking me

up when I was knocked down but teach me

how to get up because she never picked

me up ever and because her circumstances

sucked so anyway I look back and I said

that and I got done I don't even get a

chance to say it I looked at her eyes in

my head went right back to her face when

she saw me bruised up and that [ __ ] me

up and for 58 seconds look at the video

and you'll see me my head's down and I'm

sobbing Wow and I'm in front of 5,000

vets and the guy who was who was hosting

the thing had to come up to me and like

put his hand my back and I was just

destroyed

overcome with emotion hmm and then 58

seconds go by and I get up and I deliver

this speech and so I tell you that

because life my life tattooed me and so

when I came from Buffalo I was eight

years old

several learn I have one learn

disability had several but I hid all

this [ __ ] I never talked about my dad

being crazy or I couldn't read I

couldn't write I get held back in my

second grade so now we moved my mom now

finds the courage to move to the small

town called Brazilian was that beating

the catalyst that made how is a Catholic

and that's probably why you flashback to

that site okay I guess basically that

next morning so this will happen that

that beating happened in maybe two days

later my mom's in the living room while

my dad's in the kitchen talking to one

of his girls my mom walks in the kitchen

the

me my brothers sitting in our you know

standard locations at the table my dad

hitting the table me my brother sided

table and there's a phone behind my dad

he always talked on the phone

smoking cigarette drinking his scotch

and he's talking to one of his girls on

the phone and my mom walks in and this

is where she was at mentally she walked

in look at me my brother and she said

you guys can come or you guys can stay

but I'm getting the [ __ ] out of here and

so she was broke like she was just

broken and I got my [ __ ] and I packed I

was gone quick my brother was kind of

like what should I do

so well long story short he doesn't come

with us to Brazil Indiana but he didn't

want to come we had car troubles on the

book he had car trouble all kind of [ __ ]

happen but we finally get to Brasilia

let me jump in real quick first off when

he says the book everybody I've read a

lot of books it's my favorite thing

about you

obviously there's this things we're

gonna get into in a little bit here that

are just remarkable about you that

you've achieved actually I don't think

it remarkable about you I think you

found remarkable spaces in your own mind

that other people could also find right

but I think it's remarkable you found

them given these circumstances well but

the book that he's referring to guises

can't hurt me and when you read this

book everybody I'm telling you these

stories like he's telling them now they

jump like I read the whole book in one

day and the reason is is because I was

so fascinated with you in the first

place but it's a it's I think it's

almost like a documentary into what can

build somebody like you but it like for

me people that are listen to this

especially you young people that listen

to it I know some of the language is

strong but I want y'all to understand

something no matter what you're going

through right now whether you're seven

years old or 77 years old those things

don't define you this man what you're

about to hear is incredible what he's

turned himself into from a dad who was

in those conditions too I think your mom

was great right but you've sort of said

mom wasn't ever again completely herself

after those situations right then he

goes into school has a learning

disabilities behind because he wasn't

going to school kind of starts just

lying and cheating to get his way

through school stuttered stutter stutter

started bad like my elementary years I

stuttered so bad I had these white

splotches although every minds gonna

have patches of hair falling out

a big stress stressed I was so stressed

out from my childhood and then now I'm

in this situation where I'm like god man

I I'm dumb I'm not smart and and now I'm

like this this black kid amongst all

these white people it just made me feel

just [ __ ] up and my mom was working

three jobs yeah we live in a $7 a month

place and she was never home and I was

like so but I didn't want to put my

troubles on my mom before that my

soon-to-be stepdad got murdered one

instant that really shocked my mind was

it was Christmas

so picture everything I talked about me

this is my seventh grade year we're

about to go out for you know so school

so so so Christmas breaks about to

happen and so here we are

we had elementary to junior high that

wrote our bus and we pull up in front of

the junior high school and the bus lets

out but not yet this kid who missed the

bus he missed the bus cause he had some

cookies for the bus driver he goes over

and I tell the story could the story it

[ __ ] me up so bad and this this kid

mom brought him to school and I seen

them pull up I'm in the back of the bus

and I'm in the very back right by the

back wheel facing the parking lot the

parking lot is probably 20 feet wide and

15 buses are lined up and we all open

the bus doors the same time we all get

out so the kid I see him the mom yells

over you forgot something he obviously

forgot the cookies he goes back gets the

cookies I look forward to bus moves

forward maybe this much the next thing I

know I'm hearing this lady screaming pop

her lungs

pulling like at her hair this is just

yanking that her hair just screaming

bloody murder I'm looking over the same

lady that called a little bored like

what the hell and she's looking down

under my tire mm-hmm and so I see these

things on my window and I know what they

were but they're like little spots so

you know how the old bus school you know

the buses have little things you pushed

and you pulled her down I pushed me I

looked down looking at her and her face

her eyes are looking right down

underneath my tire now like what the

hell is she looking at so I looked down

in this kid's head

it was this flat and his eyes were

bugged out his head and and I tell you

that story because a year almost exactly

a year later the same exact timeframe

the day after Christmas my mom shouldn't

be stabbed my seam is dead that got

murdered my god so that I tried to bury

that and now my eighth grade year he

gets murdered and so what happens I had

to bring you back here to set the tone

for what happened here I want to

understand what the hell you just said

you're telling me in the seventh grade

you watched a young man get run over by

a bus he I saw the after you saw that

after of his oh my so what I did so so I

got off the bus and this is what

curiosity does to you this is

devastating my life

I'm walking now so I ought to go to the

principal's office because I was like

witness to this [ __ ] some of the

prisoners office sitting there and the

one thing I did was I looked under the

bus mm-hmm as I saw I see this now look

under the bus as I'm walking to the

principal's office and I see these

little kids shoes I'm telling this

because this [ __ ] is it's about PTSD and

you know so I already had it for my

childhood now I'm in seventh grade and I

see his little kid's shoes like this big

he used it he was elementary kid just

twisted in and I'm just like with the

[ __ ] the nearly a year later the day

after Christmas a year later my

soon-to-be stepdad gets murdered and I

tell you that because I slept on my

floor for probably I don't know four

four months to six to six months like I

was afraid to sleep in my bed for some

reason don't know why some psychological

[ __ ] is like but I'm painting this

picture for he let you know boy where I

was at like yeah so one time I in my

Spanish class

we had all of our notebooks that that

stayed in the class mm-hmm so and you

know obviously your names on it yeah you

go get your notebook for a class and I

always sat back in the back of every

class man because I just want to be yeah

look at me don't call on me yeah I don't

know [ __ ]

oh my notebook up to the first page and

on it was a noose like a little hangman

you

with me hanging from it with the same

thing [ __ ] I'll kill you and this is in

the 90s this is the 90s in 1995 the KKK

marched in the 4th of July parade in

Brazil Janna now they weren't allowed to

march like actually in the parade they

were allowed to march a hundred or two

hundred feet behind it my mom didn't

know how bad my grades were she never

saw one report card I hit I hit

everything from and she even asked

she was so bogged down with life and so

I got away with a lot of [ __ ] because

her mind was occupied so it made me

honestly a weaker person hmm so I

scammed life my mom helped me scam life

for a while but this time I could have

scam life I what the second time took

the ASVAB test failed it again and a

week later she got a letter in the mail

from my high school and I'm a junior in

high school she later says pretty much

your son's gonna flunk out he's missed

25% of school cuz she was always gone

Sonny one's school he's gonna miss

school and sorry or he's gonna flunk out

so I was exposed myself my mom goes well

she read the letter to me she put my bed

and her best advice was guess what you

gonna flunk out of school that was it in

the conversation so this one I developed

my accountability mirror and this is

awesome I I look in the mirror and at

this time I didn't want to be the black

kid in school there's like five or six

of us in school are like 1700 kids like

that

and I made up a character to kind of

like draw attention from color and so

what I did was I started to design

haircuts and what hair could I have was

the old man and I shaved my head up here

just like this you did this I did this

and I would keep the hair on the side

like old man has and one time I shaved

my whole head and had a reverse part so

I had hair up here and the kind of

zigzag so I did things to be this cool

crazy kind of like creative kid you know

like criss cross came out this time I

had pants saggin but backwards so my my

back pockets here I had to push my I was

crazy man but I was a crazy cool kid

in school hmm so I look in the [ __ ]

