KIM KARDASHIAN OPENS UP About Insecurity, Healing Your Pain, & Finding HAPPINESS | Jay Shetty

wait a minute I'm trying to make

everyone happy I'm doing all this stuff

for everyone else but myself let me just

like

pull back a second focus on myself and

then it seemed like everyone else was

happier the best-selling author and host

the number one Health and Wellness

podcast on purpose with Jay Shetty

when was the last time you went

somewhere where someone didn't know who

you were or actually was there a moment

where someone said to you who are you

what do you do like when was the last

time you had an interaction like that

you know what in Japan it's like that

you know everyone's really respectful

even if they might recognize you they

don't ask for photos and it's a really

amazing experience I think it's

important you know just to listen I love

my life I love everything that comes

along with it I am not complaining but

um a little glimpse of that I think

especially for the little ones is so

good yeah no that's that's that's

definitely a beautiful experience I

think it's nice for everyone to feel

wanted and loved and then also feel

unseen yeah like we almost crave both of

those I was thinking about it today

you're always surrounded by film Crews

and you know you have like 352 million

people that follow you on Instagram I

wonder do you ever do you prioritize

time alone do you get time alone and

what does that look like I do I get up

really early my morning workout really

is my I don't want to say therapy

session because it's not like I'm really

communicating things but even if I'm

quiet and I'm in my zone that's my

mental health check every morning I love

my workout it keeps me sane I can't say

that enough that's my time in the

morning then

as soon as everyone starts to get up for

school the madness happens and it's

about two hours of Madness from getting

four kids ready in the morning fed out

the door

Aunt to school I drop off school every

day and then I have a little bit of time

I'd say about 20 minutes driving back

where I just blast my music I don't take

any calls that's my alone time I love it

and then I get to the house and I start

my full work day and I'm committed and

focused and then The Madness of bath

time bedtime dinner time

and once four babies are asleep and I

just cherish that time at night when

everyone's asleep and I can watch

whatever show I want and just have some

alone time so I do take the time for

myself I think it's really important

yeah absolutely you said something

beautiful before we started recording

and I I definitely want to go in that

direction because you were talking about

the different platforms and how you can

show different parts of yourself but you

came here because there was something

specific and I'd love to hear that

because I want to go in that direction

with you I love your podcast I've seen

it and I've seen I think I just love

seeing the the reels that pop up with

just a quick message that'll get you

through the day that'll remind you who

you are remind you what you need to come

across and see at that moment and that

day and carry you through the day yeah

so I think it's important for people to

express like how they feel and who they

are a little bit deeper and what's in

their heart

and I think that's kind of what this

podcast is about yeah and I think thank

you for trusting me I really do value

that and I don't take it for granted uh

but the interesting thing there is I

feel like

there's a beautiful statement in

Japanese culture says that we have three

faces one face we show to the world

the second phase we show to our friends

and family and the third face no one

sees and I wonder when you're talking

about your values and who you are

what's the part of you that you think no

one gets to see in all these other

places that you want to share today

um

all my faces but I do think that people

pick and choose what they want to take

from you I do share journeys of mine

that have been challenges whether it's

like law school and different projects

and how starting a business and all of

that I definitely weave that in

throughout but I think that anytime you

have the opportunity to express yourself

in a more meaningful way I think it's

always a good thing to do especially

since I'm just a big fan of you and what

you represent and who you are so I

always love to share my tips and

anything that I've learned along the way

because God knows it is not easy yeah

like parenting is so hard family

Dynamics relationships it is so hard

it's really interesting you say that

because when I was speaking to your mom

she was saying that about you she was

saying that you're the person that for

anyone in your family no matter how busy

you are you'll go completely out of your

way she was telling me about a

particular incident but she was just

saying that you will just

dive in book everyone on the flight get

everyone there get to that person help

them support them and and even when it's

someone who's not directly connected to

you but is indirectly connected and yeah

I'm sure you know what I'm talking about

but the idea of just you you reached

that far out and when I was hearing that

about you from her

I was thinking that that takes so much

compassion and care

from your side and those are not two

words that on some of the other

platforms that people may hear about you

but but that's what I'm getting talking

to your mother about you and I wonder

how have you I feel families the cause

for so much stress for people it's the

cause for so much anxiety for people and

as you said it's hard how have you

continued to lean in to compassion and

care

even when it's easier to compare and

criticize and complain well with family

I mean I was always raised like no

matter what blood is thicker than water

there's no other options so we

definitely go through our things as

sisters there's no other options like we

will work it out like We are family we

are sisters we will figure it out and I

think you just have to I think also more

compassion comes with age and the more

things that you've been through and

