ABSCHRIFTEnglish

ASMR It’s 2008 and You’re Playing LPS When Your Parents Think You’re Asleep

27m 56s3,542 Wörter655 segmentsEnglish

VOLLSTÄNDIGE ABSCHRIFT

0:07

Walk like a dog. Walk like a dog.

0:10

I'm actually a cat. So, I'm actually a

0:15

sheep. Who? A sheep asked.

0:24

Boo.

0:27

Okay. Excuse me. Has anyone seen

0:32

my wife? No. Four eyes.

0:36

My name is Clark K. Who's that?

0:40

Your mom.

0:47

>> Okay. Okay. Okay. Walk in. Okay. Okay.

0:53

I'll go I'll go find her myself. Hey.

0:55

Hey. Hey. What? You got to look like

0:59

You got to look like You're playing with

1:01

mine.

1:02

Oh, [ __ ]

1:05

>> You got to look like

1:08

You kind of look like something that

1:11

stands for hope.

1:14

Hope

1:17

like Superman's S means hope. Oh, good.

1:24

>> Are you in this conversation?

1:25

>> Are you in this conversation?

1:27

>> They're actually such a [ __ ] bad.

1:29

>> And you have spots on your face. Did you

1:31

even wash this morning?

1:32

>> You have polka dots on your [ __ ]

1:34

ears.

1:34

>> And that's a birthark.

1:36

>> Mine are birth marks, too.

1:38

>> I don't think so. What about me?

1:40

>> Oh my god.

1:44

>> My name is not Superman. It's Clark.

1:47

Don't get it twisted.

1:48

>> Superman.

1:50

I mean, Superman.

1:55

>> I'm Batman.

1:56

>> Why does he kind of have like his eyes

1:59

are cross?

2:01

>> Did he's fry though from all those

2:04

nights out.

2:08

>> What are you What I'm looking

2:11

>> What brings you to this town?

2:15

>> Do you speak English?

2:20

or meaty. This is all I know. Would you

2:24

LIKE

2:32

would you like some booze? Yes, matey.

2:35

Sorry, we don't have any. Oh,

2:38

>> we're currently out. Who drank it? Who

2:41

is the alcoholic here?

2:45

>> Nay, it was me. I must I must see to my

2:49

ship.

2:51

>> Don't know what that accent ship to the

2:53

ship.

2:53

>> Oh [ __ ] I must see to my ship.

2:56

>> Is that a ship?

2:56

>> I must see to my ship.

3:02

>> Wo. You can't park here, bro. I

3:06

>> What is that?

3:14

It's one of your best spots. I know you

3:17

were playing while eating food.

3:20

>> Oh my god. My

3:22

>> How old do you think that is?

3:25

>> None of your bees.

3:26

>> Is that like

3:27

>> That's why it looks like it's on there

3:29

as

3:30

earwing.

3:34

>> How does this open?

3:36

>> Shoot. I'm Batman.

3:44

No, you can't be dead. Batman does not

3:46

kill.

3:49

>> I must see.

3:50

>> I need justice.

3:53

>> I need help to vengeance.

3:58

I need

4:02

>> the kinky cats.

4:05

>> The kinky cats.

4:06

>> Excuse me. Excuse me. Is there a cop

4:08

here? Is there a cop here?

4:11

>> No.

4:11

>> There's been a murder. I was going to

4:13

murder at the murder at the gas station.

4:16

I mean the the supermarket.

4:19

Which one is it?

4:21

Are you lying? The supermarket. I'm

4:24

sorry. I'm so I'm so flustered because

4:26

there's been a murder. Put your leash

4:28

back on. Come this way.

4:29

>> Oh my god.

4:30

>> Follow me. Is there a

4:31

>> anything for you, Daddy?

4:33

>> So no one cares about the murder,

4:34

>> baby.

4:36

>> Can you walk us? We like to be on leash.

4:39

>> Yeah. Come on, daddy.

4:41

>> I'm going to put it on the tail. Hold

4:43

on.