mirror I see this letter I'm [ __ ] up

and I'm like you know what man no one is

coming to help me yeah I remember back

to it my principal second I went to the

principal when they brought that [ __ ] up

my car and in my notebook and the best

advice he can give me

god help his saw was this they're

ignorant they spelled Niger Niger and so

that's but honestly I talked to the guy

as I wrote my book and I have nothing

wrong with principal Freeman mm-hmm

he actually I actually interviewed him

for the book and he was happy interview

he was good man mmm what the [ __ ] you

could tell some black your white guy in

white society we could we could tell me

yeah you can shut another [ __ ] school

and have a [ __ ] dad so I started

talking to myself this way in this

mirror hmm what the [ __ ] is principal

[ __ ] up at that time like this is the

best you can [ __ ] do principal

Freeman mmm that was my mind living in

this mirror it wasn't my mom it wasn't

principal Freeman it wasn't my dad it

was me because well nobody coming back

to [ __ ] help David Gaga's that was my

mindset now and so with my nan spelling

ass I started getting these sticky notes

long and writing you're [ __ ] up and my

mom wakes up like what what is wrong

with you mmm I go man

I'm I have to change cuz I can't stay

here

I can't I licked myself and realized and

I was defeated I got look at myself I'm

like Who am I so I'm defeated in this

mirror and I'm like ok I'm changing I

said mom can we please get a tutor so we

can only afford $15 a week for a tutor

so I have 4 hours a month 4 hours a

month I had a 4th grade reading level

man 4 hours a month for 6 months so I

had so this tutor did one thing for me

very big

much like remember her damn name mmm but

basically she saw that I was slow very

slow and could it retain [ __ ] yeah I

think she was joking she's you're gonna

have to write down everything a thousand

times for you remember this mm-hmm

I took it as s okay literally Roger that

okay so I live he went to the store and

I bought these spiral notebooks and I

started literally writing down

math equation the same [ __ ] math

equation over and over and over and over

again when it came to a paragraph

comprehension I couldn't read the

[ __ ] paragraph and then remember it

so we have like I think 25 or 30

paragraph comprehension things I had it

right down the whole [ __ ] thing like

a whole paragraph and you you don't have

much time to take the [ __ ] test but

that's how I learned okay so how long

the the indium Navy dive man was like a

thousand pages Navy diamond

I got it a year in advance oh my gosh

and wrote the book out probably fourteen

times like the boilers law child's long

gay lussac's law

dalton's law all of these law but over

and over the whole manual so it's not

like so now I've done that so many times

I can go back in my mind it's okay page

71 was blows law and I can go back in

and I'm looking at it right now

and I remember writing it down so many

times that it takes me said okay I got

it and I can write it down almost

verbatim how I saw that's how I learned

even to the day but the work ethic I had

people think I became this guy from

running yeah no I became this guy from

[ __ ] study mmm I started study for

hours what might might take you an hour

to learn take me two days so that's

where in this at the table at the table

and my best friend Johnny remembers me

it's like God you like you just changed

something happened I got obsessed mm-hmm

so I take the test I score high I get in

the Air Force and that's when I'm like

man I'm gonna be a prayer rescue man and

this is when I realized my teach myself

how to swim I'll tell myself on a swim

and this and I realized man that I'm

negative buoyant as hell hmm and there's

a lot of things so what gets people in

Special Operations is to water not

swimming but the water conference when

they're like taking your air from you

and you're underwater panic I realized I

was very uncomfortable so long story

short I was there for six weeks I was

moving on free well a second in my class

and I was getting through all the water

conference

barely but I wanted to quit every

[ __ ] night I didn't go to sleep every

night this is it just paranoia to the

next day of getting back in that pool so

six months go by we have this medical

examination and they draw my blood and

they said you have sickle-cell sickle

cells a blood disease that some African

Americans have basically you know if

something happens in the stressful

situations stroke heart attack sudden

death this happened to a few African

Americans in the military so they pulled

me from training saying you can't do

this job and we when you live a very

stressed out life like I was living yeah

that's your norm mm-hmm so not sleeping

being scared

that was my norm mm-hmm I want gonna

quit but when they pull you out of

training and now I'm [ __ ] comfortable

so now I'm seeing my class of twenty

four guys it was like a hundred and

fifty now it's twenty four guys and

they're in the pool and I'm on the side

of the pool

I'm not in the water now I'm seeing what

I was doing

I'm seeing guys struggling panicking in

the water like what to quit I'm like

[ __ ] that Wow I'm not going so now I'm

comfortable and I'm able to see now I'm

not going back so now my big dhruv being

a pair of rescue men I'm now seeing that

do this mm-hmm I'm like I want to get

out the Air Force Wow I don't you

wouldn't be the [ __ ] military so this

what I'm saying is I'm hoping now that

this sickle-cell thing is gonna get me

kicked out of the military cuz I'm like

okay I'll go back in the [ __ ] I'm

done so I'm not getting happy cuz now

I'm like I won't quit they're gonna

medically drop me from the course this

is great and I can keep my head up I

learned how to read I learned how to

write I passed the ASVAB test but I'm

fixing everything on the surface I'm not

going into the [ __ ] dungeon mm-hmm so

the doc calls up I go back to the doctor

so I'm like skipping down there thinking

I'm getting out of here man medically

discharged he goes man you know what you

were doing good in your class and we

don't really know we don't know how you

got this far with this whatever so guess

what we could do we're gonna put you

back in the Train I'm like [ __ ] so but

I'm thinking now all you have about a

couple you know two and a half weeks

left a trainee come mr. week a week and

some change so going you're a great man

I have to suck

sup man I can do this so I'm trying to

motivate myself on the way back to my

seal my command officer Sartain Lumbergh

I get the something Lumbergh star number

looks at me since Goggins mass great

you're back in the training you got

start from day one because I'm not

critical poorest partial TRADOC I can't

miss that many days and I'm like but I

was a great liar and I was looking at a

hardcore man and tell him that I just

[ __ ] quit

mmm so I looked down and said hey you

know what Sarge man this this sickle

cell theme and the doc was talking about

sudden death stroke heart attack

I can get [ __ ] by sickle-cell but I

don't think about it I knew I was

struggling I knew had some some health

issues but I thought because I was

killing myself and while I was doing he

said know what you're right man I

wouldn't want to do that either

so he gave me a medical out of

pararescue and he said we when we figure

this out more where have you come back I

whatever going back like I never I'm

never getting back in the [ __ ] water

again but I was able to leave on a

medical bar I quit you quit

why do you admit it why do you why do

you tell this I have to because

everybody thinks I'm the world's

toughest [ __ ] right and I might

be somewhere about that now

mm-hmm but that's where I was

hmm and I tell the story because if I

just talked about

I broke the pull-up record I I did all

these [ __ ] races I went through still

travel with you I was in three hell

weeks Ranger School if I'll talk about

all the badassery like we like doing

social [ __ ] media mm-hmm and I don't

tell you that was a fucked-up kid and I

was scared of [ __ ] and I was depressed

and then secure and in all this [ __ ]