especially I think my heart has opened

up so much in that space just spending

time even with people behind bars that

I'm fighting for and I might not have

even had the slightest idea

of what someone's gone through or even

understood taking the time to listen to

people

more than maybe speaking and making it

about yourself and my compassion has

just grown and my empathy has grown on

another level you can't really judge

people for their Pace on when they

choose to really want to dig deep into

their own compassion and empathy and

when people choose to grow and evolve

but it's so nice to have people that

support that journey and grow with you

because once you realize that this life

really isn't about you and it's about

helping as many people as you can all

these like doors open up for you and

your mind just opens up and it's a

really great place to be when you feel

like you have enough

when you would Chase things for so long

and when you just feel content

it's such a good place to be and it's

such an

like allows for so much more compassion

I think and I want everyone to go back

and listen to that but I feel like you

just beautifully defined compassion and

I'm gonna try and reiterate what you

just said yeah it was just it was so

well said because I think people think

about compassion as care and you just

Define it by pace and I think when

you're patient for the pace at which

people grow and evolve that actually is

compassion there's nothing worse when

someone is like so woke and they've

they're on this therapy journey and they

expect you to be right there with them

but it's a beautiful thing to sit back

and watch people

make mistakes learn from their mistakes

grow and evolve and just be there to

hold their hand and support them I think

that's what anyone would want I've seen

so many people

on these like self-help Journeys that

just

aren't as happy

you know and I think you just have to

like sit back and do what works for you

and move at your own pace and understand

that it's okay that you're not at the

same level as someone else yeah I mean

I'm just such a like everything happens

the way it's supposed to I love just

people in their own Journeys and I I

never try to be so preachy or to think

that someone has to be in my place

and at the level where I've evolved to

it's great when your friends have the

same kind of epiphanies as you and you

want the same things but then sometimes

it's just not like that yeah yeah

definitely there's you brought two

things to my mind one was what real love

is like when you really love your family

you don't love them because they change

yeah you're patient with them as they

try to change that's what love is

because they may or may never get to the

other side and the other thing that came

to mind is something my teachers would

often tell me my monk teaches they would

often repeat to me that you're never

trying to get someone to the next step

in your journey you're trying to get

them to the next step in their Journey

yeah and I think you're so right that

when we're doing self-work we are

constantly preaching to other people

about the things we want to hear yeah

and the things we want to do yeah and

like self-work can just be so different

for so many people you know like my

morning workouts I swear that's my

self-work my drive in the car every day

blasting whatever music I want to like

that is my meditation that's my zone

and that works for me you know when I

need help and I need

help figuring out different parenting

things and different methods that I can

use I will reach out and get the help

that I need when I need it for sure but

I also think there's just

there's no like right method of what

works

for

everyone you know it's like whatever

works for you

good for you yeah yeah absolutely

absolutely I feel like when when people

see you and even even now you're talking

you have so much trust in yourself or

trust in your inner voice that doesn't

mean you I don't believe you're saying I

always get it right or this is the only

way what you're actually saying is I've

learned to trust my voice and I wonder

was there a time when you didn't trust

that voice and or can you remember the

first time where you started to hear it

like I remember the first time I really

started to hear my voice deeply was

probably when I was 14 years old and

that's when I could hear this voice

inside of myself that was like Jay this

is who you are this is what you care

about this is what matters to you you

don't need to be this or be that or do

it this way and I remember I started

listening to it then and now that inner

voice is really loud yeah it's always

there but I wish I listened to my inner

voice said 14. well do you remember when

you first started like because when I'm

hearing you now you're just like yeah

like I'm very comfortable with people

being themselves and I'm comfortable who

I am which is beautiful but when that I

feel so many people want to live that

way but that's the thing we all struggle

with it definitely didn't come right

away you know I was a people pleaser and

I would make decisions based off of

other people's happiness for so long and

I would say honestly in the last few

years

definitely at 40 you know I figured it

out of just following my happiness which

was really I think an important place

for me to get to because I always put

other people's happiness over my own

and it doesn't mean you disregard other

people's feelings and it doesn't mean

you don't care and you don't love them

but it is a great place to be when you

finally put yourself first and I will

say that took a long time and that was

like relying on other people for

confidence in business decisions and

it's great to have your team and to

always like bounce ideas and make sure

that you're collectively picking the

right choice and and work thing for you

but true confidence where you feel

you're making the right decisions

you know you got it you are thinking

about yourself first and not just in a

selfish way but like in a

protecting your heart way it feels

really good and I might not have gotten

there until I was

literally 40.

