Interpersonal Communication | 5 concepts

Hi, thank you for applying to Deep

Thought. So, if you're listening to this

video, you had either applied for the

business development role or you had

applied for the recruiter role at Deep

Thought. So, what is in common to

recruiters and to business development

people? Both of them are talking to a

lot of strangers on a daily basis,

right? So, if you're a recruiter, you're

talking to candidates who are applying

to the company. You're communicating

with them little easier. If you're a

business development person, you're

communicating with business owners. You

uh you're trying to pitch Deep Thought,

you're trying to talk about how Deep

Thought can help uh those businesses

with their growth. So both these require

strong communication skills. So in this

video, I'm going to be discussing some

key concepts

uh that are involved in communication.

Um, and so if I have to simplify the

intention of this video, it's this. If

you communicate with the right mindset

and if you're able to communicate by uh

understanding the objectives, A, you do

your job better and B, the company also

grows along with you. For example, if

you're a recruiter and you know how to

communicate well, you end up identifying

the right kind of candidates for the

company and that in turn helps the

company grow. You're a business

development person. You communicate

well. You're able to build a

conversation. You're able to truly

understand what the business requires.

So then you're able to bring more

clients uh into deep thought. If you're

really able to uh get into nice

conversations, not with the intention of

selling something, but with the

intention of listening and understanding

what the other person uh is wanting to

do, right? So in that sense, great

communication is directly linked to

career growth. Right? So we'll see some

concepts related to that. Concept number

one

uh transcendence.

Are we doing this for our own agenda?

Are are we doing this with the intention

of helping the other person? So there

are there is this masslo hierarchy of

needs right in psychology this is a

theory. So the bottommost level of needs

are this roti capra makan right? food,

clothing, shelter, all of these are the

bottommost needs. And then there are

different levels of needs. But at the

highest level, at the sixth level is

transcendence where we're not thinking

of ourself. We're thinking of the world.

You know, we're prioritizing the world.

So now to be a great communicator, I

think it's important to have

transcendence. Now, why is this

transcendence important for a good

communicator? Now, if I am uh talking to

a business owner and if I'm always

thinking of what can I sell this guy,

what can I get out of this uh person,

I'm never going to be able to

communicate well. But if I'm listening

with the intention of, you know, helping

the other person, I want to know what

this person is feeling, right? So then I

forget myself. I forget my agenda. I

forget my agenda and I just with an open

mind I listen to, okay, what is this

person going through? where that person

says you know my employees are not

understanding I'm not able to drive this

so there it's important to understand

what is it that he wants to convey and

what is it that the employees are not

able to understand so I think the first

and the most important concept is to

truly listen to a person for example I

mean think of it right let's say you

have some problems and there is somebody

who's constantly trying to tell you know

you should wake up early in the morning

you should work very hard and so on do

you feel like you're being heard But no,

right? You feel like somebody is just

trying to give you some advice that you

don't want. But on the other hand, if a

person is truly listening to you, right,

word by word of what you're saying and

if the person is able to feel what

you're feeling internally, because every

human goes through something in life,

right? So if uh the other person is able

to feel what you're feeling,

you feel heard and you want to

communicate more with that person, you

want to share more with that person. So

the person is in a better position to

help. So I think concept number one is

do we put our own agenda aside and are

we interested in that human being on the

other side? Are we interested in

understanding what is this human being

wanting to share? What is this uh human

being actually going through? So if you

are what do I say very very perceptual

person right like if you can really

perceive what the other person or if you

can really sense what the other person

is going through I think you'll be a

fantastic uh hire for this uh role

because individuals who can connect with

humans who can feel the pain of humans

who can who see great joy in talking to

humans and understanding them I think do

a great job in terms of both recruitment

as well as uh business development. So

concept number one is transcendence. Put

your own agenda aside and try to feel

the other person. Try to sense what the

other person is going through. And uh

concept number two which is very linked

to concept number one is we're not

calling to hire or we're not calling to

sell. Most business development people

they pick up the phone and they make a

call saying I'm calling to sell this

person something or a recruiter calls

and like I'm I'm calling to check if

that person is suiting my requirement or

not. That's not I think the intention of

calling. The intention of calling is to

help. I'll tell you why. If I'm a

business development person, I want to

help that particular uh business owner.

So because I want to help I'm trying to

understand what are they doing? Do they

want to grow? How do they want to grow?

So from that I'll be a able to evaluate

will I be able to help. So for example

if that business owner is currently

doing a 100 cr turnover business wants

to grow into 300 cr turnover business

and we want to know how does that

business owner want to go to 300 cr. Why

does that business owner want to go to

the 300 cr turnover? What is the

potential that business owner is seeing

from all of these? By listening to all

of these and by asking these questions,

I would understand how deep thought as a

company can help that particular

business owner in setting up the

systems, bringing the right teams to be

able to go from that 100 cr journey to

300 cr journey. So if I'm going with the

intention of helping that business

owner, not with the intention of chill

or deep thought as a fellowship program,

you take the fellowship program and

through this you'll be able to expand

your business. That's selling that's not

you know helping. But likewise in a

recruitment perspective, right? You call

up, do you have this skill? Do you have

that skill? Do you have this mindset?