what good am I for anybody right I'm a

superhero

mmm-hmm I'm a liar mmm-hmm I'm that now

but I wasn't born that yeah I had to

make myself into this [ __ ] it's amazing

to me that this you know you won't

accept it this way but like this

military icon but not really like a

social icon to like when people aspire

to be tough and mentally tough I mean

there are UFC fighters that when they

win fights now quote you in their post

conference interviews you I don't even

know if you know

that or not but like I watched it

they're like Goggin says you know

usually you know so that guy kind of

bullshit's his way out of the military

right like that's that's staggering and

then that guy if you don't want me to

jump in the head a little bit

then that guy ends up kind of living in

an apartment gains a ton of weight gets

up to almost 300 pounds killing

cockroaches as an exterminator this is

just crazy where we're gonna go right

now

so and then what we're gonna go after

that's even more bananas but go ahead

jump back so it's funny that though so I

got a pair of rescue so I go to a job

called tak P just real quick about that

if your great [ __ ] job with the best

jobs in the military but I'm all poopy

past now I'm not a rescue me something

attacked peace some weak ass

[ __ ] three tag P right del Toro

is one of the best [ __ ] jobs in the

world but my mind once again has me

shackled not thinking I'm not a pair of

rescue me so I'm like you know I'm tank

P was a great job I had great friends in

it and I did it pretty well hmm but I

could have been so much better

my mind was once again hijacking me so I

get out in but from from the time from

1994 to 1999 or 1998 I go from 175

pounds to 297 not much education and

four and a half years in military starts

praying for cockroaches and uh making

$1,000 a month and I've had eight

hundred and $10 a partner so I'm

scrounging dude and so my life is hard

mm-hmm and but [ __ ] it I'm spraying for

cockroaches for limb o'clock at night

seven o'clock in the morning and that's

my life but once again man you can't lie

to yourself mm-hmm

I can lie to you and I can about

everybody else and I was great at it the

buddy every [ __ ] day in that dirty

mirror that accountability mirror was no

more he [ __ ] out a kind of billion

murder that's just [ __ ] shave my head

and go to work but I saw my reflection

every day but I really didn't know how

fat I was I didn't even look at myself

yeah but I was haunted these demons were

in my head every day man you ain't [ __ ]

man God dog and you wear this [ __ ]

uniform you getting your [ __ ] Ecolab

truck you gonna spray for cockroaches

you [ __ ] go in the kitchens you eat

your [ __ ] brownies and [ __ ] in the

back kitchen you make shakes and [ __ ]

while you're in there man it's like [ __ ]

man so I come home and I never forget it

I should spray down staking shake my

last stop at about 6:30 at night or six

during the morning that's when I was

taking shake and they had this big large

shake they they gave me a special cup

and they just dumped the [ __ ]

chocolate milkshake in there and I go

across street to 7-eleven out of

45-minute commute home and I would be

and I go over to 7-eleven and get these

chocolate doughnuts like the mini

hostess doughnuts

now it's popping them like [ __ ] tic

tacs it's like I eat it I just [ __ ]

pop it boom this [ __ ] this be driving

listen to radio popping them like tic

tacs drinking the shake so there's so by

the time I got home that box that

darkness was gone

my mom looked about two miles down the

road cuz she moved teen apples Indiana

now so what would happen is this so I

would eat that and my routine was this

[ __ ] you not my breakfast was not that

mine that was my snack for my 45-mile my

mom and this is no [ __ ] [ __ ] my

breakfast no this [ __ ] Pillsbury

cinnamon rolls here you got the five we

got the eight yeah I had the eight so

you had the eight she baked that [ __ ]

and then it was seven to eight scrambled

eggs hard and half a pound of bacon

well-done and I would chase that

[ __ ] down with fruity pebbles

two balls or fruit Lee something sugary

that was my breakfast after the [ __ ]

doughnuts and the shank so this day

though I get home call my mom up on the

phone she goes you watch your staple I'm

like hell yeah my [ __ ] steak you know

that's not talked my mom you know me my

mom killer some fucked-up [ __ ] yeah who

I meant why you customers can my life

wasn't easy sure something I said is it

should record of right so my mom cusses

at me because my mother a great

relationship

okay Greg come over and so at this time

my routine was to come home turn the TV

on listen to the TV like blare it cuz I

clearly I had this big living room and

my shower was like back down the hallway

so I turn the TV on like blurry TV and

kind of like

listen to living as a shower I'm hearing

Navy SEAL heard about him knew about him

but now I want to come out and see the

[ __ ] top I cover world's toughest so

I come on and watch this documentary I

come out I better see I have my towel

and had my shake down on the under kind

of heavens a little [ __ ] TV in his

shoes she was living rooms I'm gonna TV

I'm leaning forward and I'm watching

this [ __ ] and it pretty much goes

through first base second phase and

third phase but they concentrate on Hill

week but all I saw was the Pacific Ocean

right watering it dude I saw nothing but

water more water than pair rescue and

these guys are like going from this big

class - this wasn't quitting and I see

nothing but this jackhammering guys it's

not bubbles and just rolling around

sugar cookies in on the surf and carries

boats and laws I'm like [ __ ] that [ __ ]

looks evil but guys as they quit I saw

like their soul leaving their bodies I'm

awesome on screen because this look came

over and I imagined I remember myself

back in Paris teachers I bet that's how

I [ __ ] looked in front of that

[ __ ] star Lumbergh and I bet he could

see in my eyes that I was basically

quitting he knew I was quitting he just

gave me a medical I'm a [ __ ] knew it

as a manly pay another man you know

where the man's done and I'm like sorry

I I thought about son I said I said I

[ __ ] knew I was quick dude he's

didn't he saved me and it won't tell me

I was being ruined because I could look

at somebody now it's okay dude you're

good but I know you're quitting makes

your [ __ ] knee or your back or

whatever you're quitting he saw that in

me and I said [ __ ] man so now

I'm watching these guys go through

training and it goes down to 22 guys

were left and it was amazing how it

ended because these words I don't know

him exactly but it's in my book exactly

and this commanding officers at

graduation and he's 22 guys graduate

buds SEAL training and his commanding

officers and just whites

he's up there some most skinny [ __ ]

commander [ __ ] him but you could tell

he's been through the [ __ ]

salty looking [ __ ]

