Social Rejection | Mastering Your Mind to Overcome This Challenge | Vanessa Van Edwards #shorts

if you are in a room and someone gives

you a cue of social rejection what does

that look like okay so social rejection

iroll a aai looking away looking right

looking away distancing behavior when we

pull our head back and like uh when I

angle my head back you know I've just

disengaged from you Crossing arms and

Crossing arms uh sudden sudden

non-verbal rejection okay so social

rejection cues and you know this if

you're in a business meeting and you

suddenly feel like am I disliked ah he's

not he doesn't like this she doesn't

like this when we see a cue of social

rejection our field of vision increases

we see wider we literally see wider our

pupils dilate so we see more the reason

why that study was like a light bulb for

me was our cues are affecting others

physiology our physiology can change in

a room in an instant if we walk into a

meeting and we feel not liked if we feel

rejected if we feel like we're being

judged our own physiology responds so if

we're in a room and we're not feeling

confident control and someone sends us a

queue of rejection one you want to know

what those are because it makes your

field of vision bigger so you can see

who else is sending me a q what's my

Escape Route that's literally what your

body is trying to do UPS your adrenaline

UPS your cortisol and no one can think

well adrenaline cortisol that's why in a

meeting it can go downhill so quickly

you're in a presentation you prepare it

all week H you're like and you're like

oh he just rolled his eyes oh she just

turned away oh the I just saw a weird

foot movement uh and then you lose your

spot you blank out and the rest of the

presentation goes badly the good news is

is What U Matthew liberman found this is

from UCLA once you label a cue so if you

say that was an eye roll that was a

scoff of exasperation that was a

contempt smirk the moment you label it

your amydala calms down they've proven

that if they when people are in fmri

machines and they show them a fearful

face so fearful face is when we widen

the whites of our eyes and we raise our

eyebrows up if if you're laying in an

fmri machine and you see fear you begin

to feel afraid your amydala begins to

activate and your body goes well if he's

afraid I better be afraid but the moment

you say in the in the

fmri that's just fear your amydala stops

responding interesting so I think I had

a really hard time finding confidence

it's been a long lifetime Journey the

way that I've sort of back doored into

confidence is control if I can control

the cues that are being sent to me if I

can control the cues I'm sending to

others

it's a secret back door into confidence

how do you control someone else's cues

you label them and respond appropriately

so so you can't control how they act

towards you but you can control how you

react to it how you interpret it how you

transition afterwards yes like you can

first by labeling it you just controlled

your own physiology so if someone sends

you a contempt an eye roll you just took

control you took control back of nope I

see it I spot it I'm disengaging it