World No.1 Divorce Lawyer: If You Do This, Your Marriage Is Already Over.

If you had to give one relationship

ritual to stay in love, what would that

be? Once a week, tell your [music]

partner three things that you love about

them and three things they could have

done better.

>> But some people thinking, well, and if I

told Dave that we're going to start

writing these notes to each other, he's

going to cringe [music] and not going to

do it. [ __ ] Honestly, Dave can't

name three things he likes about you.

Really, Dave? Is that a big ask? I

absolutely call bull on that. The bigger

question is what's uncomfortable about

that for you? And look, I'm not a

therapist. I'm a divorce lawyer. I

represent some of the most high

achieving minds, athletes,

entrepreneurs, and they're just as bad

at this as anybody because there's a

part of us that's afraid to poke at what

do you love about me? What am I getting

wrong? And it's not just romantic

relationships. Like,

my mom died 10 years ago after a long

battle with cancer.

There was a lot between us that needed

to be said and [music] wasn't said.

And there's a part of me that wishes she

was here so that I could have apologized

[music] for some things I got wrong. But

we don't do that because people just

don't want temporary discomfort. [music]

And so I think there's something deeply

courageous about love, about commitment,

about saying I'm going to give them the

opportunity to hurt me. Like it's scary,

[music] but I'm brave. You know, your

marriage will end. It ends in death or

divorce. And for two people at the end

of their relationship to say, "This

person helped me become the most

authentic version of myself." That's the

greatest gift you could give to another

human being. And as you can see from

this photo, I just proposed to my

fiance. I'd like some advice on how not

to mess this up. Like if my fiance ends

up walking into your practice, what is

the reason she's likely to end up there?

The number one reason that I'm going to

have a woman sitting across from me,

divorcing someone who's a great

provider, great protector is

>> that is not obvious to everybody

>> and it'll keep me in business for the

rest of my life.

>> Guys, I've got a quick favor to ask you.

We're approaching a significant

subscriber milestone on this show and

roughly 69% of you that listen and love

this show haven't yet subscribed for

whatever reason. If there was ever a

time for you to do us a favor, if we've

ever done anything for you, given you

value in any way, it is simply hitting

that subscribe button. And it means so

much to myself, but also to my team,

because when we hit these milestones, we

go away as a team and celebrate. And

it's the thing, the simple, free, easy

thing you can do to help make this show

a little bit better every single week.

So, that's a favor I would ask you. And

um if you do hit the subscribe button, I

won't let you down and we'll continue to

find small ways to make this whole

production better. Thank you so much for

being part of this journey. Means the

world. And uh yeah, let's do this.

[music]

[singing]

James,

as you can see from this photo, I just

proposed to my fiance and gladly she

said yes. So, I've brought you here in

part because I'd like some advice on how

not to mess this up because I know from

speaking to you previously about 50% of

people that get down on their knee end

up messing it up in some way. Before we

get into this though, and before you

help me figure out how to stay in love

and not mess it up.

>> Yeah.

>> Where do you find us at as it relates to

love as a society? If you were to zoom

out and diagnose society's relationship

with the subject of love and their um

ability to keep it, find it, and

understand it, where are we?

>> I think we we're in this really

uncomfortable moment as a culture. I

think we we want more than anything to

feel real connection. I think we're sick

of just looking at screens. I think we

came out of the pandemic with a feeling

of, okay, I want to be in the world with

other people and feel the warmth of real

people.

And yet, we have an increasingly

lower number of useful tools in finding

connection and staying connected, which

are two totally different skills. And

yet we're yearning for it more than

ever. So we're more hungry than we've

ever been and we have no idea how to

cook

>> in your head because you've seen so many

people go through divorce and

relationships fail.

>> There must be a sort of checklist of

things that I'm likely to mess up.

>> Yeah. I mean, well, you know, first of

all, when I when I knew you, you know,

heard you got engaged,

>> I was thrilled because I'm always

cheering for people. I really am. I'm

always cheering for love. And so I think

in our prior conversations, you're

obviously someone who loves very deeply

and and the fact that you found this

person, you know, [clears throat] to me

is the most lovely thing. You know, I I

think at its core, this is your favorite

person. I just can't think of anything

more lovely than that. Like the idea

that you would look at a person and go,

"You're my favorite person." And and

that person would look at you and say,

"You're my favorite person." And that

you would know that it's true. like when

they say it that it's true. Like that

that feels to me like something worth

pursuing. That feels like something that

if I tried to get it and I failed, I'd

try again because if you could find it,

it's just about the greatest thing in

the world. Like the the thought to me

that, you know, I I I won't get to give

a toast at your wedding, but I will say

that if I was going to give the toast,

it would be that there are two wishes I

have for you. You know, your marriage

will end. I mean, I've said it to you

before in one of our first

conversations. Every marriage ends. It

ends in death or divorce. I hope yours

ends in death. And I hope when it ends

in death that let's send you off first

that when you're dying that she will say

hopefully to you or to those around,

you helped me become the most authentic

version of myself and you're still my

favorite person.

Because I can't think of a greater

blessing than that. like for two people

at the end of their life, at the end of

their relationship to say, "This person

helped me become the most authentic

version of myself and they're still my

favorite person." That's the greatest

gift you could give to another human

being, I think. And I like the idea that

even in the face of knowing that this is

risky, this is something that may not

work, this is something that

statistically the odds are against, but

I'm going to give it a shot because, you

know, there's something it adds to my

life and there's something I add to her

life and, you know, we're going to we're

going to give it a shot. I don't know. I

found that very beautiful. As a divorce

lawyer who is also a very big fan of

love, do you ever find yourself trying

to get someone not to get a divorce, has

there ever been an instance where you

you looked at the situation and thought,

you know what, they should just get back

together? Yeah. I what I'll say is my

first thought is often,

is this person accurately perceiving the

situation that they're in? So people

will come in and they'll say, you know,

it really people come to me in very

different situations. So sometimes

people will come to me and they're

they're they've been served with divorce