he's looking hard and this in his speech

was amazing he goes we live in a society

where mediocrity is often rewarded he

looked down at the 22 men and he says

something about basically you all detest

mediocrity and he goes on to talk about

this mediocrity and [ __ ] and I just sat

back and I said god man I just want to

be like these [ __ ] I want to

feel good now I was projecting myself in

those chairs

I wanted how can how do y'all feel hmm

like right now yeah now I want to feel

like you do you you 22min I want to feel

like that man I said I'm tired of

feeling the way I feel every day I'm

tired of how I feel tired of lying and

myself lying to people and this being

some piece of [ __ ] and I always knew in

the back of my mind I could be something

special

yes but I knew the work it was gonna

take was gonna kill me I was afraid of

that

I was afraid of the brutality in the

suffering I was gonna have to endure but

I knew I knew I could do something

mm-hmm but I'm like I ain't tryin to do

that kind of work man you must not try

to do this so I chose the path of the

easy of least resistance so now my ideas

it became so haunting and daunting on me

myself okay that's it I'm done

mm-hmm I'm [ __ ] done and I thought I

fixed myself in the accountability

mirror when my mom put the letter down

on the bed ya know so now at this point

I actually Drive back to Buffalo New

York to see my dad haven't seen him in

years I've not heard this party no one

knows about this I didn't put this in

the book even so because before I

started this journey to be a Navy SEAL I

go back to see my dad because I realize

now I gotta fix some [ __ ] I'm blaming

everything I got going back know how a

lot of times like if you're a runner

you're your right knee may hurt but not

you right knee that hurts is where you

left hit

yes but we're confident on the right

knee I'm concentrating all my [ __ ] but I

need to go back to the root of the

problem which is my dad I got faced a

demon I got to go back and see what made

him so [ __ ] up to make me so [ __ ] that

why am I [ __ ] up mm-hmm

so I go back and I and I go back

as an older man now I'm in my 20s I'm

not a kid anymore and I want to see this

man and face him as a as a as a grown

man but still as a kid in my head I'm

still a kid I was a grown man as my age

and went back and I realized he was the

same man that he was still same still

the same and I talked to him he was

still nuts and bad to go back and face

that one more time but to face it in a

different way how'd you do it different

I looked at him in a way we never said

sorry to one another and he went off on

my mom and my grandparents and all kind

of [ __ ] but looked at in a way that I

realized now why you [ __ ] us up

I had to almost be him to realize it's

okay brother it's okay cuz I realize

that somewhere on your [ __ ] life

something [ __ ] you up and you didn't

deal with it and so you put that [ __ ] on

me my mom and everybody around you I'm

gonna deal with my [ __ ] so even though

you gave me all this [ __ ] you you gave

me a satchel of [ __ ] that I didn't

deserve and I'm all [ __ ] up and people

think I'm a [ __ ] liar and I'm all

[ __ ] up you gave me this you created

this [ __ ] nightmare of Goggins hmm

I'm gonna fix it though so now I get it

I look at this one say in my head and my

favorite thing you've ever said right

now but I love all of it but that's my

favorite thing I've never heard that I

want to fix it now so I must take it I

take all this [ __ ] it's mine I'm gonna

fix all this [ __ ] I don't know to fix

[ __ ] people want to find peace

immediately and this is where people

don't like me I don't believe that [ __ ]

mmm-hmm you can find it through [ __ ]

yoga and all sort of [ __ ] I

stretched out a lot and I believe in

yoga you're always great but you ain't

gonna find it in some [ __ ] room

mm-hmm

you're gonna find peace from going to

war with yourself can we all got [ __ ]

we all got [ __ ] people look at me the

reason why my story resonates in people

because I don't hide I'll tell you

exactly the [ __ ] I am I would've meant

to it people are great at hiding mm-hmm

so they wanted us find peace no you got

you got to take your [ __ ] fix mirrors

[ __ ] up in you don't just shove it on

the rug fix it and then you'll find some

peace

later after you fixed some [ __ ] so now

I'm realizing this I go home several

months go by and now I'm like okay here

we guard it's time to be a Navy SEAL I

start calling these [ __ ] recruiters

man and when you two are nine seven

pounds and you have prior serviceman

recruiters laugh at your ass dude right

and you're not you're not twenty-two

years old before right and so I'm fat

I'm out of shape and I know this and so

I found it after two weeks of karma

cruise I found this kind of Steven Sal

Joe and Steve and Sal Joe says come on

in the office

mm-hmm I walk in the office he looks at

me and he's the first recruit I say you

know what am your big [ __ ] dude man

he won't be a seal I said yeah but he

didn't give me the look of like you

can't do it

he gave me looking let's go away yet he

waved me to 97 he went through his

little chart started writing all this

[ __ ] down and he said uh you got a lofty

lofty task ahead of you

you know why he goes well this program

that I was trying to get into college I

was in the reserves and I was gonna go

from the Reserve Program to an active

duty steel so this program was shutting

down mm-hm

and I was gonna be in the last class

like one or two classes left before I

shut down so I had about three months to

get the wait stick a hundred pounds of

306 pounds so the standard for a six

foot one person back then six foot six

foot when I forget was it was 191 okay

and I was 297 so I pretty much said [ __ ]

this this pretty much can't work for me

man this is impossible so go back to

work spraying for cockroach and hit the

motherlode like I [ __ ] I I hit the

mother lode of cockroaches rodents and

everything and I go out to the to the

dumpster and these animals I was like

[ __ ] I got done mmm

so I quit my job right then actually the

boss had to come to my I quit

the boss had to come looking for me to

get the truck back I left work so he

gonna come to my house

okay how do you just go to work again so

all these restaurants I had the keys to

mall the [ __ ] alarm codes all the

keys were in the [ __ ] truck they like

he had to come by and locking my door

and say but but he brought some friends

and Kaltura nice and passive right big

dude I need something right

later dude I'm out and so I had now

started my journey and so now like I'm

losing the [ __ ] weight but my first

run was four miles that's what you had

to run that day on your plan that's my

plan

as I'm driving the truck back home from

quitting my job

I'm literally I Drive home I get my

shoes on and I run a quarter mile come

home crying

you stopped after quarter-mile yeah walk

back home because I was exhausted okay

you're still I'm running like years

you're sucking down yeah

I'm Rebecca knows 175 yeah run was easy

I was where the fasteners in class but

now it's just hard man fat I'm on a

shape and I was just defeated cuz now I

was 175 I wasn't good shape and I got

myself into a bigger hole now yeah and

now I have to now I gotta lose this way

and I got think the ads that begin to

get in the Navy so I gotta take that

flush I took that [ __ ] two more times

because the first time I passed it but I

had to get a fifty on mechanical

comprehend so there's like ten different

sets had to get a fifty

I got a 44 you're going to get a waiver

for five points also I had to take it

again and guess what happened it's in

the book really well is that what

happened I take the ASVAB test and I

took it and now they have computers back

when I took it the first time it's like

all like scantron [ __ ] yeah so now I see

a computer so now I'm freaking out oh my

gosh on the computer so I take it and

the sergeant in charge of the ASVAB test

isn't supposed to tell you what you got

so I take it for my second time in my

last time they're like let me take it

again so I'm now down to 215 pounds I'm

losing the weight but not take that test

for the second time to get the navy as I

leave I get out to my car and I'm like

this is my life now I got fun

test kit takes two days to get the

results back but they get them

immediately

once once you gets in that that guy gets

it right there so I'm like [ __ ] that man

I go back in I go hey man can you please

mm-hmm yes man this is [ __ ] military

protocol I'm not breaking it for you I'm

like people are still taking the [ __ ]

