potentiel gâché

i put a lot of pressure on myself

because i know what i'm capable of

that's not from me at all

it's a tweet

apparently, a lot of people agree

with this sentence because it got 300,000 "likes"

which, for a tweet in this day and age, is a lot

does it resonate with you?

i'd say that if you identify with it, even a tiny bit,

you're probably young, so you naturally have

a huge amount of potential and maybe also the fear of wasting it

the more time passes, the less potential we have

is that true?

that's what i intuitively tell myself

for example, we never have as much potential

as in the very moment after our conception,

when we are not much more than a single cell

at this stage, the cells are called totipotent

in latin, that means all-powerful or having all potentialities

these cells have the ability to differentiate

into any tissue of the organism that will later form

an embryo and even later, will form a person

if all goes well

and i think that's the key to this notion,

potential is something that can exist

"if"

it's something that isn't real

it doesn't exist

it doesn't exist

not yet, but

it could exist in the future

your potential is the set of everything you could be

over time and you could be many things

but you can't be everything, right?

there's bound to be potential that you will never fulfill

if these all-powerful cells had wanted

to keep their potential for fear of making a choice,

they would never have transformed into a person and would have remained

forever a clump of cells of no interest

if you don't decide what potential you are going to fulfill, you will inevitably end up

with something you don't want or even nothing

seeing things this way represents monumental pressure,

because we are not cells in the middle of division

we are people in a very complicated world

and unlike cells in the middle of division,

our life is not finely orchestrated and we are bound to make

bad choices, which is human

so in the face of a potential that can seem

infinite, sometimes

how can we choose?

"wasted potential — a documented introspection, written, directed, composed ♫ and lived by Riadh Bakache

youtube told me

that i was a high-potential creator

yet, the national anthem of my youtube channel is:

cricket sounds, essentially

maybe this potential is wasted

or maybe it's wasted and fulfilled

simultaneously in two parallel worlds

after all, there isn't just one,

but an infinity of universes

where all possibilities exist

according to the many-worlds theory, at least

in some versions of these theories, the different paths

or timelines are born with each choice we make or that is made for us

so, after all my choices, am i on the success timeline

or the failure one?

i don't know,

but i think about it

every day

whether parallel universes exist or not, it doesn't really matter

if one thing is for sure,

it's that the metaphor is at least very fitting, because our brain is

fully capable of imagining and ruminating on hundreds of versions

of what things could be, of what our life could be

and that, that gives a profound sense of vertigo

me, it gives me fomo,

the fear of missing out

as defined by its author

it's supposed to apply moreso to social situations

for example, on new year's eve, there are so many parties

no matter which one i choose, the feeling that a better one

is happening somewhere else will hang over my head

i feel the same thing when i think about reality in terms

of timelines splitting and branching out in all directions

the feeling that the best timeline is happening without me,

somewhere

in another universe

the growing anxiety of having missed the right exit on the highway

being trapped in my vehicle that is heading

in the wrong direction without even knowing it

the feeling that i'm not allowed to make mistakes,

that i'd be committed to my mistakes,

that i have to get everything right on the first try

when i was little and playing emulator softwares

i’d use the rewind function every three seconds

in real life, i don't have that

i have to succeed in my life "first try"

it paralyzes me

which made me miss opportunities

which made the feeling of fomo grow,

which fed the vicious circle

and so on

impossible to choose

wanting to do everything

interested in everything

a bit good at everything

expert at n-

and it shows in the history of my youtube channel

when i did something for a little too long,

i would get anxious for some reason

and of course, today, i wonder where is the timeline where i never

stopped my efforts in one discipline, the one where i remained onefrenchguy

i suffer a lot from it

i'm 26

i'm just turning 27

i'm 28 today

i've already dedicated seven years of my life

to my studies and i feel like i could have done more

as a creator and aspiring artist,

today, i no longer have my studies to use as an excuse

i'm free to pursue the creative career i dream of so much

and yet, i'm still stuck

i needed a remedy to feel better, to make better decisions

so i started writing

but what i found

along the way was not really what i expected

but in fact, it made me realize that i can be whoever i want

and that

that freaked me out

so

what was i expecting from writing this video?

when i started, i wanted to start a reflection

to help me find a solution to this feeling

rather distant, not very intense but constant

the anxiety of not be doing enough

to not work enough

this tendency i have not to stick to what i start,

which makes me feel like i'm wasting what i'm capable of

and who i could be

since my teenage years

i expected this reflection to help me discipline myself

to work more, work better

basically, to put it very simply,

i wanted to unblock myself mentally

to increase my productivity

after all, isn't it by working hard that we can fulfill our potential?

and isn't it normal to feel bad if we don't measure up?

if i felt good all the time,

i would have no reason to pursue my goals

these kinds of thoughts ruled my daily life and it makes sense

because my life experiences have validated this state of mind

doubling, tripling my effort

brought me a lot of positivity at many times in my life

so it's natural to want to do it again better, bigger

that's what i expected from this script

to help me do better what i was already doing well

i thought the remedy to fomo,

is effort, and that with enough effort,

i could do as many things as possible

but here's the thing, experience forces me to admit there's a problem

with this strategy, because i've been applying it to my life for years

even though i'm technically moving forward, i've graduated, i have more money than before

in my gut, nothing changes

i perpetually feel like i'm chasing something and despite my efforts,

i've had a series of periods of overwork and periods of inactivity

i still feel the fomo

so no, for me effort is not a solution

i still have that knot in my stomach

my gut tells me that i'm capable of doing things, that i have a gift

hidden inside me and that it's downright my responsibility to bring it out

a waste to spend a day without working

this so-called unexpressed talent

is eating me up from the inside

in practice, my ambitious goals coupled with guilt

in case of underperformance, just created a veil of ever-present malaise

a veil allowing for clear skies

only very briefly during accomplishments

with a little bit of perspective on my life

and even on the visible part: my youtube channel

it was very easy to see that there was a pattern in place:

excessive effort

overwork, disappearance, guilt

and i think i really realized it when i finished writing,

shooting and editing the first version of this video

i told myself:

"i'm doing it again"

i'm trying to fix this feeling

in the only way that's familiar to me

giving it my all, to the point of ruining my health

until i break

until i spend months

not getting out of bed

tape n°1 - wasted potential, first version (reinterpreted)

the problem of limited choice in the face of infinite possibilities

is an illusion

the number of paths is large but finite

because we are finite

reality places a lot of constraints on us

i don't know if free will exists

or if it's just an illusion of the mind,