and what do you think it was about the

last few years where you had to turn

towards that that pushed you there I've

never been an unhappy person I'm always

really happy with my surroundings I

don't need people to make me happy I'm

not really ever searching for something

I'm really content my babies make me

happy my family my life you know

experiences make me happy but when you

just look around and when there's like

tension and stress that is just not

necessary

from work from relationships from

friendships

and you just decide to be still

and

not try to please everyone

it becomes just really clear

and you realize that you just want to be

happy and you want to share this life

and these experiences with your group of

people that you trust and you love and

who are super loyal like life is always

going to be stressful and you can't

control half of it but if you can

control what you put out and how you

react to all of life's stresses and your

response to all of that and realizing

that you could eliminate a lot of those

stresses with making yourself happy

first and choosing yourself then you

know you're on the right path and once I

did that and once I chose

to choose myself and be happy

so many opportunities just opened up

things that I never thought in a million

years would come my way

it seemed like

clear as day that the Universe was

rewarding me for choosing myself and

like elevating

like getting to the next level in the

video game like I had to get here and I

was always like here just in my growth

process and once I chose myself it was

like oh my God the whole the universe is

opening up for you and all these

opportunities are coming my way and

those were the confirmations that I was

heading in the right direction I

remember saying that to one of my

sisters I was like oh my God it is so

crazy I got this opportunity this

opportunity this is changing this is

changing and it seemed like all these

amazing things started to happen in my

life

when I just took a second

was still realized wait a minute I'm

trying to make everyone happy I'm doing

all this stuff for everyone else but

myself let me just like

pull back a second

focus on myself and then it seemed like

everyone else was happier because

everything was just falling into place

and that was like I saw it clear as day

and that would like push me and motivate

me to continue to just

be happy and do what I wanted to do

instead of what other people wanted to

do and that was like it was like a good

feeling

it really like

showed me that I was making the right

decisions

I'm so happy for you thank you genuinely

and it's a good place to be when you're

genuinely a happy person you know like

no complaints yeah like not taking

things too seriously

not taking yourself too seriously is

also a little key to happiness yeah I

think the energy that gets lost in

worrying about something versus working

towards fixing it or solving it yeah can

just worrying the worrying if you worry

about something it's not going to change

the outcome

let's just come up with a solution

like let's say what the problem is not

complain I'm not a complainer so it's

like let's just get to the solution

let's figure it out and let's move on

absolutely nothing worse when you

complain every step of the way

yeah and and it's and it's natural and

it's easy but it we all know it doesn't

get you to where you want to go yeah and

and I think that's that's a big reason

what's the uh

I wonder with what you were saying one

of the big things that comes out as you

were talking about family and people in

your life and you talked about your life

as chat like there's this loyalty is

such a big value for you yeah across

your life it seems yeah what have you

learned about people that you wish you

learned sooner was there something that

you started to learn and recognize

patterns in people and that has made you

better now but you wish like ah if I

learned this a couple of years sooner

than it could have saved me a lot of the

stress and challenges that came up don't

take anything personally I've been

really blessed to have really great

solid relationships I have the same

group of best friends we went to

preschool together we talk every single

day my best friend is my best friend

since the day I grow up you know when I

was born the people I work with my

family

my sisters but my best friends sisters

also you know and everyone I trust

a hundred percent

everyone is so loyal a hundred percent

you can't come up to me and tell me

something about one of my friends

if like someone were to say oh this

person said this about you and they're

in my circle I would be absolutely not

like I would trust that a hundred

percent

and I think that's so rare or what I've

seen is so rare and I just feel so lucky

to just love everyone around you trust

everyone around you they trust you my

friends know they can call me any hour

I'll be the first one to pick up and

help all of my friends would drop

everything to help me in a situation and

to have that real support and love I

think is everything in life to have

loyal supportive people around you and I

think you can also tell so much about a

person that has really long-standing

relationships that stability

When I Look to hire people I look at

their previous jobs and how long they've

had those relationships for and think

about it if there's someone that's

bouncing from job to job obviously there

could be other situations that come into

place but I value people that have these

long-standing relationships with people

whether it's their employer or family

and that's super important to me to have

all my friends have really

important relationships in their life I

think that says a lot about you and the

family because I wonder what it takes to

hold on to a relationship like that when

you're on a rocket ship right I feel

like all of us deal with shifts in our

life Transitions and family and friends

that we want to hold on to but it gets

harder and harder especially when

there's success when there's Envy when

there's competition and sometimes it's

not because someone doesn't love you or

doesn't care about you it's so natural

in the world we live in and so what does

it really take because I think this will

help a lot of people what does it

actually take to hold on to someone you

love and continue with all the noise and

all the challenges and all the stress

that comes with it what does it actually

take because but then there's those

friends that you don't have to talk to

every day I mean thank God for group

chats where you can chime in and heart

something really quick you know but like

your real best friends will also support

you and it takes but it's it takes that

mutual respect because what my friends

are doing if they have something that's

important to them it's just as important

for me to show up for them as it is for

them to show up for me I might have a

more colorful life and a bigger event

that I'm asking them to show up to but

it doesn't mean that theirs isn't just

as important so I think just having that

mutual respect treating people with