test I'm like crying

my man you understand what I've been

through my like this is my life

please I'm begging this guy please let

me know what I got so he scrolls through

and sees David guys you got 65

I'll go great I don't care about that

canticle thousand overall score I'm

going would I get a mechanical he goes

you're asking a lot for me man I go

please man like I have to get a 50 on

mechanical he Scrolls over I got exactly

a 50 uh have you seen The Pursuit of

Happyness

how's that [ __ ] when he runs the

stairs he gets a job and like like your

hair stands on the back your neck is he

worked so hard to get the [ __ ] when I

left that as Bab and it's nighttime and

get in my car it felt like that did it

something came out it felt I truly a cop

you know I passed it before but now I

know I'm all in that's good for me to

hear for people to hear cuz I have a

hard time picturing you celebrating

anything and so that's good to hear that

something that of all the things you've

accomplished you celebrated that it was

funny mmm I haven't celebrated since

then because I needed that to start the

war without that the celebration was I

can start the war now it wasn't that I

won the war I can start my war that's

what made me so I've been celebrated

since I'm always in that battle yeah I

have peace about in this battle every

[ __ ] day

so I got 250 I can start war now I'm

down to 215 I have about another month

to go or whatever it is to [ __ ] lose

the weight I dropped the weight I'm in

SEAL training now

the war now can begin well and it does

and the war begins but I gotta tell you

it has to be a movie because I'm

listening to you it has to be a movie

like the book by the way the book

everybody you have to get the book ok

you I'm telling you I read it in a day

and but now hearing you live and hearing

some of the things that weren't in there

it's moving to me because now then this

is just the very beginning of the war

too so so this man loses chapter 3 right

now yeah this guy sucks down steak Shack

shakes and doughnuts and fruity pebbles

or whatever the hell it was and all the

stuff mom's making you it's amazing - I

think a little lesson in there

David is you had all these times where

you thought now I've changed and that's

important for people to hear - cuz I've

had that - okay now I got it now I'm on

it now and even seeing your dad even the

dad thing that was a breakthrough but

then even after that it was like it took

the damn frickin cockroaches and rodents

to flip you and then even after that you

run the quarter mile come home crying to

yourself

right so it's all these things like I

think every one things like they're just

gonna be this defining moment period

where everything changes that's the

movie that's and that's the move and

it's not real was it I've never had I've

had moments but it's never been like

that was it and I've never been the same

again this is life yeah and that's what

I talk about man like like life is not a

movie

mmm it's not a movie where you have one

breakthrough and like you just taking

off mm-hm no man didn't even do a hell

week three times yeah so why how that

happened was once again this is where

the war really began okay so now I'm in

still training and I'm like almost in

all because I'm like my god I'm around

the baddest mental planet from what I

thought back then but once you are able

to get in the doors you realize who this

[ __ ] men and that's what I realized

okay this is good for me to see man

they're [ __ ] like me hmm I had to

work a little hard to get here but now

that I'm on the same plane for the same

let's [ __ ] go to war guys

so how it happened was there was a guy

there at that the command officer of

buzz was captain Bowen he was an old

crusty Vietnam vet and he had a

different way of doing [ __ ] and

basically no matter where you're at in

training if you failed something he was

gonna roll you back to day one week one

we had guys who were two weeks from

graduation six-month program that got

rolled back to day one week one they

didn't have to go through hell week

again but they got rolled back to phase

one day one a phase one but not but but

this kids hell week for me I got rolled

back in first phase three times first

phase where Hovick is at and how it

happened was since I was a reservist

that also [ __ ] me okay so I had that

double [ __ ] on my ass

so basically hell week was I think the

third or fourth week when I was going

through and it starts on Sunday ends on

Friday I get there and I had [ __ ] ups

transplants stress fractures double

pneumonia so I get rolled back to day

one week one and I got start hell week

again I didn't complete that hell week

so now I get to my second class they one

week when I'm going through I get

through hell week happiest [ __ ] but when

I was in hell week I actually broke my

kneecap now I'm thinking I'm not getting

rolled again dude

and I really talk about this really good

in the book but I was going through the

highlights here so I'm toughing it out

like I'm not gay I'm gonna go through

buds with the [ __ ] broken knee and my

stress fractures are all [ __ ] fire

mm-hmm but I'm going through so now I

have to do this we had this knot tying

test after after hell week and you got

tread water and when your tread with the

broken kneecap and I'm negative buoyant

so I'm using everything to stay up yeah

go down and tie your knots my kneecap is

going in and out and I'm like [ __ ]

Sony I'll talk about this in the book so

now I'm up on the pool deck and I talked

about it good whatever but here we are

now I realize now I can't get to this

like my knee now from that pool session

is like [ __ ] a basketball

so I realized I go back they x-ray and

say look man your says done your patella

is done so I now go in to captain Bowen

and I don't wanna get rolled again and

captain Bowen looks at me and says

basically we're gonna let you come back

captain Bowen and another guy they said

other guy that I don't even mention

coming once we're missing them if it

wasn't for this guy I won't miss I

wouldn't miss his name so bad you know

I'm talking about I want to miss his

name so bad he actually talked to him a

couple months ago this is a guy that

made this happen he broke rules I

believe to make this happen okay

God wasn't supposed to come back for a

third time like this is like inhumane in

one year going another hell week so I'm

sitting in front of captain Bowen and

Kathryn bones I look man we're good let

you come back in class 2:35 this class

231 with a broken kneecap look it up man

like you don't that's not a lot of time

I'm thinking so this was in May I

classed up again in January I have

stress fractures stress fractures don't

heal that quick man especially when you

beat him up so I have that much time to

heal and that's it my last time to go

through the Navy SEAL training so I come

back and I'm now on my third hell we had

a guy dying my third hell week from

pulmonary edema as you know San Diego

gets [ __ ] cold especially in February

March that water temperature the Pacific

is never warm in a dying so I get to

it's a week helic ended on Thursday

morning because he died okay so in about

30 hours early but what happened with me

was as I said help me starts on Sunday

usually you don't swell up until about

Wednesday my body said oh [ __ ] man we're

back hmm

on Monday 24 hours into it man I'm the

Pillsbury Doughboy my stress fractures

my I'm blown up so I'm going through

hell week like [ __ ] done but I'm like

I can't quit it's my last time going

through I can't get rolled so I get

through hell week and this is where the

[ __ ] gets [ __ ] evil man this is where

I start to click into something we

you when your mind this is just this

whole forty percent rule [ __ ] I talk

about all the time then I made up a long

time ago now I started making it up

through pain tell what that is what you

go so basically the 40% rule is I am a

strong believer that we quick is why how

the [ __ ] does a 297 pounds guy right who

quit on everything is now considered

when the bass man of the planet how is

that possible it means I had to change

one thing my mindset yeah so there's no

way in hell that that was in but that

was that guy was in the mmm-hmm well

that God came down here and said hey

guess what man

you're a fat ass but I will now make you

a badass I want a miracle this [ __ ] to

be a badass no it was in me I had you

believe to make that belief work and you

hard work I did that mmm

so the 40% rule was like we have a like

a car some cars have a governor on it

and when you gets like 92 miles an hour

that car start doing this because you

can't go any faster here those cars that

don't have governors are like it's like

a fast ass whatever course whatever I'm

gonna [ __ ] bury it gone we have that

ability this but we have put this

governor on our minds and you have to

the factory that put the governor on

that car the factories now you that put

this shutting your [ __ ] mind you

gotta take that [ __ ] off until

you take it off you're gonna constantly

get to 92 miles an hour and do this

because you grow faster in my fight you

might even go slower so basically I

started realizing this through my life

through going through all these times so

now I get to hell week we ended like 30

hours early and now we're in walk week

after you get through a week you have

walk week and walk week is when you do

basically this walking around to heal up

your body and I walk week in the early

because the instructors were pissed off

a guy dies but there's trucks are mad

that we didn't finish it okay he'll be

but I already had a complete hell week

already of course teller I don't do one

already so now I'm sitting thinking man

I went through [ __ ] one half of these

not have like two and a half these

[ __ ] and now I'm getting my ass

kicked because now they're struck as a

man to our class and they're complete of

four

week and like through like getting the

pass they said Roger that they should

walk week down on like Tuesday so

everybody that was injured because the

helmet was very different than most of

them they had us on her feet the whole

time rucking do nothing but rocking in

and out of water it was brutal

so it was a much harder hitting the

other ones I was innocent so anyway my

legs are broken I'm saying how the [ __ ]

now there's no walk week I can't heal so

my idea was this I'm going to leave my

house early Kyle it off base and I left

early I got to my dive cage where we had

duct tape so I put my black sock on

about 4 o'clock in the morning put a

black sock on and ideals I got duct tape

so you know whenever you move your ankle

and it causes your shin to hurt if you

have any issue up here so what I did was

I casted with duct tape so I put the

duct tape over the sock and so that sort

of sock kind of protected it to give a

little cushion I duct taping as tight as

I could and right here at the pivot

point it created a huge pressure ulcer

because your ankle still wants to move

so that tape would just dig in there so

I did that every single day because my

stress fractures were just killing me so

I ran pretty much for the first 45

minutes and most excruciating pain on

life and so but basically it to 45

minutes my legs would go numb it when

they go numb you don't feel this [ __ ]