4:44

>> Get your [ __ ] out of this airspace. You

4:47

can't park here. I'm working on it.

4:52

>> [ __ ] [ __ ]

4:53

>> OW.

4:56

MEDIC.

4:57

>> It's been two murders.

4:59

>> Hey, why is it not

5:00

>> double homicide?

5:04

>> Reporting live from ABNBC.

5:09

with the body

5:10

>> at 8. I'm with a witness. Come back. I'm

5:12

with a witness.

5:13

>> Okay. Reporting another murder and

5:15

suddenly this man falls from his ship

5:17

and he's not breathing.

5:18

>> Is he a she or

5:20

>> I don't know. They them. They them.

5:23

>> Okay.

5:23

>> Be inclusive.

5:24

>> Yeah. They them.

5:26

>> Get this hair out of the scene.

5:29

>> Shedding.

5:30

>> Okay. How are you sure they died? Did

5:33

you Did you try to do CPR? I'm I'm not

5:35

I'm not a dog. Hot dog. Hot dog.

5:40

I don't know. Is that another hot dog?

5:43

My god. Three winners.

5:50

>> Shake. Shake.

5:58

No. And now me.

6:01

>> Let's go play the club. Forget this guy.

6:03

You don't even know.

6:05

>> Oh my god, there's been another murder

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that no one cares about.

6:08

>> Girl, why are you so arrested?

6:10

>> Why are you so arrested murder?

6:13

>> Suspect.

6:15

>> Um Um Why were you on the scene both

6:18

times?

6:19

>> Um Um

6:21

Um

6:23

Say it. Use your words.

6:26

>> I I don't know. I just happen to be

6:28

there. I don't believe it. Uh, your

6:32

honor, I'm calling I'm calling your

6:34

bluff.

6:35

>> I'm calling bluff.

6:36

>> Um, I'm actually a cop.

6:39

>> Um,

6:42

I was looking for a cop, but I'm

6:43

actually an undercover cop.

6:45

>> An angel cop?

6:46

>> Yes, I am.

6:48

>> I love angel.

6:50

>> This place called Jehovah Witnesses.

6:53

Would you care to be a witness today?

6:56

No. [ __ ] get the [ __ ] out of here.

6:58

>> We are surrounded by our fallen. Ah,

7:02

>> are you the murderer?

7:04

>> Yeah.

7:05

>> Let me murder that but

7:06

>> Oh. Oh,

7:09

well, if you insist.

7:12

>> Start murdering.

7:14

>> Someone left a heel. I'm trying. I'm

7:17

trying. I'm trying.

7:19

>> I'm trying to find the perfect fit.

7:20

Whose heel is this? I'm trying to find

7:22

my Cinderella.

7:24

>> Wait, I need to do a different voice for

7:25

him.

7:25

>> Yeah, that's [ __ ]

7:31

Go back to making my coffee. I know you

7:33

are.

7:33

>> I'm trying to find my Cinderella.

7:38

>> Sounds like

7:39

>> I told you we need more glitter. We need

7:42

a more glitter.

7:44

>> Does this feel anybody? They love it.

7:47

>> It's me.

7:49

>> You're the one I'm looking for.

7:50

>> I'm sorry, but it's pink, so obviously

7:52

it's mine. Anyway, [ __ ] Um, you are

7:56

literally being coloristed on your wife

8:00

with your mother.

8:02

>> Girl, why your neck?

8:05

>> You flexible as hell.

8:10

>> Wait,

8:13

any more characters?

8:16

>> Do you want to open our other ones?

8:17

>> Oh, yeah. Open the other ones.

8:21

>> Open this one.

8:24

YEAH.

8:38

So loud.

8:40

Oh my god. I got this [ __ ] ass.

8:46

He literally said, "I don't look for

8:47

dying."

8:50

So this is what I wanted.

8:52

Okay. I want

8:56

>> I want the giraffe. If I get the

9:00

>> Which one did you want?

9:02

>> I wanted um that cute. The rhino.

9:04

>> Turn around. What does it get back?

9:06

>> Hold on.

9:08

I got

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