respect is just a given I truly think

someone is such a solid person when they

have really grounded relationships

grounded in love and and relationships

can be different things you know

sometimes you have your group of

girlfriends that you love to go on

vacation with and then sometimes you

have you know your other friends that

you work really well with every

relationship can be different if you

have just a mutual respect around the

across the board that's I think the

number one thing yeah it takes two yeah

it takes two that's the point it's

you're not going to be able to create it

or falsely hold on to it someone who

doesn't totally want to give you that

respect yeah it's not going to happen

yeah you talked about earlier about

parenting and you brought up a few times

and I wonder how you you don't have kids

do you I'm not yet not yet okay we'll

have this conversation again yes

absolutely that's what I'm asking that's

what I'm asking parenting questions what

was your vision like for what you

thought parenting was going to be like

versus what it actually is everyone says

the days are long and the years are

short and that couldn't be like a more

true statement so like when you're in it

I mean

especially when they're babies and

you're feeding and you're there's

Madness going on it's like

full Madness it's the best chaos though

like my mornings you have no idea what's

going on it's like I always have to do

one of my daughter's hair and it has to

be perfect and it has to be a certain

way and then this one needs me to put

his shoes on and that they all need you

and they all it's like full crazy

Madness cooking running around like it's

it's wild that's why I need my workout

in the morning just to like prepare for

the two hours of craziness

I'd say parenting is the thing that has

taught me the most about myself

it has been the most challenging thing

there are nights I cried myself to sleep

like what just happened you know with

all the moods and the personalities and

sometimes they're fighting and there's

no one there like it's it's me to play

good cop and bad cop so like that is

definitely a challenge when you know

something I'm working on is being a

little bit firmer you know there's

nothing that can prepare you anyone any

person that says oh we're waiting to

have X amount of money in the bank oh

we're waiting to have a home before we

have kids oh I'm waiting for this job to

come in before we have kids

I don't care how long you wait I don't

care what you're waiting for you are

never prepared but you will figure it

out

and it will make you so proud of

yourself that you figured it out and

that you got through the day and

sometimes it's nights where it's just we

are going hour by hour to see if we're

going to survive

Night by night

if a tantrum comes in oh my God your

life is completely upside down

but

it teaches you so much more about

yourself

than I think anyone any parent could

have ever anticipated I mean there is

nights when you don't wash your hair for

days as a mom and you have sped up all

over you and you're wearing the same

pajamas you know and there's just

nothing that can prepare you for this

experience

it is the most challenging rewarding job

on this planet when was the moment when

you were looking into your baby's faces

and said I want to run away I'm

I need to hide for a night every night

I'm just kidding no no yeah no thank you

it's I mean it's honest I think there's

a there's a little bit of Truth in that

feeling that a lot of parents have

what's what's the hardest when you've

been looking when you look into their

faces and you had one of these moments

where you were learning these lessons

what was the hardest lesson you had to

learn about yourself that made you go

whoa I didn't

I didn't see that before if it wasn't

for that kid I wouldn't have seen that

yeah it happens all the time I always

think everything in life comes our way

to really teach us something

and it's a really hard task when you

have four kids and you know they all

want to be put to bed at the same time

by the same person and they all want to

do it individually and have that

experience and no one wants to wait and

I'm locked in a room with kids banging

outside of the door because they want me

to put them to bed and I'm like I can't

cut myself in four pieces so we're gonna

have to schedule this out and we're

coming up with a schedule and none of

them want to listen to the schedule and

then they all start crying

and that's like a typical night you know

and so I like sit them outside of my one

daughter's door and I'm like I'll pick

you up next we're doing this for 15

minutes and they can't be patient and

they're banging on the door come on it's

been five minutes you know it's like

those nights are every single night big

school projects big things that are

happening and they don't understand that

I work or I have a school schedule too

or you know stuff kids will never

understand so I think it's just those

nights when you can't divide yourself

and you have to just work with what we

have and try to bribe two of them to get

put to bed at the same time you know I

think unless you're a pain like so much

respect to parents

so much respect to people also that

aren't parents that want to live their

free life

enjoy it while you can

I was at Easter on Palm Springs and I

looked at my mom's house and she had her

table set for all of her kids all of her

grandkids

and we're all staying in her house

and I was like

it's it's a forever thing it's not like

hey okay you're 18 and you're on your

own it's a forever thing and we're in

our 40s and we're still coming at her

and fighting and asking my mom to

resolve everything and I look at her and

I'm like how did you do it I personally

can't wait for my kids to get a little

bit older everyone like is so afraid of

the teenage phase I'm so excited for it

play this back for me when they're

teenagers but I see the relationship I

have with my mom and I knew the

relationship I had with my dad and how

comfortable we were talking to them

about all of our problems and all of our

friends stuff and all of the drama and

all of the high school stuff and even

the stuff I talked to my mom about now

and how open I am about life and

relationships and how close we are even

if we didn't get it as a kid I can look

at her now and say

I get it as a mom now as an adult now I

know why you made those decisions and I

love having that relationship and that

is why I wanted to have four kids I saw

my mom you know and my dad had four

together before she had my two little

sisters and I loved the big family and I

always knew I wanted to have four kids

and I I just love so much our

relationship with her and my grandma and

I just can't wait to have that with my

kids I can't wait till they're old

enough to understand so much that I can

never explain to them now that they'll

get one day and we can laugh about it

that's so beautiful yeah you reminded me

of uh a beautiful old saying that says

the day you realize your parents were

right your kids are telling you that

you're wrong

[Music]