anymore so I wouldn't do buds like this

so now the fucked-up thing about my gosh

as I get the third phase and for some

reason man I healed my stress fractures

and I took this day I haven't had him

ever since but I literally from running

and I'm not saying don't do this mm-hm

but people go how'd you get through it

by the time I got the third phase which

is like maybe three and a half months

later when I wasn't a third phase my

stress fractures were healing that's

crazy

and I ran on him if he was saying was

the shin splints no muffler I had x-rays

mm-hm they were breaks in my legs

so as I'm not saying do that yeah but

because it's very painful well most

people are willing to go to a point

where they get their body to the point

where it gets numb right did you were

people say why did you do that is either

that or not become a Navy SEAL do you

think can I ask you a question about

Navy SEALs I'm just curious keep into

three whole weeks which is as you hear

this it's just it's bananas do you do

you know do you have any insight what

the difference is for someone who

finishes and doesn't because I heard you

say I respect guys who didn't finish it

- right so is there some separators that

your blood just go away when the pain

happens or what is it there's only one

separated man and in anybody not just

Navy says but anybody that can

accomplish anything that is hard the

other separator is is that they really

want to be there there's some people

that get inspired and that inspiration

moves them to try to do something but

the inspiration is very high right now

in this nice environment we're in a nice

environment the oceans out there I'm

talking to you if I want to go to the

[ __ ] refrigerator and get something

to drink eat I can i watch the movie

about some badasses you're inspired but

the second you're not in this

environment mm-hmm and you're actually

doing what inspired you that suck factor

is not real you can't just get off your

[ __ ] couch and get a [ __ ] shake or

get a [ __ ] box of doughnuts or turn

the TV or go take a [ __ ] or piss or go

go get your girlfriend a cup numb your

now there and only those people who have

been there a million times in their

minds and have lived in that water and

have suffered a million times and

realized my legs may break my knee may

break my bones will hurt I will be the

coldest I've been in my life I will be

miserable and accept that because what

happens is we when you get in a horrible

situation in life your mind I caught my

one second decision you can have up a

situation in life your mind in melee

says get the [ __ ] out of here everybody

does even

you want to be there but it starts to

have all these different questions in

your mind that one second it says okay

why are you here why are you doing why

this why that and then you start to say

yourself if you don't want to be there

that bad not a beautiful wife at home

and why the [ __ ] am i doing this many

like this is stupid this is go get these

guys injured like like they're gonna pay

for this for the rest of their lives I'm

not gonna break my body up to do this

your mind starts to say yeah this is

stupid

mm-hmm but if you have if you are

already knowing that this is gonna

happen to you you have all the answers

to these questions that your mind starts

to give you when you're in Suffern mode

yeah and that's what I realize you true

that's your visualization of those

moments over and over over and over

again you have to be there over but not

there at the graduation okay you gotta

be there in the worst and the suffering

that you know over and over again you

gotta live that in your mind

do you like suffering or do you just

deal with suffering real answer no

answer yeah I like to see real answer I

like to get a bunch of men together okay

men mm-hmm that are the hardest of the

hard mm-hmm and I want to be with these

men and I want to see them suffer

because I'm suffering right along with

you but I want to see me get through it

I want to see what you're made of

I want to see like almost like the

Coliseum mm-hmm in Rome mm-hmm

let's [ __ ] go to the [ __ ]

Colosseum and the only way to see who

the baddest [ __ ] is is to suffer

you can't do it by writing the paper so

let's go because why would I found out

through my life was I thought of myself

as some weak little [ __ ] kid and when I

found out in the only message I'm gonna

get across to people is once you change

one thing your mindset you can attack

everything and I find it fascinating

I'm fascinated because I'll be in these

moments I put these guys on some [ __ ]

pedestal yeah which Peale do with you

they do with me and they sure

and I was this guy who was a piece of

[ __ ] look at this guy got how are you

guys it's amazing but once I worked my

way up there I said my god man we can

all compete [ __ ] mmm let's go so

do I like suffering I like suffering in

the way that is competitive yeah that

brings out the absolute best in me and

in everybody else

mm-hmm so like I want to see a man be

defeated I want to see a man get broken

and say [ __ ] you I love these men mm-hmm

these men I love but there's very few of

them mm-hmm there's very few of them and

there's very few that are willing to go

there more than once

mm-hmm a lot of people even people

who've gone through Special Ops mm-hmm

it kicks the [ __ ] out of them to a point

we're in their mind what got me bad and

pararescue was when I was going through

it I said only go do this one time and

so many people in Special Ops where they

believe it or not in anything

[ __ ] special ops anything that's hard

I'm only doing this one time mm-hmm once

you say that you [ __ ] yourself the

truth I got to tell you off camera you

and I are talking about something now

we're gonna go to something cool okay

well we've been in something cool but

like I work with a lot of athletes and I

get out of their career they made this

massive sacrifice all their life to get

to the NFL they make that thing happen

they're only willing to do it once right

and when that's over their identities

set on that thing forever and they just

repeat the stories from that time over

and old right and I watch them have such

a difficult second half of their life I

try to help them with that I've watched

it with my business people and you and I

were talking off-camera so I've started

to uncover with me the last couple years

that I've been on social media and

teaching these things and if you gave me

that mirror test the last couple years

right that accountability mirror when I

look in it I'm starting to look at a

dude who used to do some crazy [ __ ] that

was cool

in his life really accomplished some

things and all these accolades people

follow you they listen to you they

they think you something special you

have that I have that clearly the

differences in our lives are too vast to

even mention what you've achieved the

things you've overcome are completely

different than mine but I'm starting to

realize something about myself that I

want to give the audience a gift of and

I want you to talk about it you know

what I've just accepted I'm only gonna

be happy when I'm grinding for something

so I'm only gonna be happy when I'm

growing I don't want to talk about stuff

I used to do mm-hmm I I want to do

something great with my life I don't

know that I can get to the mental level

you have but I think everybody here

needs to know something if you just

think you're gonna do something

temporarily once man you're gonna be

unhappy when it's over right how about

you right now when you look in the

mirror right now so Goggins looks in the

accounting Miller mirror today

what does he see and what are your

thoughts about that so say with you

mm-hmm what happened with me was like so

who I was I was just nobody guy mm-hmm

and I created this Goggins mm-hmm and

that Goggins there's David Goggin

Xander's Goggins David Goggins is a calm

cool guy that sits back used to be a you

know weak kid now he's just a normal guy

Goggins is a guy that is willing to tape

up his legs to go after it in that book

you read about David Goggins and also

Goggins what I realized in my life is

that Goggins is who I love Goggins is

who I created my dad created David

Goggins I created Goggins so what's

happening with me and since can't hurt

me came out and since I got on social

media listening don't like social me was

when I'm not on there very much was I

give people one time I have to do me

mm-hmm I have to do me so people get it

[ __ ] twisted man I am Who I am yeah

was in that book is me so now what they

see is this guy who's trying to get

people to get off their [ __ ] ass that

just happened to happen

mmm-hmm I didn't sit out when I sent out

to be a [ __ ] seal and set out to go

to Ranger School and all this or should

I did and break records I didn't set out

to [ __ ] please [ __ ] right

I didn't set out to say hey pay me now I

got a great [ __ ] story mm-hmm

[ __ ] that mm-hmm and I realize now that

my life has kind of gotten to a point

where people know me how followers and

whatnot the biggest depression of my

life is you get caught up in to helping

so many people out and it's great and I

love that but you lose yourself in all

of that [ __ ] it literally and people go

man butBut my count like you're changing

I get all that [ __ ] man but what the

[ __ ] is motivating you in that book

what's motivating you as the [ __ ]

