So Nobody Taught You How to Be An Adult Too?

Hello, I'm Riushi and welcome to

Adulting 101. Today we are going to Am I

in the wrong class? I'm sorry to

interrupt, professor, but what makes you

think you can teach anyone about being

an adult? Last time I checked, you were

still trying to not burn your toast in

the toaster.

It's true. I'm not an adult. I burn my

toast. I sleep in. And I buy books I

don't read. I may not know all the

answers, but as your professor today, I

will bless you with what I do know.

I had imagined that my life would be a

straightforward timeline. That after

graduating high school, I'd go to

university and my end goal was to simply

secure a job or be homeless on the

streets. And after that, I'd become an

adult at some point and that'd be good

enough for me. Now that I do all the

boring chores and file taxes like I

imagine adults do, it makes me wonder

when is this adult thing going to hit

me. I started to think that being an

adult must be something I don't know

since it's been anything but

straightforward.

If you felt lost in life, it's likely

you've also tried web surfing for

answers. In my experience, I've watched

tons of YouTube videos and read many

Reddit posts from people of all ages and

felt comforted that I wasn't alone in

this experience. In fact, everywhere you

look on the internet, it's a common

experience to feel you're not ready to

be an adult. But when you browse social

media or step into daily life, it seems

like everyone knows where they're going.

Although feeling comforted at the time,

in a few weeks, somehow you're just as

lost as if you've never seen it. and

ultimately nothing changes. It's an odd

feeling worrying that everyone else is

doing better than you, but also feeling

that you should be grateful for your

life, wondering if the problem is just

you. And without any actual answers on

the internet, where are you supposed to

start?

Let's first talk about what it means to

be an adult. By definition, in the US,

you are legally an adult once you turn

18. But for most, the day you turn 18

feels no different from the previous

day. Nothing really happens. So what's

the big deal about the number 18? It

could be summed up by legal reasons of

when someone should be allowed to vote,

drink, work. These are all important

questions that lawmakers consider to set

boundaries between minors and adults.

But there's a difference between legally

being an adult and feeling like an

adult. I don't believe there's a moment

where you suddenly feel like an adult

and in fact even adults don't feel like

they're adults. But even if that's true,

what differentiates me from people who

know what they're doing? Well, there's a

quote that goes, "Some people grow older

but never grow up?" And the growing up

part is what I consider to be adulting.

But growing up is not as straightforward

as doing chores or filing taxes. It's

about finding a few of the answers

you've been looking for.

The reason I've been thinking about

adulting more lately is because I stayed

over at my friend's house for a few

days. I noticed how disciplined she was.

As I hung out with her, I walked over

10,000 steps with her everyday, and by

11:00 p.m. each night, she would ask if

I wanted to sleep yet. And she seemed

pretty happy with her schedule. One day

we were walking out of a museum and she

asked what my favorite trait in a person

was. I said something along the lines

of, "My favorite trait is someone who

knows what they want and does what they

want." Well, doesn't really matter what

it is. It could even be that they're

really good at going on vacation. I

really admire people like that. And this

is because I've always found it

difficult to decide what I want to do. I

get affected greatly by others opinions.

So I end up doing things I think I

should do. Then I start to believe it's

also what I want to do and lie to myself

that I should be enjoying it too. After

realizing this, my first step was asking

myself when nothing is stopping me, what

do I want to do?

The simple answer is to first decide

what you want. Has there been anything

that you've always wanted to do or get

back into? Then start with that. But if

you're unsure that's really what you

want, the more complicated answer is

that there are an infinite amount of

decisions you could make at any given

moment. Your day is filled with hundreds

of decisions that you make. Like a

connect the dots diagram that determines

your life. Worrying about wasting time

or doing something that could be more

productive causes you to do nothing at

all when in reality all the things you

do in life are just meant to waste time

anyway. So, you might as well be happy

doing it. And the honest answer is you

don't know what you want until you're

already doing it. It matters very little

what exactly you do compared to the fact

that you did something that you chose to

do. Next is to plan what you are going

to do. It can be as simple as I'm going

to sketch tonight while avoiding vague

and huge tasks like I'm going to become

a great artist by next week. The next

step is the second most important

decision, which is to do it or not do

it. Starting with the not doing it

route, this is what I like to call the

cycle of suffering, also known as the

New Year's resolution cycle. Basically,

you decide to start drawing, but you end

up stopping without much progress, and

that leads you to feel incapable. One

day, you feel miserable enough to want

to make a change in your life again. The

next year rolls around and you decide to

draw for real this time. But ultimately,

the same thing happens. But let's say

you do it and you start sketching. This

is the first break from the cycle of

feeling lost because you can now learn a

bit about yourself. But the most

important branch is when you get

frustrated, will you solve the problem

or will you ignore it? The issue with

ignoring your problems now is that you

are kicking the can down the road and

that leads directly back into the cycle

of suffering because you haven't learned

a thing. But let's say you notice you're

frustrated. If you're unsure of what to

do about it, I personally like to

journal the answers to these questions.

How do you feel? Why do you feel this

way?

Have you felt this before? And what can

you do to feel better? What you learn

about yourself should ultimately reduce

your frustrations. Only then can you

learn more about yourself and guide what

you want in the future, creating this

cycle of growing. You may even realize

that you want to keep drawing or do

something else. And that's totally up to

you. So this is the full cycle.

Suffering happens when you ignore your

problems. And growing happens when you

prioritize your happiness.

Let's take you in the present moment.

For some, it's very natural to worry

about the past, thinking about how you

shouldn't have taken a nap earlier or

shouldn't have eaten all that ice cream.

But everyone does things and realizes it

was a good thing or a bad thing in the

future. So, it's a waste to let the fear

of making those same mistakes paralyze

what you could be doing now. And for

others, it's natural to feel anxious

about the future. That if you don't draw

right now, then you'll never become a

great artist. Hypotheticals are easy to

get lost in, but it puts a lot of

pressure on your next action when

ultimately you don't know what will

happen in the future. It's very

difficult to enjoy your life when you're

constantly walking on eggshells of doing

the wrong thing. There's another quote,

"Yesterday is history and tomorrow is a

mystery. Today is a gift. That's why