so true yeah and it's like that idea of

just your when you're a little boy you

like adore your mom at least I did them

until like 13 years old then you become

a teenager and you think you're too cool

for your mom yeah and then in my time

yeah I have like contracts with myself

I'm like you're Never Gonna Leave me we

always have to be besties you're never

gonna be too cool for me and they always

say yes yeah I'm like you can live with

me in your 20s your 30s never move out

they said okay they've signed the

contract yeah yeah and they have no idea

they'll breach it yeah it'll it'll be

okay yeah you won't sue them yeah but

the I wonder how in your position like

you know what you just described is what

so many people go through and like you

said it's so hard for them to experience

that but when you're expanding things

like the paparazzi or like you're saying

that when you're in Japan like you

didn't have that experience and that was

so nice for the kids like how do you

walk them through the nuances of the

life that you lead and I'm guessing a

lot of their friends also have similar

lives but I'm sure they have some

friends who who don't have parents like

yourselves and so how how do you help

them reconcile or what are the kind of

things that you talk about with them or

what can they understand at this age and

what are you like well that's just gonna

have to wait I'll talk to my kids about

anything they want to ask me about I am

so open and honest with my kids I think

that's the only way to be and it could

be things that they might not understand

and I'll wait to find the appropriate

time to talk about it I think they grew

up seeing the cameras and they grew up

seeing that even as babies you know we'd

walk out and there'd be Paparazzi so

it's not really something that they

acknowledge a lot but you know my

daughter's really vocal she'll tell them

when she doesn't want them around and to

leave her alone and to stop and I love

that they use their little voices but

they also have such a normal life in

such a different life away from all of

that too and that's why I love that my

sisters and I all had babies at the same

time so they can be with each other and

have these experiences together

absolutely I when I'm

you know there's all the words that come

out from you are like togetherness

loyalty it's it's incredible to see it

in family but I think what you've then

done which when I saw you do this it it

really moved me when I saw you kind of

move into that direction of Justice

Reform and using your voice and training

to be a lawyer to make this these

changes in the world out there because I

find that you know there's there's a

natural sense of survival as a family

but then when you start taking into

account the survival of others there's

an extension of love and you know what

goes out to the world and yeah I think

it was really special to see then this

podcast has got on purpose for a reason

because I think everyone's searching for

their purpose would you say that that

was a expression of purpose or

absolutely

I mean I think that's one of those

moments like by chance I happen to be

looking on social media and seeing a

case that I just didn't understand and

I'm always a really curious person so

I'll never let something go if it's

Weighing on my heart to not at least try

to figure out how it happened I've

always been really interested in crime

stuff and solving things and figuring

things out

so when I saw a case of a woman that

just didn't make sense to me I was

really curious and I sent this little

video that popped up on my Twitter to

attorneys that I knew really well that

could answer questions for me and then

when it seemed like I couldn't just sit

there it was really Weighing on my heart

when I felt like it was so unfair I

didn't know that there was like

thousands of cases that were so unfair I

just thought oh wow like I have to help

this person and then when I was

successful in doing that on my journey I

realized like wait there's so many more

people like this like I can't not do

something

and I think that that also goes with

whatever is meant to come to you at your

own pace for your own learning levels is

what's meant to be because that came to

me I wasn't like searching for that and

that changed my life and it changed who

I am I just can't sit around and see

this happen to other people that aren't

deserving

of

um their freedom I think just everyone's

on their own path and things will come

to you when you need to be like elevated

to that growth level and I'm really

grateful for those experiences because I

definitely think that that's my purpose

what internal changes did you see in

yourself that that maybe you didn't see

before when you started doing this work

like what did you have to Grapple with

internally was there anything that you

had to break through inside yeah what

were those things I would say I always

felt like I was a compassionate person

and a caring person and I always cared

about people's feelings but my level of

empathy was at a completely different

level when I started I might have been

way more judgmental and I would think

that someone that was behind bars

especially for a really lengthy or a

serious crime that they probably were

absolutely guilty I had no compassion I

was just really judgmental

and then when I started to hear about

these cases and people's backstories and

their histories and realized that so

many people really didn't have the

opportunities to be better and didn't

know better it really changed my whole

life and like my level of empathy is

just so different than what it was years

ago and I think that's why I fight so

hard for people to get Second Chances

because

people make really bad choices and

really bad mistakes some way way worse

than other people but if you're never

given the chance to change that's really

sad especially if you make a really bad

decision as a teenager and then you're

in your 40s and you're given no shot to

change when you really already maybe

have so much

it was really important to me to express

that and help people that have made

those changes and I love how I'm I'm

assuming that when you do something like

that in the outside space it kind of

applies to your whole life where all of

a sudden you're so right that I think we

all not even people behind bars I think

we all judge people all the time yeah

and when you're almost doing it in such

an extreme way and raising your empathy

in such an extreme environment you can

now extend that and express that to so

many more people yeah because you've had

to do it in a way where you were like oh

definitely that person deserves it yeah

and all of a sudden you start realizing

maybe they didn't deserve that yeah so

maybe we don't deserve this I think you

know but in all levels of Life of

judgment I used to judge people and like

their relationships and how people lived

their lives and now I'm like whatever

makes you happy why should we judge who

are we to say how people should live

their lives my my judgment is just I

don't know if it comes with age or

experience or just going through so many

things but

just be happy you know isn't that what

life is about

experiences making people feel heard and

seen and appreciated and just having

gratitude for the things in life that

we're so blessed to have and work for

and for surrounded by the people we love

we are that's real success yeah you know

I agree and and I feel that a lot of

people start getting better at that with

the Judgment outside but one of the

things that people struggle to deal with

the most is the Judgment in their head

and I wonder do you find that you ever

catch yourself judging yourself and

being hard on yourself and being heavy

and harsh on yourself yeah you've been

able to give that up I'll be like

competitive with myself

I think I'm a really competitive person

but I'm pretty I'm pretty easy on myself

wow that's incredible I was always like

really calm really easy going that's a

real achievement yeah and I'm sure you

see people judging themselves all the

time yeah I was grabbing

some coffees for my team a couple of

months back or something and uh I

remember like I was paying the cashier

and she gave me the change and I was

grabbing the change of walking off and