Oh, you have it. Fantastic. Go. Uh,

complete the selection process. That's

an intention of trying to hire. But when

you say when you go as a recruiter, when

you go in with an intention of trying to

help, right? What do you do? You ask the

candidate, okay, why are you applying

for this particular opportunity? What

kind of a career do you want? So, you

want to help that candidate in building

a good career. Now if that candidate's

thought process is matching with deep

thoughts thought process that is when

you'll invite that candidate to apply uh

you know to deep thought and uh the

candidate may be a good hire but you'll

really be able to understand the

candidate well if your intention is to

help that candidate in building a good

career not when your intention is I want

to pick one candidate for the company.

It's straight obvious right you talk to

20 candidates you'll find at least two

or three candidates who are potential

you know uh future leaders and those are

the ones who are good candidates for

deep thought but for that you should

know who those three are but to know who

those three are with all the 20 that

you're talking you have to be able to

really understand them and to you you'll

not be able to understand them if you're

going and hammering them with your

personal agenda you'll be able to

understand the other person when you're

going with an intention of helping For

example, right now when I'm doing this

video, I'm not doing this video saying

that, you know, I want those three

people to join my company. So, I'll make

this video so people can join my uh

company. I mean, for that matter, I

don't have to make a video, right? I'll

just give a form and ask you to fill the

form. And the ones who fill the form,

well, I can hire them. But my intention

is whether I hire you or I don't hire

you, I want to help you. I want to

introduce you to a few concepts that can

help you build your career the right

way. But in this process some people

will align well with deep thought and

the people who align well with deep

thought I end up hiring them. So a great

professional will not start off a

conversation with the agenda of cello I

want to get this right. The most

powerful people are not takers they're

givers. I repeat most powerful people

are not takers. You know Adam Grant has

this research or Adam Grant is an

organizational psychologist. His

research shows that great professionals

are actually uh not taker they are

actually givers right. So concept number

one was transcendence not our own agenda

but to truly listen to the other person

and concept number two is again to be

able to help people not with the

intention of selling or with the

intention of recruiting.

Now concept number three

uh I mean is again linked to concept one

and concept two right it's about ego

people with huge amount of ego will not

be able to communicate well so when we

have a strong ego right when we talk to

a stranger and the stranger says no I'm

not interested in talking to you our ego

gets hurt in a big way uh people with a

strong ego cannot take rejection Ability

to take rejection is very very important

for growth. So if you're feeling very

scared of talking to a person or if you

feel disinterested in talking to people

that might be ego. So I mean all of us

have that ego but

uh becoming humble is a huge part of you

know career growth. So some of the times

you know when companies say we want

experienced people is also because I

think experience kind of humbles uh

people right. So I think this is another

concept to keep thinking about how can I

grow more humble how can I be more

focused on learning how can I not judge

the other person right so see I mean

when when do we take things on our ego

when we don't have transcendence when we

think of ourselves not the other person

but let's say the other person said not

interested if you take it on ego you'll

be like why did he say not interested is

that person thinking I'm bad is that

person not liking my communication

skills and all of that so that's how we

end up taking things personally

But instead if we ask like maybe the

person had a bad day today, maybe the

person is not feeling good today. So

then we don't take it personally. We

start feeling the other person. So we're

in a position to go into the next call

with energy, right? Because when you're

talking to a lot of people, not everyone

is going to be polite with you, right?

Not everyone is going to be nice with

you. So if you start taking things

personally, I think it could be

challenging uh you know to take up any

kind of a job profile that involves

speaking with a lot of strangers, right?

So the third concept is to be humble and

and and to be humble is I think linked

to concept number one, transcendence,

right? Instead of thinking about you,

it's not all about you, think about the

other person, right? So think about it

this way. Now let's say your close

friend says something bad to you. There

are a lot of times when you don't take

it personally. You start understanding

why is this person behaving like this?

Maybe this person is going through some

pain. Can I support this person? So you

don't feel hurt that the other person

said something nasty to you. You rather

uh feel like why is this person in pain?

I want to help this person. Right?

That's the power that helps you not take

things uh personally. Right? So the same

thing can apply in in in the profession

as well. when someone says something you

know to be a true professional you're

not really taking it personal you're

trying to understand hey why is this

person behaving this way so you might

say okay maybe this person is not polite

I will not work with this person that's

perfectly okay but at least you ended up

not taking it personally right so you

feel good you feel positive uh

internally so concept one transcendence

concept two the intention is to help

intention is not to sell and uh concept

three is to put ego aside to have a more

humble uh approach.

Concept four is how to handle your

self-critical voice. So a lot of us who

grow up in the Indian society tend to be

self-critical. We tell a lot of negative

things to ourselves. We tell lot of

negative voices uh to ourselves. I'm not

good enough. My communication skills are

not good. My English is not good. Why do

you need any enemy in your life if you

yourself are scolding yourself? So it's

very important to overcome this you know

self-critical voice.

