Insane Things Are Happening at the Olympics

OH, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT, WAIT. We have to

talk about the Olympics. I'm sorry. I

forgot about this. There's like seven

things that happened to the Olympics. We

have to talk about them all. Listen, I

feel like because of the crazy changing

nature of media, people aren't talking

about the Olympics as much. It's harder

to watch. NBC's got it on lockdown. You

can't see it on social media. In fact,

wait, NBC is locking down the Olympic

stuff so much that the NHL has to

recreate the clips in paint cuz they're

not allowed to post the real ones.

incredible. And as funny as that is,

it's part of the reason that like I feel

like people aren't talking about the

Olympics as much. Even though there's

been some cool stories this year, but

what's interesting to me is that there's

been a lot an almost absurd amount of

Olympic drama, including cheating,

people injecting their penises, teams

yelling at each other, crashes, insane,

insane stuff happening. So, I want to go

through some of the bigger stories in

the Olympics here just so you can have

an understanding. First off, let's just

do a serious one. I feel like this story

isn't talked about enough. This guy,

Vladislav, I'm gonna try his name.

Herasovich. Harrasovich. This guy, he's

the flag bearer for Ukraine. And right

before he was supposed to do his

competition, they banned him. Like 20

minutes before, 20 minutes before he

supposed to compete, they banned him

because he had a helmet that had dead

soldiers in Ukraine on it. He was

honoring people that died in his

country, honoring dead uh war heroes,

and they banned his uniform. It's

insane. So, he couldn't compete. He got

fourth last time he competed. He could

have got a medal. So I I that's an

insane thing from the IOC, especially

cuz Russia's not even competing.

Nobody's mad at this guy doing this. So

anyway, all the other Ukrainian athletes

held up their helmets on their

competition as a show of solidarity,

which I thought was really cool. I think

pretty pretty insane that that this

happened, dude. It's so [ __ ] up. Look

at his face, dude. It's insane. It's

literally dead people from his country

that have died in war. It's so wild that

you tell this guy you can't compete.

Dead athletes who got drafted. Yeah.

Like what? You know what is sport for?

You're not going to [ __ ] allow a guy

to do that. So that was the first thing.

Second thing, there was this Listen, I

don't know. I can't judge figure

skating. You have to watch this for

yourself. But there was a real credible

claim that there was some trickery of

foot with the figure skating judging

because five out of nine judges all

agreed, all voted that the Americans,

Madison Chalk and Evan Bates, had the

better routine. And then the French

judges gave the French competitors such

an incredibly high score that their

average won and they got the medal. It

felt very very very

biased. It felt very blatant. Now again,

I can't judge it. Apparently, they both

had good routines, but on the whole, and

like I would be like, "Okay, let let it

slide if it wasn't for the fact that

they just had Exhibition 33 win every

game." Do you know what I'm saying? I

can't give France both things. either

you get game of the year or you get

figure skating, but you can't. But this

one, it's probably the least

controversial to me in that because I

don't know and it's already it's tough

to judge, but my understanding is

there's a lot of anger about it because

apparently for people who really love

figure skating, it's like an obvious who

edged it out. Then this is the one

that's most interesting to me. Okay,

this is actually technically unverified,

but there's a lot of credible

accusations. I'll say are ski jumpers

enhancing their penises to fly further?

Wada is ready to investigate. So, I want

to explain what they're alleging here.

So, for ski jumping, they have to they

have to get their bodies measured and

they have to wear an outfit that is no

more than 4 cm larger than the surface

area of their body. So, what they are

doing is injecting their penises to get

them extra large so that when their body

gets measured, it has all this extra

room right here in the outfit. And then

when they jump, this little flap acts

like a sail because their dick is now

smaller.

So this little flap apparently creates

an incredible increase in lift. They get

like way way more meters of jump length

like length of this car because of this

flap. It was like 9 ft for extra

centimeter of fabric. Yeah. Yeah. I mean

this is actually insane. So they're

investigating it, but the doping agency

says that this doesn't count as doping.

So it doesn't fall under their

jurisdiction. It's like a different rule

break and it's not theirs. But no one

really knows who's investigating. It's

not doping to have a big hog. Well,

here's the thing. If you had an actual

big hog, this wouldn't work. I'm sorry.

