Meanwhile... Lower Your Dementia Risk | Runcations | Eat Fish From The Hudson River

Welcome back. Everybody, give it up for

Lewis Cato and the great big [cheering]

touring machine. How's the machine

tonight?

The machine is good? It's good. Well

oiled? It's good. Doing all right. Y'all

well oiled? Excellent.

>> [applause]

>> Folks, if you watch this show, you know

I spend most of my time right over there

in the tackle room combining the most

topical G. Loomis Conquest baitcaster

with fast action tapers and Torzite

guides with a Shimano Stella SW reel

with a braided PowerPro Super 8 Slick

mainline match with a Sunline FC Sniper

fluorocarbon leader to make for you the

elite competition bass fishing rod that

is my nightly monologue, but sometimes,

just just sometimes, folks, while

eluding Taiwanese bounty hunters along

the Tamsui River, I rip some twine off a

squatter shanty and strap it to a

discarded hockey stick and then catch my

dinner with the fugitive jigging pole of

news that is my segment.

Meanwhile,

>> [cheering]

>> that's like uh

>> [applause]

>> It's the doors of perception like your

friends.

>> [screaming]

>> Meanwhile,

according to a new study, eating more

plants is linked to a lower risk of

dementia.

And that sound you hear is a million

Americans saying, "Well, I've already

had 50 good years of remembering what

year it is."

Meanwhile,

in food news,

the question people want to answer to is

why is everyone pouring melted chocolate

into Pringles cans right now?

Counterpoint, why is anyone not pouring

melted chocolate into Pringles cans

right now? It's got everything, sweet,

salty, can.

Here's how she works. People are pouring

melted chocolate into a tube of

Pringles. Then, once the chocolate is

set, extruding their clinical depression

log and

cutting into it for a salty sweet snack.

Well, there's your problem. Why are you

cutting it?

It's already in the perfect shape for

jamming in the old sad hole.

>> [applause]

[applause]

>> Meanwhile, a new study says consuming

matcha may help reduce sneezing by

suppressing brainstem activity tied to

the sneezing reflex. That's great. Hey,

quick question. Should we be concerned

that matcha suppresses any brainstem

activity?

You got to try this latte. It's amazing.

You'll forget your children's names.

Meanwhile,

there's a new trend in which fitness

fans are traveling around the world for

so-called runcations.

Hold on, just

1 second.

Just uh need to up-update my list of

people I have nothing in common with.

Runcations, there you go.

>> [applause]

[cheering]

>> Cuz if it's not clear, runcations are

getaways centered on running, which can

include everything from destination

races to hotels that employ their own

running concierges. Hello, is this the

concierge? Can you help me? This is my

first time in your city and I hate fun.

Uh-huh, thank you.

Meanwhile,

a Harvard doctor is promoting the three

P's of healthy pooping,

which we're told by him are pliability,

pelvic floor, and propulsion.

>> [laughter]

>> Really?

Propulsion?

I'm doing my business here, not

launching Trident nukes from a sub.

Was I supposed to be going for distance

this whole time?

>> [laughter]

>> Meanwhile, scientists are asking,

"What's the most painful sting in the

world?" That's easy. It's the sting of

your best friend from middle school

making new high school friends and

pretending she doesn't remember that

choreography you learned over the

summer.

>> [laughter]

>> One of the main contenders is the sting

of the Irukandji jellyfish, which after

20 minutes causes a sense of

overexertion or malaise followed quickly

by a sensation like a jackhammer to the

kidneys that lasts for up to 12 hours.

Then, victims endure a parade of

symptoms including profuse sweating that

drenches the bedsheets several times an

hour and unrelenting vomiting every few

minutes for up to 24 hours. It's a

condition scientists refer to as having

two Negronis after age 32.

Meanwhile,

the deadly Irukandji. Meanwhile, thanks

to cleaner conditions, the New York City

government says you can eat fish caught

in the Hudson River for the first time

in 50 years.

You can.

But I'll pass.

Cuz that's not the sales pitch you think

it is. Hey, babe, we can have sex now.

I'm herpes free for the first time in 50

years.

We'll be right back.

>> [music]

[cheering]