stories I'm telling you about what I did

in my life once I stopped living that

I'm no more yes I am NOT the [ __ ] that

you are now being motivated from so

right now in the mirror I now got back

to Goggins mm-hmm I'm now back to

running 100 miles a week I'm not back to

getting the [ __ ] I saw and I talked

to my girl about all the time you you

travel you speak you you know you eat

all this [ __ ] me it's all [ __ ] great

and dandy for some for most people I'm

Goggins but what makes me me is the

dungeon and yeah and people that walk oh

my god they they're good here's my god

did you don't have any peace Neela don't

get it [ __ ] twisted weak people who

hear me get all [ __ ] poopypants about

how I talk so be it

what changed me was I had to be hard on

myself yep and I have to continue to

grind myself into a fine dust period

that's where I feel good like I

accomplished something and things come

easy it's not fun I must fail at

something repeatedly it has to haunt me

and then once I complete it I [ __ ] I

accomplished something here I don't want

to set out and say oh there's an a we're

good

just [ __ ] stupid no I want to turn

into me

calmness that you fail you fail that's

okay Roger that mm-hmm and sit there and

analyze what I'm doing wrong go to these

places that people don't go to anymore

because all this [ __ ] social media

[ __ ] and everything is computerized I

want to go to that dark place my mind so

okay how are we gonna get this done

I think people the right people are

happy when they're challenged by

something like when they're pursuing

something when they're challenged like

when there's when they're not where they

could be right where they're when

they're not who they could be

and you and I were talking of this

off-camera it's like I just want

everybody to understand this is this is

from two people who are sort of in the

space we love helping but we love making

a difference but what makes us make a

difference is the is the the pursuit of

who we've been becoming these challenges

you and in all the different ways you

have anime in my way and in millions of

people in their way to like I don't want

people think I just want to get to a

place and cool it because we you get to

that place and cool it I think you're

gonna be miserable you've got to still

find somewhere and I want to kind of go

in your head a little bit because I've

not lived this a very few people have

lived this it I want to take you back

there for a minute and then at the end I

want to ask you what that thing looks

like next for you but so this whole

thing that you did you get out where I

can't come over the whole military thing

cuz I want them to read the book right

but then you're like hey you really

never done any of this before but this

is sort of the formula what we're

talking about then then the military

thing ends and then you like yeah I'm

gonna go like run I'm gonna do the bad

water 135 my cardio was 20 minutes every

Sunday on the elliptical trainer okay

now is it so I'm looking all these

different races and one comes up number

one the hardest race in the world bad

water 135 hundred thirty-five mile race

through Death Valley I'm like that

sounds [ __ ] nice but I did but it

didn't describe that it was a like a

couple day race I'm thinking okay that

has to be like a [ __ ] seven day race

because I don't know people run like

that so I end up calling Chris Kaufman

up Chris Collins the race director of

bad water and he lives out here in

California he's like hey man I'm like

hey Chris I called him up in the first

conversation I actually have all the

emails in my book yeah for me I'm going

back he's a

[ __ ] stickler Manitou tell you that

so I call my PI said hey man we'll do

this race it's like have you ever run a

hundred miles before I'm like no he was

going to get my race you have to do

100-mile race and you gotta do 100 miles

in 24 hours or less there's only two

more races I could do before the

deadline dropped and so I'm like he goes

you live in San Diego right I'm like

yeah this was Wednesday I call him up on

a Wednesday morning he goes well there's

a race on Saturday mm-hmm and it's a

it's called the San Diego one day at

hospitality point in San Diego where you

run around a one-mile track for 24 hours

and semi miles you can get so much

[ __ ] mess guys kind of calling me out

I'm gonna get this [ __ ] done I'm a seal

I'm the badass been through Ranger

School and [ __ ] I got this hardest thing

I did my entire life dude was this one

race so I go harder than getting through

hell yeah I was not prepared okay at all

so I go I sign up for the race I show up

I'm this big bodybuilder looking guy

shirt off black hat on you know and I'm

I set out so every mile

unless he's blue lawn chair I had rich

crackers in my out flicks that was my

[ __ ] nutrition man no water no not

just like my old water no I'm on I [ __ ]

you know I never drink water on runs and

[ __ ] I [ __ ] didn't know about all

this [ __ ] so I go out there I'm running

I get through 50 miles I'm gonna cut to

the chase cuz I did kill it really well

my book I get going I sit down at Mile

70 and buddy I haven't sat down yet I

sit down and everything falls the [ __ ]

apart literally man I'm like peeing

blood down my leg I have some crap

coming out of me and I got thirty

[ __ ] miles to go and I'm in the worst

shape in my entire life and so I won't

get too deep into it man but I ended up

going back through my cookie jar and I

talked about you know about my cookie

jars Basie something I invented about we

forget how badass

we are when we're suffering because our

mind it stays right there and suffering

the cookie jars a reminder hmm you know

how your mom needs to have the cookie

jar you know you know what cookie gonna

get but it may be over raised and maybe

chocolate chocolate chip me because you

know she's done something that

motherfucker's grab one and go

so my cookie jars the things I've

accomplished they all that didn't fail

that just just kept on grinding through

so I take this one second I calm down so

I realized okay man I got to be able to

just stand up first come all dizzy and

lightheaded now go through this process

and I said I might quit but not yet yeah

I'll go this is worth saving life so I

said I might quit because when you're

not gonna quit something he had 30 miles

to go your mind spasm like I'm [ __ ] up

like I like 30 miles a long way to go

just fresh mm-hmm

I've already gone 70 I'm a more set in

my life I'm like okay so I'm giving my

mind some space because if you don't

give it space it's just gonna freak out

some like you know I'm gonna quit but

let me just sit here for a second and

drink some water now now I'm drinking

water I have my crew going over to get

some [ __ ] you know nutrition so we

need some food for me I'm getting better

so now I stand up like wow maybe we

stand up now because I wasn't able to I

was all lightheaded then I'm gonna love

this track and I get tomorrow 81 and I

wasn't gonna make the time to I was

moving slow behind time way behind and

this is a this is a craziest thing in

the world and I [ __ ] [ __ ] you not I'm

in the worst shape my entire life ever

I've never even been close to this again

never mount a t1 I'm not gonna make the

time as long as I was moving and when

your body in mind connect I think this

is the only time I've ever done this

okay you become a cyborg hmm I end up

running 20 miles at about a 10 15 mile

and get done with that race I did 100

miles in 19 hours and six minutes and to

this day and I don't and I will detail

it well with you but in the book I do I

learned more from that 19

hours and six minutes didn't I did in

all three Hill weeks Ranger School and

this is months Ranger School was sixty

something days hell week and in all the

buds is six months I was in I was in

bust for like 18 months mmm

you know I went to Delta for selection

twice you know pull-up breakers I'll

learn more in that one race that I

wasn't prepared for that 19 hours

brought me from utter misery happiness

failure success depression I went to

every [ __ ] emotion in the world in

nineteen hours you should hear how the

race ended mmm then I really took a [ __ ]

on my cell like I got in that blue chair

in the race ended and I literally it

just was over I was in the worst shape

of my life I got in the tub and they put

the shower or she put the shower on me

the showers hit me as I'm laying in the

tub in the fetal position and what came

out of me looked like dirt as I'm penis

it's not even blood this is dark brown

dirt and I'm sitting there and my she

calls my mom and my mom has a doctor

friend over her house and this guy's

when the best doctors in the country and

he's like unique came to the doctor now

so I'm about to tell you he's gonna [ __ ]

