What creates a narcissist

What causes narcissists to become

narcissists? Were they born that way or

exposed to trauma that caused them to

become that way? What a great question.

So, where does a narcissist come from?

Basically, the way that a narcissist

forms, you can call it trauma, but I

would say it's a very specific thing. A

narcissist forms from conditional love.

See, when we unconditionally love

someone, we teach that person that there

is something within you that is good,

that is independent of how you act, how

you look, how you behave. When you are

not unconditionally loved and when you

are conditionally loved really really

really hard or not so much the love but

when the conditions are huge. When your

whole life is about conditional

responses then what happens is someone

becomes very attuned to things outside

of them. They become focused on the

outside focused on the outside. Focused

on the outside and that leads to

narcissism. But the other thing is if

you grow up with a narcissistic parent

they're narcissistic right? So the way

they feel about themselves depends on

how you behave. And then in turn, I

don't know if this kind of makes sense.

I'm going to try to draw this. They'll

do something that then makes you do

something, behave in a certain way,

which then then makes them feel proud.

And if they feel proud, that means that

they are a good parent. So this behavior

that you do determines whether they feel

proud or they feel good. And if they

feel good, then they love you. So what

happens then? You learn that love

depends on this behavior. If you do this

behavior, then you get love. If you

don't do that behavior, you get

punishment. You're growing up in a

conditional love situation, which is

really common when your parent is a

narcissist. And so that will make you

narcissistic.