she was like wait wait I'm so stupid I'm

so stupid I got the change wrong

and I was like I didn't even notice and

I looked and I was like oh okay like I

was like you're not stupid like easy

mistaken you could see the look on her

face like she was judging herself so

harshly for something so small

and I guess when you see people judge

themselves then how do you how do you

respond to that or how do you support

them

honestly I really haven't experienced

that much that's fantastic yeah that's

amazing and I love hearing that because

I think it is so true that you can

curate and create a community around you

that has similar values yeah and then

almost you don't even I see a lot of

like determination and a lot of like

creativity a lot of hard work like if I

were to go on vacation with my

girlfriends we'd all be getting up

probably at six a.m all want to go on a

workout I don't think there's that one

girl that would be like I'm sleeping

till 10 and I'm not working out you know

so I think that obviously everyone

around you is different and has

different personalities but I think a

lot of my core friends are really

like-minded yeah and sometimes that

positive positive peer pressure can be

really healthy too like yeah even if you

have that one friend who's struggling as

soon as you're added to that group

totally you see the melody I've seen

that with so many of my friends that

totally even if there's one person who's

struggling with something as soon as

they're in that pack yeah all of a

sudden you start to see them break

through their ceiling yeah and and it

changes for them yeah I think something

that I've learned

maybe the Hard Way

because I feel like I'm at a really good

place now where the people in my life I

feel really solid I think this is the

first time in my life obviously I've had

really long relationships with my

girlfriends and friends since elementary

school but something I learned is that

you cannot help people that don't want

the help and don't

you can't force your beliefs and project

that on someone that thinks something

totally different and it's okay to have

those different views that's why the

world goes around you know but if you

don't align in the same values and

morals and things at your core then it's

okay to realize that this life is so

short

and you should go and find the people

that do a line

with what you really believe in

and I think sometimes there's so much

going on that you can be blinded by so

many other things

that if you don't stop and think about

what someone's true values and morals

are and how they want to live their life

so much other things are going on so I

don't blame people that don't really

stop and think about those things

I mean those are some of the lessons

that I would teach my kids when they're

looking for friends and partners and

relationships yeah you can't really

Force things upon other people you can't

expect them to be where you're at at

your level

and sometimes that could really coexist

really well

but then sometimes it really can't you

have to let go of the idea of molding

people into what you want think about if

there's something about yourself that

you really want to change the

expectations of going into something and

thinking you're going to get a different

result or thinking you have the power to

change someone is so

selfish and so crazy and everyone does

it

and everyone has to learn on their own

and that's something that I've always

like sat back helped friends given them

advice but never really pushed because

even if I were to say hey

don't walk down that path trust me I've

been there you don't want to go there

and they say okay and they follow you

and they go on a different path they'll

never learn that lesson

they have no clue what I'm talking about

you know I could say parenting stuff to

you all day long with all due respect

you have no clue until you've been

through it I welcome people's Journeys

and their lessons and I'll always be

there to the people that I love to help

them through that but they got to go

through that in order to grow on their

own what's the biggest lesson you

learned from your mom that you're trying

to pass on to the kids I think just how

she makes people feel really heard and

welcomed she really is the most warm

welcoming person and it's just like her

overall it seems superficial but it's

not like her party planning skills it's

not even that it's just the

welcomingness of I don't even know if

these are words I'm saying but like just

her ability to be so warm and to make

everyone feel like they were invited

here I'm gonna create this like special

Easter dinner with like the things on

the table you know that she had when we

were growing up at my dad's house like

she just has all this like really

special nostalgic stuff around all the

time and always tries to make everyone

feel so special but with like a

gathering so that everyone feels

comfortable and can hang around like she

just loves people in her space

and loves to create these memories and I

think that we all got that from her and

we will all if I can just pass that on

to my kids

just the the experiences that we have as

a family whether we're just sitting in

our pajamas and hanging out we make the

time to be together and I hope that my

kids want to make the time to be

together when they grow up with their

cousins and their aunts and just the

whole family I'm sure they will yeah I

think they will too yeah I think I think

you've managed to hold on to it in your

entire generation and so yeah they see

that I think kids mirror so much of yeah

what they see around them and I remember

when I met my wife her grandma is her

favorite human on the planet and it's

really interesting how when someone you

love you know who their favorite human

is yeah you automatically start loving

them yeah and I wasn't really close to

my grandparents but I'm closer to

Riley's Grandpa like Grandma and to my

own grandparents because you see your

love for the person that you love and so

I think when your kids see the love that

you have for your sisters and your

cousins and your aunts and uncles now if

only all my kids can love their siblings

that would be amazing they're in a

fighting phase yeah yeah did you and you

guys went through that phase

but yeah it's still going on

never ending that's never going to stop

Kim I feel like you travel so much you

have so many businesses you're now going

to be on a TV show like you another TV

show I mean you've got so much things

happening in your life and I'm sure

there's moments where whether the kids

say something or don't I know a lot of

people in my life feel a lot of mom

guilt yeah and moms carry it with them

have you experienced that with your

friends your family absolutely mom guilt

is probably the hardest thing I think

that you have to also separate though

and understand that you need your own

bit of Sanity so you have to do what

makes you happy you have to if working

for me I love working so that makes me

happy anytime I think something's really

hard I dive into work and or if there's

challenges like I love to dive into my

work and that's like a bit of my therapy

and my routine to keep me going but I

think you know I have chats with my

girlfriends when our kids are having

tantrums and there could be things going

on that we don't even know about and you

feel like you're the worst mom if

something's going on and you can't fix

it you have no idea how to change it

your kids are fighting whatever it is

and my friends and I will text each

other and be like in tears literally

locking ourselves in the room like away

from a kid having a tantrum when that's

not what you should do you should go and

lean into them and but sometimes it's so

overwhelming that was probably the only

time I'd be hard on myself is am I a

good mom

I try to do everything and I think how

to balance work with that is when you're

home being really present kids all they

want is time

they just want your time yeah you can

give them all these amazing big

experiences and they'll remember them

and they're great but they'll always

remember you being present and I think

that's just the most important thing in

all of your relationships think about

what a kid wants a kid just wants your

time so why wouldn't