It wouldn't work cuz if your hog is

filling this flat, then it's not it

doesn't act like lift. You have to have

a big hog that becomes small. You can't

have a natural a natural big hog doesn't

help. The only way this works as a cheat

is if your hog is really big when it's

measured and really small when you fly.

But what an insane way to cheat. My god.

BUT NOT THE HIGHEST PROFILE case of

cheating at the Olympics. There was

more. The Canadian curling team. The

face of evil right here. A sport I truly

don't understand, though I probably

should because it is a sport where a

personal injury attorney in his 50s can

still compete.

It's like the last sport I may have a

shot in. Bro, he is the oldest American

winter Olympian in history. So this guy,

the Canadian curling athlete,

>> boop. He uses his finger to push the

stone. You see it closer here.

Boop.

He pushed it which led to this

confrontation with the Swedish team.

>> It's okay. Touching the rock after the

hog line. I don't know. Or touching the

rock.

>> Who's doing it?

>> It's a couple. It's a couple.

>> Who? I haven't done it once. You can

[ __ ] off.

>> You haven't done it once.

>> I haven't done it once.

>> Okay.

>> I'll show you a video after the game.

>> Aiden's two halves are fighting. I

should probably call Aiden and see where

he lands. Is he more Canadian or is he

more Swedish? At this point, they're

getting heated, bro. Supposed to be this

gentleman's sport. So, that was crazy.

The other thing that was crazy, American

star Lindsay Vaughn, 41 years old,

tragically crashed. Not she's not she's

not hurt or anything, but this is like

her last attempt. It's really sad. She

crashed into this uh gate right at the

start. She didn't get to run. It was

just really sad. She had a great speech

afterwards. I mean, she I'm sorry. She

is hurt, but she's not like It's not

life-threatening or serious. She's badly

hurt. I don't That's not what I read. I

read she was fine. Let me see. I guess

she still needs more surgeries. You're

right. I guess her speech made her seem

nice. Her Instagram post was like, "I

dared to dream and I feel, you know, it

didn't in the way I hope, but I have no

regrets." She's I guess kind of

downplaying it in this post cuz

apparently it is pretty bad. Sometimes

our hearts are broken. We don't have our

dreams. But there's also the beauty of

life we can try. I tried, I dreamt, I

jumped. If you take anything away from

my journey, it's that you all have the

courage to deal darely. Life is too

short and take chances on yourself cuz

the only failure in life is not trying.

I believe in you as you believed in me.

Like two million likes on that. People

are saying the torn ACL thing. That one

I at least do know about. She

specifically said this crash had nothing

to do with her torn ACL. That she was

healed and she was ready to go. I'll

take her word over this. You always take

her side.

In the constant arguments between my

chat and Lindsy Vaughn, I always side

with Lindsy Vaughn. You've got it up to

here. Okay, forget about that then. All

right, that one's sad. Let's talk about

something good. Okay. People got

married. Breezy Johnson here got

proposed after she finished her race.

Forget.

>> Okay. So, you got a gold medal. You got

a fiance. Top of the world.

>> Oh, yeah. I mean, you know, there's

nothing better than, you know, doing

well and having somebody to share it

with. And the only other person that had

a relationship related thing was the uh

Norwegian bronze medalist

who instead of proposing got bronze and

then during the interview confessed to

an affair.

What does the interviewer say to that?

It was three it was it's not Olympic

related at all. It's three months ago.

What are you doing? How is that? It's

just crazy in your bronze medal

interview. How does one say, "Sir, this

is a Wendy's in Norwegian."

Oh my god. Wait, there's context. Two

months ago, that guy's teammate was

found dead in his hotel room in Italy.

The other Norwegian teammate who won

gold dedicated his medal to their dead

teammate in his interview. So, when this

guy opened his interview by saying,

"Thank you to my team, my parents, and

there's one person who's not watching

this," everyone thought he was going to

honor his dead teammate. But instead, he

launched into a teareyed monologue about

how he cheated on his girlfriend 3

months ago and only told her last week.

