Meanwhile… Air Dolphin | Easter Megabunny | Woodpeckers Grunt Like Tennis Players

Welcome back to the game of Draping Joy

Machine. Oh my goodness.

Now, uh, folks, as you may or may not

know, we have a lot of great writers

here on the show. And one of those great

writers is a man named Michael Cruz

Kaine. Okay, Michael Cruz Kane has got a

standup comedy special about grief

called Sorry for Your Loss. It's

available to stream right now. And when

this show ran off Broadway, it was

nominated for a bunch of awards. When it

was on Audible, it was named best of

Audible. And now that it's streaming,

maybe it will win most perfect show in

the world.

We're going off the air, so there's an

opening.

Look for it on a wonderful app called

Dropout or at dropout.tv.

There you go, folks.

Folks, if you watch this show, you know

I spend most of my time right over there

in the news. Chubang folding the most

topical ground story pork, mung bean

sprouts, chopchay noodles, and pibiggo

firm tofu into delicate sulaong wantton

wrappers and then gently pan frying to

make the Korean kun mandu dumplings that

are my nightly monologue. But sometimes

after losing a drinking contest to a

Russian circus bear, I wake up in a

canal where I squeeze the filling from a

discarded taco into a half-eaten

Pillsbury turnover and chow down on the

swamp ravioli of news that is my

segment.

Meanwhile,

you know what? It's tasty and

nutritious. That's what the people think

about the nutrition of meanwhile.

Meanwhile, near Hawaii, a dolphin jumped

a massive 15 ft above the ocean and drew

comparisons to Michael Jordan. Wow.

Michael Jordan. Michael, how do you feel

about being compared to that dolphin?

Didn't see that coming.

>> Didn't see that coming. Meanwhile,

great news for users of Letterbox, the

app for logging movies that you've

watched, cuz a fan has created a viral

letterboxed keychain that lets

cinnaphiles show off their favorite

movies on the go using photo inserts on

the keychain for customizable favorites

slots styled after the app's layout.

This is a great way to meet a

like-minded movie fan or a fair warning

that someone near you is mentally

unstable enough to enjoy Tron Aries.

Meanwhile, Costco

has introduced a 10 lb $140 chocolate

Easter bunny, but you'll need a hammer

to eat it. The mega bunny is named Pete

because when my children bludgeon

something to death with a hammer, I

first want it to seem as human as

possible.

The instructions on the packaging

suggest customers wrap Pete in a towel

and give one bold whack with a hammer,

mallet, or rolling pin, adding, "If he

pleads, don't be moved. You are a god

and he is your prey. Be swift and feel

the weakness within you melting away. It

will be easier next time.

Good.

In case you're wondering, 10 lb Pete

here consists of 151 servings

if you're a coward.

In other massive Easter treat news,

British chocolate maker Cadbury has

unveiled a giant 121 lb egg. Okay,

sounds good so far. But what do I wrap

it in before I bludgeon it to death?

Next up, according to a finding in the

Journal of Experimental Biology,

woodpeckers grunt like tennis players

when they peck. And I'm being told that

we have new footage demonstrating the

phenomenon.

We'll be right back with Paul Simon.

>> Hello darkness.