you up so I'm sitting there and I think

I'm I think I'm gonna die and we're

sitting my life and I'm in this tub and

I'm jackhammering in this in and this

hot water hitting me and I'm literally

in the worst pain my shins my feet I'm

broken and I'm gonna sitting I'm

cramping up and she said we get to the

doctor you know your mom's worried I'm

worried about like the the I even never

since for my life and I go I'm not going

anywhere I want to sit here and enjoy

this pain and and I and I know the

listeners here in this gonna say man

you're a [ __ ] nut no I'm not when I

got a chance to experience in that 19

hours and six minutes of my life

was something I didn't want any

painkillers I this was proof positive

what I was feeling is what I just did I

I did something without training without

coaching without a cheering staff

without any knowledge

I took a raw human being with no

training whatsoever put him out in the

condition and just through this alone

mmm got through it

and I sat there and I was like this is

it was the best feeling I've ever had

and will ever have in my entire I was in

the worst pain in my life it was the

best feeling I ever had in my life not

because the pain I was in by the pain

was confirmation of my god

did I just do that and I had completed

hell we said but that right there was

like don't take this from me man and and

it was confirmation proof positive that

this young kid that came from [ __ ] that

wasn't [ __ ] that lied and cheated for I

was now the truth god I was now the

truth I was a Navy SEAL I went to Army

Ranger school as honor man I went

through all this [ __ ] I I was truth hmm

I became truth there was no more lie and

was funny about all that it is the

people in my life who were in my life

when I was bad and I called it that

wasn't bad mm-hmm

I had a [ __ ] up way to go man they

wanna they're still out there and it was

a [ __ ] I'm saying I need to drop names

on them they want to take me back there

they're mad that I'm here yes then

wouldn't still make me out to be what I

was

they don't like the fact that there's

still where the [ __ ] they're at that's

right they hate that

so on this journey in life there's a lot

of people who are [ __ ] up right now on

the journeys always be that [ __ ]

in the sewer

came from that's grabbing at your

[ __ ] ankle as you're leaving that

sewer guys want to drag you right the

[ __ ] back down because you figured it

out they're not willing to figure it out

there's nothing much to figure out the

only thing to figure out is this and

everybody has a different equation mmm

my equation is different than yours my

equation was very different than most

people's hmm and it's not about being

sadistic it was just about that that

right there was kind of like the moment

of my life where I realized I don't like

to say that I've arrived hmm because you

never would have that I've arrived

mentality could you stop but that was

the moment that I realized that I was

the truth man I've done a lot of shows

but I don't go back and watch them that

much you know I'll watch them a couple

times when we do them I'll go back and

watch and listen to this last 10 or 15

minutes of we talked about several

hundred times that's the most incredible

thing I've heard I just tell you

straight up that's the most incredible

beautiful magnificent thing I've heard

since I've been doing the show thank you

for me for that I appreciate that

oh that's just silly crazy awesome I

want to finish on the light note okay I

was saving this for the end because it's

just ironic so I'm a rocky fan oh but

this is gonna trip you out I actually

got chills I was reading about you in

prepping because I've known about you

for a long time and like I gotta have

something in common with this dude right

I gotta have something to come with him

and so sli's a friend of mine too now

which is really weird but I'm a Rocky

fan but I'm really a rocky one fan but

not only am i Araki one fan I've watched

the fourteenth round see now my children

come yeah I've watched the 14th round of

the Rocky one movie I venture to say I

can't count them but it's got to be more

than a thousand times in my life and so

when I was a little boy and all the

turmoil in my life and the dysfunction

in my family the things I wanted to

achieve

I learned to visualize in my life

by watching rocky that was my

visualization the fitness part the

training the overcome and stuff there's

just this little part of me that's like

a little mini rocky in there it's why I

love working out it's and for me it was

the way he would take punishment it's at

the end of the 14th when he goes cut me

Mick and Mick cuts him right so they're

gonna think we're both just crazy but

what have you watched that a couple

times and and what if what did it do for

you I just want to finish on this cuz

like this taught me to visualize and

dream there were no my family's not like

years but there's no dreaming or

visualizations or motivation or go do

something special it was nothing like

that in my house I had rocky and mainly

rocky one I love them all but like the

rocky 3 running on the beach seen all

that but rocky one 14th round at least a

thousand times what about you no [ __ ] at

least 20,000 why is that

yes I've dissected that two minutes in

some seconds two minutes and 13 14 15

seconds at least 20,000 times when I did

the pull-up record and I finally broke

it took you three times yep did 4030 in

17 hours I listened to one song for 17

hours and it was going the distance 2

minutes and 13 something for 14 seconds

on a loop on a loop but first the guy

has gotten a man and or he kept playing

out loud for everybody and I brought my

own little iPad I don't ever listen to

music but I was failing so many times at

this record I had to go to that place so

I said no I don't want to bore you

anymore with this same song cuz I had a

crew of people there filming it you know

because I had to be documented mm-hmm

so I didn't want them to be there for 17

hours this is the same song kind of it

born so I put in my ears this is the

whole time but I'm gonna step further in

that round when rocky gets knocked down

and Micky saying stay down stay down and

he's getting up Apollo Creed things that

he'd knocked him out

so I have this thing called taking souls

okay

and when you see Apollo Creed turns

around arms in the air I [ __ ] got him

do you see when he turns around and he

sees because he Apollo Creed knows I was

[ __ ] this dude up he kept coming

after me and I finally knocked him down

when he turns around and looks at rocky

him and he says in Watsons and get up

and rocky gets his gloves and Moses him

to come to him yes

Apollo puts his head down and just goes

like this it's not so much Rocky getting

up that's big for me Apollo Creed's face

became every [ __ ] that verbally

and non-verbally looked at me cuz you

know that look they give you when you

think that you know they may not tell

you your piece of [ __ ] and you're nobody

but look at you almost like you poor

thing I got them all I got them all on

that [ __ ] of that that that little

wheel you have art with everybody's name

on it and phone numbers of [ __ ] I got my

own that my [ __ ] my head not spitting

that [ __ ] to every [ __ ] game

and I know right now whether you hate me

love me I'm a [ __ ] dick I'm a dear

some of that whenever you want to think

I made it and I know all of you

[ __ ] are looking just like

Apollo Creed did because I just kept

getting the [ __ ] up and all I wanted

people to do in my life I'd give us a

[ __ ] money I don't care about the

[ __ ] fame I care if you I care about

all my followers go away tomorrow I

wanted a lot of people that doubted me

to look like a Pollock redid in that

14th round because I got back up

repeatedly and when you keep on getting

back up like that no matter how strong

the person is just beating the [ __ ] out

of you

they eventually look at you and say you

know what I'm tired and I just want

people to be tired just be tired I want

to make you tired because I just

continue so that's what that movie did

to me that that movie changed how I

looked at life

me too it did me too I'm blown away

because the part of the scene thank you

the part of the scene anybody that knows

me real well all my life I wanted people

to give me that he gives him that like

what what are you what the hell and I

wanted whether it was a coach or dudes I

grew up with or whatever it was a point

just go

what are you that's it and and I got to

tell you I don't do that with a lot of

people I do that with you like and I'm

tremendous amount of respect for you

thank you and I'm proud to know you now

well I really appreciate that and I

didn't want to win I still don't want to

win for some reason I don't care about

winning for some I just want to go to

distance and that's a true story man and

so it's uh it's a powerful movie man but

thank you for your kind words what he

says I'm very humbled by that yeah I'm

looking forward to seeing what the next

thing is for you and I really am because

this is nowhere near the distance right

you're nowhere near right and so I'm

really excited if I can ever help with

any of it I'm certainly here for you as

a friend

I appreciate me I'm a big faith

believing man even though people look at

my mouth and say how can you believe in

God I'm sorry man we live in earth

mm-hmm and sometimes life is [ __ ]

hard sure you don't mean don't believe

in [ __ ] but I know for a fact that's

[ __ ] up as my life has been to be

where I'm at today there's obviously

more I'm obviously a [ __ ] messenger

of some sort because I don't fit the

mold man I'm obviously a messenger so

all your lights were preparing you for

this moment I'm excited for the next one

I believe that thank you for today Thank

You Man appreciate bless your meeting

you thank you everybody I don't have any

words you heard it or saw it and so I

know your life was moved you know all I

ask you to do is share this show with

somebody that you care about somebody

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[Music]