Oh my [ __ ] god. Oh, I will say I will

say this. So, I saw a lot of stuff about

the the Canadian curling thing, but the

funniest thing I saw was the guy like,

"I'm a Canadian. I don't give a [ __ ]

about curling. The only thing that

matters is is hockey." And they did

this.

What weighs more in Canada? One gold

medal for hockey, all the other gold

medals combined. So it's literally all

down to hockey where I will say

according to Poly Market, they are

currently the favorite. 52% US 34. No

one else really close. Sweden and

Finland way down there. And uh Canada

has gone 2 in the group stage. Seem like

we're set up for a showdown here. So it

should be interesting. Play by the

rules, Canada. We don't want any any of

this. That looks like it's over the

line. Wait, does it count when it

touches the line? Cuz that I mean that's

cheating, bro. Look at where the thing

is. Look at that. Looks like cheating,

bro. That feels like a no boop zone. He

broke the rules, but the refs didn't

enforce it. No wonder the Swedish guy

was so mad.

Oh, last thing I saw. All right, so

there's this guy. I think this is the

Canadian team. And I was like, damn,

that guy looks like Agent 47. He's also

on the Georgia team. Look at this [ __ ]

dude. He's switching COSTUMES LIKE AZER

47. HE'S OUTFIT SWAPPING. BY THE WAY,

these are real photos. This is not like

uh digitally edited or whatever. This is

a real double photo of the same guy.

It's crazy. I guess the last thing is

that maybe it's due to the price of gold

or whatever. But apparently the Olympic

medals are like shoddy as hell. They're

like breaking all the time.

This year's Olympic medals are

generating chatter for their defects and

price. Yeah, it's like it's like

breaking if you jump in them.

Apparently, you get to turn them in and

get it fixed, though.

Apparently, majority of the metals were

breaking off from their ribbons very

easily. And one of the people involved

in the manufacturing said this, "Back in

the Roman times, they were just

something you hold in your hands and

enjoy. We used to issue them in boxes."

Like, bro, it's not Roman times. You

don't get to just say that. Oh, it turns

out they're not made of Okay, so they're

only have six grams of actual gold, but

the six grams is currently worth $2,300,

twice their value of the last Olympics

because of the increase in the price of

gold. So, it's really an investment. So,

really, if you want to make some money,

just win an Olympic gold medal. It's a

great way to plan for your financial

future. Bring back the one guy who bet

against copper because of the Olympic

medals. Oh my god, I remember that. A

noob trader shorted copper because of

the public backlash against the Olympic

bronze medal gets margin called and

loses all of his savings.

The idea that the the world copper

market would move based on the Olympic

bronze medal or that like manufacturers

would stop using copper because well it

looked tacky in the it's just crazy. The

winter Okay, here's the problem with

this. This this could be true or it

could be not. But this this tweet, I'm

not kidding, was probably like on an

auto. It was like scheduled. He probably

has the same tweet scheduled for every

Olympic event for the next 30 years.

Like these are just engagement farming

accounts. 2026 Winter Olympics village

ran out of condoms after just 3 days.

They are [ __ ] huh. The whole

situation as it stands apparently has

athletes saying conamn it. The supplies

ran out in just 3 days. They promised us

more would arrive arrive who knows when.

I just hear this story every time, but I

assume maybe it's just true every time.

They're just [ __ ] like crazy. If you

do the math, the long and short of it is

that at least 1500 different penises

could call for some coverage. All right,

thanks Forbes.

If each Olympian penis were using

condoms at the same rate, that would

mean each penis would have used 6.67

condoms. 67, baby, in just 3 days to

bring out the shortage. What if it's

like a thing where, okay, imagine this

situation. You're an Olympian, right?

and you're walking up to the condom

bucket,

okay? You see a Chad Olympian grab a

whole bunch of condoms out of the bucket

and walk away. You are going to want to

act, you're not you're not going to grab

just one. You're going to feel, you know

what I'm saying? You're going to feel

like a loser. So, you're going to grab a

bunch of extras to be like, "Oh, yeah.

I'm really I'm going crazy." You're

going to stuff your pockets and walk

away. So, I bet like everybody's

grabbing more condoms than each other to

look like to look cooler. It's a

performance. One, please. I want one,

please. I'm going to find my soulmate.

That's what I would say.