How do you do that? By

actually practicing self-gratitude. So

every time when your brain is telling

you something negative, tell a thank you

to yourself. So let's say your brain is

saying you're not good enough.

You you could just say thank you for

putting the right efforts. Thank you for

punching above your weight. Your brain

says your English is not good enough.

Say hey thank you for putting the

efforts to improve your English and and

and tell it with your name right let's

say let's say your name is uh Raju dear

Raju thank you for putting the efforts

to improve your English right or let's

say your name is Gita dear Gita thank

you for putting the right efforts to

improve your confidence so the moment

you tell this self-gratitude to yourself

it it helps you control that

self-critical thing a lot of times when

you have confidence issues and talking

to new people that confidence issues

come out of being self-critical

So I tell this to people but people

don't practice it.

If you're not listening to me properly,

it means that you're probably

self-critical. That it's okay if you're

self-critical. It's perfectly okay. But

you'll have to find that ability, you

know, to get out of that self-critical

voices. You know, your brain has a lot

of kachra inside, right? All of our

brains has kachra inside. But it's

important for us to clean that kachra.

Clean that dust. How do we clean that

dust? The self-gratitude helps us clean

our dust. Because when we stay positive

internally, I think we'll be able to do

the right thing in that particular

situation. And when we can do the right

thing, the chances of performing well

are higher. Right? So this is the most

important thing of the five concepts

that I'm going to talk about. That is,

you know, every time when we're

self-critical to practice self-gratitude

to tell a thank you uh to ourselves so

we can have more of positive outlook

internally. And concept number five is

oxytocin cortisol.

In the first 0.2 2 seconds of you

getting into a call. In the first 0.2

seconds of you getting into a call, it

gets decided whether that call will be

constructive or that call will not be

constructive. Whether you'll have a good

conversation with the other person or

you'll not have a good conversation with

the other person gets decided in the

first 0.2 seconds.

In 0.2 seconds, you'll not even say a

hi.

You'll not even say a hi, but it is

decided. How? This is the theory of

conversational intelligence by Judith

Glasser. In the first 0.2 seconds

itself, your brain is either in an

oxytocin mode or in a cortisol mode. So

these are two very important chemicals

when you talk of communication, right?

Conversational intelligence. Oxytocin

and cortisol. If your brain is in

oxytocin mode, you're trusting the other

person. You are also giving oxytocin to

the other person. So because you're

giving oxytocin, the person will sort of

listen to you, will trust you. But if

your brain is in a cortisol mode, you

will not trust the other person. The

other person will you will spread more

negativity to the other person. The

person will pick up the negativity. The

person will not want to listen to you.

So just see this thing, right? I'll give

you a demonstration.

I know I'm going to try and explain this

to you, but you'll still not listen to

me.

Uh I understand this can be new. I

understand this can be challenging but

if you listen to me this will make a

huge difference to how you communicate

and people will start listening to you

not just your uh you know professional

contacts but also your friends your

family you'll start winning the trust of

people you see the difference in my

first approach and second approach in my

first approach I told my brain that this

person will not listen this person will

not listen so I filled my brain with

cortisol so it it emitted cortisol and

in my in my eyes in my face you could

see that I'm disrespecting you. So when

I have cortisol inside me, you will feel

like I'm disrespecting you. And if you

feel like I'm disrespecting, you will

not want to listen to me, right? But if

I have oxytocin inside me, you'll feel

like I respect you. You'll feel like I I

trust your capability. I want to

collaborate with you. So when you can

feel like I want to collaborate with you

and I respect you, you're, you know, you

get into more of a listening space. So I

think before every conversation it's

important to fill our brain with

oxytocin and to be able to you know go

into every conversation with that

oxytocin. So sometimes you might have

somebody who who said nasty things to

you wouldn't speak to you. Well what do

you do? Drink a glass of water and

practice some self-gratitude there and

tell good things you know have positive

selft talk. Positive selft talk. Why is

this positive selft talk important?

because it fills the brain with

oxytocin. Positive selft talk is super

important and you know this

self-awareness is important in the sense

that you know we'd want to know is my

brain right now in an oxytocin mode or

is is my brain right now in a cortisol

mode and if my brain is in a cortisol

mode I would engage in self-gratitudes I

would engage in positive selft talk

right so what do we do if the brain is

in a cortisol mode positive selft talk

selfratitudes and see cortisol can

really you know destroy right uh

cortisol can give you a lot of stress

and with that lot of stress your

immunity can come down you'll have

sleeplessness you'll have a lot of

challenges if you're dealing with heavy

cortisol levels so I think this positive

selft talk and having this kind of

personality is not just going to make

you a better professional but gives you

a better quality of life where you're

healthy you get good sleep and you're

able to make more friends you're able to

have positive relationships with people

in general you'll be a person radiating

energy with a smile Smile, making other

people smile, you'll be a nice person.

You'll be you'll be the nice person in

the room, right? So, I hope you enjoy

applying all these concepts. So, now you

have a Google form where you have 10

questions to respond to based on the

concepts on this uh video. So, I hope

you enjoy filling out this form. Wishing

you all the best and looking forward to

meeting you in the interview very soon.

All the best.