Being your Own Life Coach | John Muldoon | TEDxShanghaiAmericanSchoolPuxi

okay hi everyone oh god you're like a

bunch of high school kids in the morning

my name is John Muldoon that was quite

the intro by the way thank you I am the

principal of the high school here on the

pusci campus of Shanghai American school

and I'll tell you I'm also I'm a little

nervous to be standing up here today

i-i've still in this stage a lot this

year and I've talked with a lot of

different people but there's something

about that like red-dot back there on

the ground that is intimidating and part

about my part of what I'm going to talk

about tonight is about being honest with

yourself and other people and so I

figure what better way to start then say

that I'm a little nervous by be and be

honest with you ah see you laughed a lot

during the last one which I think makes

the bar pretty high for me so here's the

thing I I'm gonna talk to you a little

bit about and I there's a disclaimer

here in a very unscientific art of why

I'm nervous as I saw our school

psychologist out here and I'm sure there

is yeah so I'm sure that the

psychologist in the crowd is going to be

very analytical with the advice I give

all of you so I hope none of it is

malpractice here's the thing

our brains are supremely powerful organs

and we don't often think about how we're

using them right

I actually I can pinpoint the first time

I actually thought about how we use our

brain I was in sixth grade so has in

sixth grade and I'll be asked to do my

family's going through a really hard

time a really horrible time actually and

we're spending a lot of time in the car

so my dad's driving him and I'm sitting

next to him up front my sister and my

brother and I are in the back

cramps it's always a good recipe for

something right and my father is

compulsively listening to motivational

tapes right yeah cassette tapes right

yeah so he's listening cassette tapes

with all these people who are telling me

and my family through the speakers of

the car how great life is and how

awesome we are and how everything is

gonna be amazing it was like the worst

great hey it was objectively the worst

thing ever and totally not what I wanted

to hear when I was going through some

horrible things that I could not control

and I'll never forget I remember this

one and particularly this guy I chefs my

dad if you still as a team so this guy

says that the key to happiness is to

talk to yourself but not just like talk

to yourself right to say like really

great thinks yourself he's like you

should wake up every day this and it

sounded so ridiculous to actually listen

to it right he he's like you get up

every day and you go to the mirror and

you look at yourself and you're like you

look good today is gonna be awesome

right hey said if you do this all the

time you'll actually get little voices

that develop in your head that say nice

things to you all day long

and so here I am I'm like 11 or 12 years

old and I'm like training your brain to

get little voices that talk to you all

day long yeah like I'm pretty sure

that's the mark of something not good

right

I mean I can't tell how many fights we

had about this as a family mostly

started by me right like why can't we

just listen to the radio like a normal

family but I'll never forget it

part of it is because we were going

through what was probably the darkest

chapter of my father's life and he was

show he chose to listen to somebody tell

him good things it was a choice he made

I didn't understand that back then so

you fast forward a little bit I had just

become an assistant principal in my life

right so I guess we're fast working a

lot I'm feeling pretty good and I find

out that my favorite teacher ever my 6th

grade social studies teacher is retiring

so I'm like I'm gonna stop by and see

him that day like that day I found I

drove to the school I didn't tell him I

was coming I just went I don't know why

I did

he was my favorite teacher he helped me

through so much in that same time period

in my life when I went through so much

so I I just walked no one stopped me it

was amazing I walk right down the

hallway right to his old classroom he's

still there like he always was right I

opened the door and I go in he looks up

at me and he goes holy hell well

actually that's not what he said I can't

tell you what he said on the stage but

he said something like that and he comes

over and he gives me this big hug and he

says John Muldoon I can't believe you're

still alive right and I'm like are you

confusing me with another John Logan but

but he wasn't and actually the truth is

that he was he was right we talked a lot

about it he only knew me at that time

period in my life

well I and I got I'll be tell you I was

so angry right and he he our parting

thought he left me with

so he's not around anymore it's a little

sad to think about but the party thought

that he left me with was how proud he

was of seeing me and how happy I seems

because he said in over 35 years of

teaching he had never met an anger kid

than me and it's kind of funny but it's

also kind of tragic that I remember him

so fondly and I think about that's his

memory of me of like all the anger

anyways the change didn't happen

overnight for me if you fast forward a

little bit or actually rewind from when

I became an assistant principal I was in

ninth grade I was in high school things

were still not going well for me I was

actually angrier than I had been in

sixth grade was just saying something I

didn't have any friends I mean I was so

isolated

my grades were awful they got I am not

ashamed to tell you I was just about to

fail out of high school by the middle of

the year of my freshman year and I had

the assist my history teacher another

history teacher that took an interest in

me right it's probably my second

favorite teacher

maybe why I became a history teacher

myself actually and he was like a Jedi

right like I actually like I owe this

man my life he conducted what I can only

call psychological warfare on me

he got me so angry that he tricked me

into wanting to do well at school I

don't know how he did it like I think

about it now I have no idea how it

happened but it did in the trip I mean

like please do not underestimate the

magnitude of this transformation I was

talking with my counselor about how I

was not going to be coming back to

school next year if I didn't turn things

around right and and all of a sudden I

was getting all A's and B's and I was

being nicer to people and I actually

maybe was working my way towards making

friends right like actually

yeah whatever I the transformation it

was so severe my father sat me down and

he asked me if I was on drugs right like

and that's pretty messed up when you

think like like son

you know your grades have just gotten

really good and you know it looks like

maybe you have some friends now and

you're not so miserable to be around are

you on the drugs

greatly that's that's actually how it

went

but this rosy period in my life was not

destined to last because as I think

everybody here knows you really can't

trick a halfway intelligent teenager

into doing something they don't want to

do for too long

and so by the end of the year the the

gig was up and I had this huge

confrontation with this teacher which

like if we're being asked was not smart

I mean to pick a verbal fight with a

like Jedi psychological warfare mind

master but I left the Year feeling so

angry and deflated and confused and and