everyone else

you have to kind of treat everyone like

that if you want these like meaningful

relationships in your life and you have

to be present and it's okay to feel like

you are not

100 percent

at

being the best mom

I say this all the time we there's no

manual they do not come with the manual

everyone's doing the best that they can

and I just feel so lucky that I have a

good group of girlfriends and all of our

kids are experiencing different things

from I mean imagine all the things that

they

a divorce everything that they have to

go through we're okay they will be okay

and they will feel the love and support

and that's all you can do it'll be okay

and I'm sure that's hard for you because

you were saying that you're so

competitive with yourself you want to be

the best at everything yeah but I feel

like being the best mom must be the

hardest hardest thing to ever live up to

absolutely

and I'm very confident so every year I

write each one of my kids about a four

or five Page Letter about on their

birthday about what the year was like

who their friends are silly words

they're saying their favorite foods all

the silly things that they do

and a little journey of what the year is

like and it's so fun to see from the

first year now you know

one of them almost 10 years old and just

to I know that they'll appreciate this I

know that they'll

appreciate everything that they might

have thought I was being a little harsh

on me protecting them I know that

they'll they'll get it because I got it

with my mom and I know they'll get it

with me you've reminded me of something

beautiful that I want to share that so

my mom and dad were both immigrants in

London which is where I was born and

raised and both my parents worked ever

since I was a kid and so I'd get dropped

to daycare get picked up in the evening

but what I remember is something you

said my mom would come and pick me up

and I still remembered the look on her

face when she'd pick me up she'd have

this big smile she'd give me the biggest

hug she'd take me home and we'd sit down

together while she was cooking and we'd

just talk to each other and it's almost

like I never had a lot of time with my

parents growing up but I felt so much

presence and I honestly believe today

that I have so much love to give because

my mom infused me with love like my mom

just like yeah you know bathed me in so

much love totally that it's it's so easy

for me to be loving because I've always

had infinite amounts of it from my mom

yeah I couldn't imagine I love on my

kids so hard they are so annoyed with me

and I love it what I find genuinely

inspiring about you and the way you

think and focus is that you want to be

this incredible mom but you also want to

show the kids

what a passionate Purpose Driven person

looks like yeah and I think we forget

that that's also parenting like I'm not

a parent but I can honestly say it that

when I saw my mum working late at night

and waking up early in the morning I

look back at my mom and I think my mom

is a superwoman yeah and I look back at

that as Instagram my kids think that of

me one day they will they will because

they'll see that and I think same with

my dad like I saw my dad and how much he

had to work on yeah and and there was

something powerful about that I think I

always like to show them like I drop my

kids off at school and then I have two

or three hours of law school so I gotta

go I'm on time because

I have my school and they have been on

the journey with me they saw me take the

bar exam they saw me open my results and

not pass

multiple times they saw me open up the

results and pass and I was crying and

they felt my hard work and it paid off

I want to show them that finding a

passion and working to me is something I

love to do and there's so much joy in

that for me and I want them to feel that

positive experience and I I encourage

that from them like I want to just show

them as many positive experiences as I

can and show them that

you know you can work hard and you can

love it and I just try to live my life

and be a good example for them I think

it comes through and and I do believe

that like when I look back at my parents

all I can do is appreciate my mom that's

all I can do I hope they do sometimes

they tell me I'm the meanest mom in the

world because I won't buy them Roblox

every day you know it's like I'm like

it's okay I can be the meanest mom in

the world yeah you know well I think

that's what moms do mom's willing to be

anything their kids need them to be even

if it's that for a short period of time

yeah Kim you've been so uh gracious and

kind with your time today we end every

on-purpose episode with a final five the

first question is what is the best

advice you've ever received or had

something that I've learned about time

is just that we never have enough of

time

so really be present and make the most

of your relationships

because we're not here very long and we

have one life

was there a moment that made you realize

that or something that happened that

made you realize that I mean I think

when you lose a parent you're always

really mindful of time and my mom talks

about it all the time I think she's like

probably the one thing in life she's

scared about you know and and keeps her

up at night sometimes

so just making sure that you make the

most of everything

because it'll go by so fast

second question what is the worst life

advice you've ever received or had

I think maybe the worst advice

could be almost too much advice or too

many opinions

if you really trust your gut and you do

what you want to do and if you're in

your bubble and when the world gets to

that little piece of your bubble and

there can be so many opinions I think

sometimes all of the conflicting advice

can just be bad advice that even if

you're supposed to make your mistake and

maybe do what you want to do with any

bad piece of advice that's still a part

of your journey

so sometimes just do what you want to do

and not take in all of the advice is

really healthy I think that's great and

don't ask for in the first place yeah

yeah I know we all have that one friend

who told us messages like 25 people with

the same question totally yeah

definitely good answer all right uh

question number three if tomorrow not

wishing this no intentions no energy

towards this but if if tomorrow you had

to restart

what would you do if tomorrow everything

went away and you had to restart what

would you do business-wise like how

would that shift I think I would

probably be a lawyer and just focus on

that and go to law school and focus on

being an attorney full-time because I

just think the feeling of being able to

help people is really powerful

and necessary and I would just focus on

that that's such a heartfelt answer I

love that that's beautiful I'm glad I'm

glad I asked you I was like yeah I just

feel like it's really interesting I was

having a conversation last night with a

mutual friends of us uh School abroad

and oh yeah we were together last night

and we were talking about this idea

about how we often think that our

experiences

make us who we are or is it that you are

just going to be who you are anyway

because that's who you were meant to be

I think it's both yeah think about it

you can be the most talented person but

if you don't have that determination and

drive then what will become of it you

know it's not just gonna magically

happen because you're talented of course

so I think so much of it is the effort

and what you do with that and figuring

that out and who you are and what you

want to put out in the world I guess my

point is that I think you have that

energy of wanting to be the best of

wanting to do things really well of

wanting to do things with that quality

and whatever you ended up doing with it

yeah it would have been that and it is

that already and you're doing that

anyway you have to no matter even if

this isn't the job that you want no

matter what it is that you're doing you

have to be fully your best you have to

put in 200 you have no idea who's paying

attention you're at that place exactly

where you're supposed to be at that time

there's nothing worse than someone that

doesn't want to give it their all no

matter what it is and it could be that's

like you know business advice that I

heard that always stuck with me and

always was even when I was working at a

clothing store

I was so happy to be there I did my yeah

I did my absolute best that I could

selling everything and steaming

everything and hanging everything and I

think those experiences just show you

what you want to do in your life

show other people really What You're

Made Of I'm just like a I'm a really

competitive person so no matter what it

is that I'm doing I want to be the best

at that I want to learn everything about

it and I'm just a super curious person

beautiful uh question number four since

we've been talking about values what's

something that you used to value that

you no longer feel your value anymore

definitely material designer things

I used to Value I mean

stuff

I live in an area where there would be

fires a lot and there was probably four

times we had to fully pack up the house

everything out houses catching on fire

property caught on fire like really

close to losing everything first time

packed up my entire shoe and bag closet

and a lot of them because they were

memory stuff from my dad stuff in high

school but all designer stuff also

videos photos whatever digitized

everything put everything important

somewhere else here

second pack up

the designer stuff but leave some leave

some of the clothes you know I don't

really need all the clothes but I packed

a hotel for months bags about every

designer thing that I had had to come

third time leave all the bags and shoes

I don't I don't need them we got all the

we got all the photos we got all the my

little blankie when I was little you

know the kids stuff fourth time leave

everything me and my babies that's all I

need you know I have all my photos

digitized I have everything digital

we got our passports we're good

yeah and that like evolution of like

they had to go in and get all my

designer stuff or I'm not leaving my

house you know it's gonna catch on fire

yeah and now I'm like

nothing is worth it nothing is important

and I think that comes from Life

Experiences

scary experiences things shaking you to

your core to make you realize that

nothing is important you can't I know

everyone says this but like you can't

take it with you none of it is important

yeah there's a beautiful Islamic proverb

that says Detachment doesn't mean that

you owe nothing it means that nothing

owns you and I feel so often we become

owned by I love that dreams our desires

our Pursuits our things yeah it doesn't

mean that we have to give them all away

or we don't have those things it's just

if and when we have to let go totally

are we willing are we able to let

totally even with work stuff I mean it

doesn't just have to be the material

things like you said like your dreams

and it's okay to be able to let go but

work so hard to like the Opposites are

okay contradicting yourself a little bit

in those ways yeah you know it's like in

in relationships you can love a person

miss a person so much but still have the

wisdom to know they're not your person

and you're better off not together

that like opposite connection with

everything I think is really important

to have that awareness

in everything in life relationships

material things

all of that yeah I I

officiate a wedding a few years ago and

someone came up to me

from the audience and

and said to me

Jay I realized from what you were saying

that they'd just gone through a breakup

recently and they were saying Jay I

realized that I love that person but we

didn't like each other anymore and it

was that essence of like they'll always

be that deep love for each other yeah

but we just don't like family you know

like you love people and

but it's okay to to feel a protection of

a person but then also protecting

yourself and realizing when you have to

and when it's time and it's okay to feel

all of the opposite emotions you know I

think as long as you're really well

aware and go through the motions and

feel things and don't hold things in

it's so important whether it's you know

breakups deaths I've always been a

really clear-headed

and like gone through the feelings gone

through the emotions more in those

relationships more in those lifelong

relationships that you hope for

and then also be okay and calm and

realizing I've always been someone like

okay

my dad died what why is this happening

what was his purpose here and how are we

going to grow and learn from this

experience

and I always said that like right when

he passed and I was felt it and super

emotional about it and you know cry all

the time when great things happen that I

wish she was here but also

I had a wisdom at like a younger age to

understand that this is like a part of

our journey and a part of our like

Evolution and this happens and this is

why you have to hold on to relationships

even more precious

but

don't let things destroy you at the same

time

if that makes sense yeah it does make

sense I can tell just from your energy

like I just want everyone to know who's

listening and watching often people can

say something but

the time I've spent with you even today

I can tell from your energy that you are

content and you are at peace and you are

I can feel that just don't worry just be

at peace like that's what I'm with you I

I sense peace and I think doing an

interview with someone just it's a

different environment that you I

remember when I interviewed Kobe Bryant

and I almost felt like time Stood Still

and his word that I saw with his energy

was gravity like it just felt like

everything was just and then when I'm

sitting with you I'm feeling peace and a

lot of the time people try to find

people when they're not at peace hoping

that someone else will put their pieces

back together you are at peace do you

ever feel like you want to be in love

again do you do you long for that or or

are you so at peace that that isn't a

consideration I think I'll always be a

hopeless romantic and always want to be

in love

and

definitely love sharing my life with

someone and love creating a life with

someone

I definitely will take my time

and I think there's so many factors

especially when you have kids and being

mindful of

people that enter in your life and

if I can look at everything that I did

wrong

and try to not make the same mistakes

and really take my time I think it just

has to be different for me you know it's

obviously such a hard place to be in

because

how do you go about who do you you know

it's like so there's so many factors but

I'll always believe in love and I'll

always want that and I think that's such

a magical part of life

but I think

I'm so

comfortable taking my time

to not rush it there's so much going on

that I'm not lonely and I think that

that is really important and

I believe like I always believe you know

and I think that um whatever is meant to

be will be

Fifth and final question of the whole

interview if you could create one law

that everyone in the world had to follow

what would it be take your time that's a

good one just Second Chances and

fairness

I think

it could be something as simple as just

whether it's in our system or judgment

in life

just making sure that everyone had like

a basic human right to what's fair I

think would change a lot in the system

would change a lot in life

and

a law for everyone to be kind

it's that simple you think about like

all I want to do is raise kind

thoughtful grateful

mindful

human beings Ken thank you for being so

open so honest so generous with your

time everyone has been listening and

watching I hope you tag us both on

Instagram on Tick Tock wherever you

share your insights that you gained I'd

love to see what you took away from this

podcast I'd love to share that with both

of us uh thank you for listening to on

purpose I'll see you again next week and

Kim thank you so much again for this

energy of yours today and being so

present with us thank you for having me

thank you if you love this episode

you'll really enjoy my episode with

Selena Gomez on befriending your inner

critic and how to speak to yourself with

more compassion my fears are only going

to continue to show me what I'm capable

of the more that I face my fears the

more that I feel I'm gaining strength

I'm gaining wisdom and I just want to

keep doing that